Life is what happens when you're busy making plans

determined_new_ms

I've been toying with the idea of starting a diary (again!) to keep track of the trials and tribulations (and rising to the challenges) of the dnms household.

My story is I'm currently unemployed (and kinda looking for work) I was dismissed, was told suddenly at the end of June that I wasn't going to be confirmed in post and was given a week's salary in lieu of notice. To make matters worse as I was driving home I received a call from a hospital in London to say my mother had died. I have been left reeling with those two events.

I haven't really had it in me to look for another job for the last few months but after a week of holidays (went camping with a group of friends then went to visit an old friend in Holland) I am feeling back to my old self and ready to face the world again, although my confidence has been knocked by losing my job how I did and subsequently how I feel I was treated by my ex employers.

Our family situation is complicated (!) we are guardians for our 2 year old granddaughter. Her mother (my dd) has mental health issues and wasn't able to care for her adequately so we took her on rather than her going into the care system or being adopted. She's such a treasure and brings so much joy to our lives and we hope to do the best we can to make her life the best it possibly can be. We are lucky at this point she is showing no signs of attachment issues, but I am aware that she will likely have struggles coming to terms with her life situation.

So I really need to keep my costs as low as possible, bring in some extra income and find a job! As a "good will gesture" I was given a month's additional salary when I was asked to leave. Fortunately while my oh doesn't earn loads he does take home enough to meet our bills & mortgage expense. We have agreed I will pay for the food costs which means the month's additional salary would cover me being out of work for up to 6 month - gulp that's 4 months left then! :eek: those 2 month's have gone so quickly!!!

Sadly we had to give our wonderful childminder notice and next week our dgd will reduce her days from full time to 2 days a week. Our childminding costs were paid for by childcare vouchers up until the end of August so we decided to keep her there to enable me to look for work. At the beginning of August we decided to give our CM notice as we have to give her 4 weeks.

Because dgd had such an unsettled 1st year and the potential for her to develop attachment issues we have decided to keep her at the CM 2 days a week which is paid for by oh's childcare vouchers. I hope that I will be able to find another job and when I do I would want her to go back to the CM (she is wonderful) and also I don't want her to lose the friendships she has there. Oh & I have agreed we can afford for me to work part time and spend some time with dgd.

So I guess this thread will be a way of charting this unknown territory I'm in! In the very near future I hope to get a p/t job, spend quality time with dgd, keep my costs as low as possible and generate some extra income.

If you've persevered to the end of my first post - thank you for your commitment! I have a tendency to make a short story long!

Here's to living a simplier more purposeful life! :beer:

determined_new_ms

This is such a true saying isn't it? A year and a bit ago I was in a job with a salary of £35k we had just come back from a month's holiday in Brasil where my oh is from. We had had such a wonderful time and while the demands of my job where huge we decided we would work like crazy and save for a year and then take a years sabbatical.

I came back and a month later was made redundant! I had been with the company less than a year so was not entitled to any redundancy payout. Things were spiraling out of control with my dd coping with her baby. I was then thrown into intensively searching for another job, which I managed to secure and start 2 weeks after I left the previous company.

While finishing the contract, with 2 weeks to go before I left my dgd had come for an overnight stay and when I put her to bed while tiding up I found a letter from my dd saying she was leaving dgd here. There is no way to express the chaos that our lives then became, with every emotion you can think of swirling round and round.

I found another job, which looking back (2 months of hindsight!) wasn't right for me while I have a toddler and the demands of a dd with MH needs. It was very demanding and stressful and an expectation of more hours than I was contracted to do as well as a 1 1/2 - 2 hours commute a day. There were many things I loved about that job and maybe if I didn't have the many demands of my home life it might have been the right job for me. Initially we never thought having dgd would be a long term thing.

So for all the plans we had life suddenly let me know it had different intentions for me. Now I am hoping to trade in long hours and good salary for more time and freedom to enjoy dgd and the simplier things in life

determined_new_ms

Currently have £1200 of my last salary left - drip feeding into our joint account £250 pm. I also have about £4500 in savings but am hoping not to dip into this... My oh pays in £850 pm to our joint account

Monthly outgoings:

Mortgage £529 (thankfully remortgaged weeks before losing my job & fixed for 5 years)
Gas & elec £73
Barclay card min payment £25 (stoozing money have the balance in a savings account)
Water £37
BB £12
Tv licence £12.12
Council Tax £136
Childcare £40

Total £864.12

which leaves £235 for all other spends.

I'm trying to bring our GC spends in at about £40 pw. Doing this through a mix of ys shopping, making the most of Aldi & Lidl offers, making use of every bit of food that comes in the house, foraging, growing our own, using seasonal fruit and veg. No food wastage, something I have struggled with and am trying to improve at! Last month (I put spending on cashback cc so our "month" runs from about 20th-20th) I spent £203 and had budgeted for £200 as it was a 5 month week this coming month I have budgeted £175. This means if I can stick to the GC or bring it under we have a small surplus.

I have also set myself a target of raising my incidental spending at £60 pm and petrol £40, if it's a 5 week month then that (potentially) increases to £75 & £50.

Pleased to say with a mixture of ebaying, facebaying and mystery shopping I have made £190 for September :j £90 will go into savings

dgd's child benefit goes into a separate account for all of her things. I get the majority of her clothes from bootfairs, CS' or ebay - am loving bootfairs for toddler clothes. Every week for the last few weeks I've pick her up a few bits for pence. All of them really good quality and condition :T The rest of the money will go on activities for us while I am a p/t SAHN (stay at home Nan ) and any other incidentals needed.

determined_new_ms

Good morning world Feeling hopeful and optimistic today :j

Managed to sell something through facebay and the buyer will collect either today or tomorrow. That will be £51 in the coffers :T

Also have been invited by ebay to list 100 items without fees. No way I can do 100 :eek: I'm averaging about 4 a day but will make a concerted effort to get at least 15 items on over the next few days :think:

2 items on ebay sold last night for £13.50 hardly a fortune but every little helps as the saying goes and 3 of the 4 things I listed last night have watchers

Since losing my job I've spent a lot of time trying to generate extra income and it's been hard work! As of yesterday I am trying to do work-ish things before lunchtime - photo ebay items, mystery shopping, household chores, looking for work in the mornings and leaving the afternoons free for leisure - no point in aiming to be cash poor but time rich if I'm spending all my time doing chores!

So after this mornings efforts - I need to start my supporting statement for an vacancy I'm applying for - I intend to gather all of the things needed to make some blackberry wine :beer: This is my first attempt at home brewing and I am very excited about it! Berries are currently sitting in the freezer :j

Here's to the good life :beer:

determined_new_ms

Hurrah smashed my target for the month :j by some weird fluke I have managed to make £93 today :j:j:j

A couple of bits ended on ebay - couple of quid, an item I listed yesterday sold on buy it now, I sold a table on facebay and signed up for 3 mystery shops :beer:

Made a delish dinner using up 2 ys chicken kievs, made a satay sauce fried rice with veg. Have put remainder of sauce in a tub so oh doesn't throw it away when he cleans up

Only thing left to do today is list the 10 items I have ironed & photoed - it's such a drag isn't it???

Anyway hope someone pops in to say hi soon, it sure is lonely round here

LittleOne83

Hi dnms, you are lonely no more!
You are doing such an amazing thing for your dd and dgd. I hope your dd will come through the fog soon x

clearmydebts

Quick pop in to say you are doing so well.

I've subscribed 😀

determined_new_ms

LittleOne83 wrote: »

Hi dnms, you are lonely no more!
You are doing such an amazing thing for your dd and dgd. I hope your dd will come through the fog soon x

Ha ha friends! Thank you for popping in LittleOne Have a drink for your troubles :coffee: It's warm cider, medicinal as it's so cold here!

Thank you. I have only just had time to sit back and reflect on what a wonderful thing it is we have decided to do, devote our lives to ensuring my dgd has the best life she can & support my dd as much as we can and enable her to maintain a relationship with her dd. You just get on with the business of life don't you? With all of the raw emotions that have been involved it has taken time to sit back and realise what we have done. We have done a lot of research and, as much as we can, are using attachment parenting techniques so as to reduce any long term impact from her situation. I am very lucky with my oh, she's not his biological gd but he loves her as if she were his own.

Here's hoping for a happy ending!

determined_new_ms

clearmydebts wrote: »

Quick pop in to say you are doing so well.

I've subscribed 😀

Hi clearmydebts :hello: thanks for popping in! Have a spiced cider too :coffee:

determined_new_ms

Hurrah another day of pleasing myself stretching before me today is the 2nd to last day dgd is at the CM full time. Next week we will be together Monday - well extended weekend so family no different to usual weekends - Weds & Fri. Will plan activities for us to do, free or as near as damn it! Our CM is going to copy me some info on how she structures the day and activities so we can keep her routine as close to normal as possible. I'm planning to do 1 group a week, 1 physical activity (swimming/walk in the woods or beach/soft play/park/play gym) and 1 day home activites. That way she will get stimulation, exercise and socialise with other children, and it will all be able to come from her CB :T I wish I had enjoyed having children as much as I do now with dgd when my own were young but I can't change what's gone....

Today's plans are at a slower pace than they have been the last couple of weeks :j I've managed to raise £280 :T My original target was £100 then I stretched it to £200 (yesterday!) and I have surpassed both of these. I *only* need £100 (or less) to get me through the month. So I'm going to give myself a few days off :j

Exciting times! Me and my bff have talked of going to Ibiza together for years, but one thing or another gets in the way. BUT we have now agreed to go at the end of September for 3 night :lovethoug we've managed to find flights and accommodation for £130 :j so am going to pay for this with extra money I've earnt. Just need to raise some cash for spending but think I can do it on a budget. Exciting!

A few chores to do today:

* post 4 ebay sales - 2 through couriers so need to package them up, weigh them and find the best courier
* will list a few things on ebay tonight seeing as I have the fee free listings
* I have a 2 MS assignments to do tonight. 2 fast food restaurants so that will be dinner for all of us tonight So need to read through the guidelines and questions in preparation
* also need to print off paperwork & courier labels so will ask oh to do it at work and pop in there on my way to the MS assignment
* do a job search
* reformat the supporting statement on my job application

Other than those "to dos" am going to have an easy day. Might go and hunt down some more blackberries for the wine later. Realised I need to get some raisins so the big day will be tomorrow :j

crazy_cat_lady

Hi DNMS - I can do stalking too... :eek:
What a situation you have found yourself in, and what an admirable thing you have done... My DH suffers terribly with anxiety and depression and some days are great but others are awful. I often wonder how this affects our children, but I've always made sure I'm honest with them and that they know that when dad is poorly it's nothing they have done.
It is amazing how life just goes on, and you just keep coping with whatever it decides to throw your way.
I'll just help myself to cider and settle in.