Life is what happens when you're busy making plans

crazy_cat_lady

^^^^^^ What Bob said - she has such an eloquent way with words. Be kind to yourself - life has a way of throwing challenges at us when we're least expecting them.
Good luck with the interview - try not to stress the presentation. I had an interview in June with a presentation and got myself into bits about it, when actually that was one of the more straightforward bits of the interview. You can do it - you just need to big yourself up a bit.

determined_new_ms

Bobarella wrote: »

Determined - I am not surprised your mood has been up and down. You have an awful lot on your plate. Losing a job & a mother in the space of a short period, on top of already looking after your granddaughter, & trying to reconcile with your own daughter. Wow just typing that list is stress inducing. You are doing so so incredibly well I think. Im sure Im not the only one who reads about your life who thinks it.

Presentations are horrible. I had to give them in my past life & I never lost the fear. So I dont blame you being aprehensive. And having to work at your unfavoured time of day is also hard. But maybe thats part of it. Maybe at times we/you need to stop and say, ok, what Im attempting to do is bl00dy hard, and thats why Im struggling!
Raising a child that isnt yours is hard. Looking for work is hard. Coping with the death of a parent is hard. So lets not beat ourselves up expecting it to be a breeze, because it wont be. A lot of others would have buckled by now, gone on a bender, howled at the moon, but you are hanging in there, being a rock for your DGD, partner & daughter. I think that deserves a huge hug & round of applause.
Go you!

Bob x

crazy_cat_lady wrote: »

^^^^^^ What Bob said - she has such an eloquent way with words. Be kind to yourself - life has a way of throwing challenges at us when we're least expecting them.
Good luck with the interview - try not to stress the presentation. I had an interview in June with a presentation and got myself into bits about it, when actually that was one of the more straightforward bits of the interview. You can do it - you just need to big yourself up a bit.

Thanks Bob & CCL :A it is so kind of you to give me encouragement! I definitely think the swings in moods I am having are a result of a. the bereavement (having to come to terms with a lot of stuff I didn't while my mother was alive. Bloody families are a nightmare!) and b. the uncertainty of life at the moment. Trying to just remind myself that this period will pass and things will be ok.

determined_new_ms

So today is going to be about:

1. putting my presentation together & into powerpoint. Am really happy with the ideas I have had now just need to put it in an order that flows, fill it out, and make sure it is 10 minutes long. Will present it to oh this evening.

2. spending time with dgd. Planning on having a free/home day today. Will walk to our local park (next street along ) which has just been upgraded by the council so lots of new equipment to play with. Hopefully she will have a nap so I can do the above.

Also dd is coming for contact today so again should be able to get an hour where I do some work and dd plays with dgd :T

If I get on with the presentation I think today will be the day I make the wine :j

Was pleased with myself on Saturday as I was feeling very low about everything - had an email from an aunt who always makes comments that really upset me - and almost bought a dressing gown & jumper from TK Maxx. Would have been £40 :eek: And also wanted to go and have Thai food in a restaurant (another £15 :eek:) but decided to not make the purchases right then and think about it, and picked up a green curry ready meal in Lidl instead. So saved myself about £53.51 by not letting my emotions take control of my credit card! I think I will buy the dressing gown as I did love it but the jumper is not really necessary. I will treat myself to it if I get the job this week but if not I will commit to raising the money from either not using all of my weekly spending money or raising it from sales.

Our washing machine has broken with a load in the machine :eek: There is no power coming to the machine at all so we're hoping it is a matter of a fuse blowing. Need to investigate this today . If this doesn't work then the next thing is to look for tutorials to override the door lock mechanism and get the washing out. I then will look for a second hand one on ebay/gumtree etc as I think this will be more economical than paying for someone to come out (£40 call out fee in our area) and then paying for parts & labour

Anyway should think about getting on. Dgd has just got up but is very self sufficient in the mornings so now is the time to do all the jobs that need doing which I won't be able to do later as later on in the morning she wants a play friend and to do activities that require adult supervision!

Bobarella

Oh dear what a pain about the washing machine. That really is up there with no hot water etc in terms of annoyances. It sounds like you have some good practical thoughts on dealing with it before calling out an engineer though.

Maybe worth a post on Old Style as well, there is a lady on there who seems to be able to repair anything and she is quite good at posting advice.

Well done on all your will power over the weekend too, you did yourself a lot of favours!

Good luck with the preso.

Bob

crazy_cat_lady

Hope you got your washing machine sorted out, and that your presentation is all good to go.

determined_new_ms

Opps haven't sorted out the WM! Really REALLY need to do this today....

Hurrah! Presentation is finished. Combination of forcing dgd to have a nap yesterday (not quite as Dickensian as it sounds :rotfl:) and handing over the reins to oh after dinner. Now just need to finish prep for interview and run through presentation with oh tonight.

Bob's words "done is better than perfect" kept running through my head whenever I was struck by doubt, so thanks Bob! It's not the most dynamic of presentations, but it's done!

Today is another day with dgd & this afternoon we are going to see my ds as it was his birthday yesterday. This morning we will be having a home day which no doubt will involve some kind of art session, a couple of number games, playing with toys & I might put dgd in the bath this morning so I can sit in the bathroom and do some prep (she's always very engrossed in playing in the bath. Will dig out some kitchen items that will absorb her attention ) Spoke to oh last night and I want us to start reducing dgd's TV time. She is obsessed with Ben & Holly, Charlie & Lola & Peppa Pig, but it's too easy to put it on and I think she should be doing more activities and independent play.

So funny we went to the park yesterday for an hour. We were playing catch which involved me running after her across the football pitch. It was never my turn to be chased :rotfl: so cue the two of us running around with her shouting "catch me, catch me" and in peels of laughter. I said to her at dinner shall we go to the park tomorrow and her response was "no thanks, not soon" :rotfl: Her communication skills are so good, as is her vocabulary. At 26 months she is now speaking in complex sentences of 8 plus words. I'm really pleased with her communication skills. It was really important for me that we encouraged her to express herself and her needs from a very young age, as I was aware often children who don't get their needs met often stop asking for them to be met. I can hand on heart say she doesn't have a problem in this area! :rotfl:

Ok not much DFW things going on except sticking to a budget with ds.

determined_new_ms

Morning world! Up early again, actually love getting up early and getting the house to myself in the mornings It's been a while since I've had this luxury up until the last week or so as either I wasn't getting up early or dgd would wake me. Reminds me a little of the me time I used to get before dgd became a permanent fixture in our home :T

So interview was yesterday & I think I represented myself well. Haven't heard yet so am now thinking I didn't get it, not ruling it out that I was successful - It could be the candidates were really good and they've had to think about it over night.

If I don't get it though it was a really good experience for me. I'm actually very good in interviews, don't know why but usually they don't phase me, I prepare well and usually am confident and set up a good rapport with the panel, leave the interview feeling happy and in most cases I get offered. Since losing my job the whole process of looking for work & interviews has become a bit of a thing for me, quite anxiety provoking. So having an interview that went well has made me realise how silly I'm being, and that I am not going to let the experience with my last employer (and how shockingly they treated me) define me.

So whether I get it or not I now know I can do this :T and I also realised I've been getting so stressed when there is no need financially we are ok until I get a job, and I have a bit of time to find the right job. I've been so anxious about not having enough money I've been spending all of my time generating money & thinking about money. But clearly there's no need to do that either because for each month I have well exceeded my target. I've been working on generating money for the following month (so now things I'm selling/ms assignments are for October IYSWIM?) and at the 10th of Sept I've already made £255 when the amount I have been spending on pocket money a month is around £100. So I got this! No need to be running around like a headless chicken I should be sitting back and watching the flowers grow and enjoying this luxury :beer: once I'm back to work who knows if I'll ever get the chance again to have an extended period off? And for sure we're not living like rockstars but we're certainly not hard up or going without

Today I have a couple of jobs to do -

* do a job search
* go and deliver a facebay sale (£20 :T)
* write a complaint letter to Sentinal - I have this product 2002-2004 so am not automatically entered into the scheme, but they still sold it to me falsely
* write a letter of complaint to First Utility using the resolver tool
* see if I can get airport parking to refund me the booking (highly doubtful as I didn't pay for an amendable tariff and we are now flying from another airport)

Then I am actually going to make the wine :j and go and pick some elder berries to make more wine & vinegar. Then sit back and enjoy life.

Tonight I am going to a friend's birthday bash and there is a band at the pub. I'll be driving so apart from a drink for my friend and 1 to nurse it'll be a cheap evening :T

Ok really should start getting dgd ready!

Bobarella

Morning Determined

I know exactly how it feels to worry every day of a down time period about money. When my shop had to close for 6 months when I was initially advised it would be 5 weeks! Bit of a difference.
I was being drip fed money by the insurance company but the loss adjustor was so horrible and antagonistic that whenever I tried to ask for a projection of incoming funds he'd fob me off. So I had to make a finger tight budget for that period and assume I'd be getting nothing more and live like that.
It was very hard. I was bored. Depressed. Couldn't look for work for a long time as I had to be on call constantly to let them into the premises. Couldn't leave London to visit relatives.
Now I'm just about to have the baby and can't help but think of that 6 months off that I could have used to look after them! Things are still incredibly hard. I can't afford to employ anyone as the takings are not good enough to really pay me properly let alone a staff member. Every day people are asking me what I'm going to do. Including my clueless mother! And I don't have an answer.

So all I'm saying is I don't think it is really possible to relax and enjoy enforced periods of time off, when things have been very tight in the past because you always want to know where your money is coming from. Every person I know who contracts or is self employed says the same. So your not alone

I think you will have another job very soon though for the effort you are putting in and you are obviously a quality candidate.

Bob

determined_new_ms

Bob can your dh take paternity leave? I have found having a good CM is worth her (his?) weight in gold. It's been expensive (approx £700 a month) but probably a lot less than a nursery in London. Also will your dm help out? x

determined_new_ms

Good news - not the kind I'm keeping my fingers crossed for though! - just received a call from db and the insurance money has gone into his account & will clear tomorrow when he will transfer £2000 into my bank account.

Haven't really wanted to post on here about all the details of my mother's estate - seems crass to be rejoicing over the accounts being finalised - but it really couldn't have come at a better time.

I have a lot of regrets that I didn't take the chance to repair my relationship with my mother while she was alive. I have to deal with that. But things were always so difficult in my life with my dd's illness over the last few years (and several before that!) I just didn't have the energy to deal with my mother as well. If I could turn the clock back I would. But if a jug is broken you can't mend it with regret can you?

Have started looking on ebay for washing machines already!