Life is what happens when you're busy making plans

crazy_cat_lady

*ssshhhh* Hope your head is feeling better now. Pleased that you had a good time.

determined_new_ms

Morning world feeling much better today :j I ended up going to sleep at the same time as dgd last night! Darn hangovers! Luckily the are a very rare occurrence these days... I am reminded of that meme "While I can still party like a rock star, it appears I cannot recover like one!"

The festival was lovely. Local folky/bluesy bands, delish food (I had pad thai and scratched an itch for Thai food I have had since the beginning of the month for £6. And it was enough to take home and finish for dinner ), we went on a miniature train ride, a tractor tour around the fruit orchards, dgd played on the bouncy castle, saw the bug exhibition and even touched some (I have to be my super bravest when with dgd as she is given to anxiety if she sees any hint of apprehension from either of us she becomes frightened. So there I was grinning away and touching bugs just so she could experience it :eek:), she had her face painted and found a love of the hula hoop.

I even came back with £5 left of the money I had set aside for the day :j

Our social life has been very busy this weekend (it's feast or famine isn't it???) and will continue today as we are heading to my brother's for a BBQ. Hope the weather holds out Opps just checked the forecast and it's due to rain until 4! Will contact my db when it is a respectable hour and ask what the plan is!

Planning to make a apple & blackberry crumble to take with us so will pick up some cream on the way there. Also taking some bbq ribs that I picked up on offer at Lidl over the weekend as well as a bottle of wine. Feeling very :money: as a party for the 3 of us will cost us the price of petrol to get there and a fiver :T

Really really must finish my job application this morning, as it closes tomorrow morning. The annoying thing is it's already done, and it's a really good statement, but as I have applied for 2 jobs previously and this job in my home town in July I want to redo the format so the senior manager doesn't read the same statement again!

Also want to list more items on ebay. I kinda burnt out last week with ebay so haven't had any success since Friday with listing. But ce la vie! Am very happy that yesterday something sold on ebay that I have had to relist several times. I bought it specifically to sell so have been a little worried it wouldn't go and I wouldn't get my outlay back. Also 2 items have bids on. So that is £12.50 towards October's spending money

The house is still asleep so having went to sleep at 8 last night (although I do love it when I have a super early night!) I have been up since pottering around and drinking coffee enjoying the peace!

determined_new_ms

The other day while whittling away some of my life on the internet I came across a blog for a woman in America who is a kinship carer. There isn't a lot of real life info around kinship care and it is great to come across someone who is in the same situation as me. I read a few of her posts and a lot of what she said really resonated with me.

It's a funny thing kinship care, because while it is wonderful to watch a child develop into a person and after 15 months we have come to peace with our situation, it wasn't like this to begin with.

The days immediately after dgd was left here and the following months were turmoil. We suddenly found ourselves with a 11 month old baby, both working full time and no rights to speak of to instruct a childminder. Those first 2 weeks while I was finishing my contract were hell. I had to do my best to find any of my friend's who were free and would have dgd for the day among the people I trusted most. We were scared about whether social services would allow us to keep her, my dd had painted me to be a terrible person to the professionals she had come into contact with since having dgd (part of her illness means she often has an skewed perception of situations and will lie and manipulate situations - but she wasn't diagnosed until a few months after dgd came into our care) so we were constantly frightened they would decide to take her out of our care. In a situation like this SS make plans for the child to stay where they are, go back to the mother and also organise and assess adoptive parents. It's called parallel planning. The SW we had been assigned wasn't very good, and often said very insensitive things to me. We had to open our homes and our lives to SS to be assessed to be gdg's carers.

I was worried out of my mind for my dd, as her life was going from bad to worse, she had been made homeless and wasn't doing any of the things she needed to to get dgd back. Because of the situation with dgd and SS I had to prove that I could prioritise her over my dd's needs so there was little I could do to help her with her housing situation. I was also angry with my daughter, bitterly. She was being inconsistent with her relationship with her dd and letting everyone down. Initially she was having dgd one day a week while we were at work, but this was fraught with difficulty and after about a month it broke down. Then she just didn't make contact with me for a week before she was due to have her and on the day before she was due to have her I again was phoning round my friends and begging them to have dgd the following day.

My dd was being very erratic around dgd (I now know she was doing a lot of drugs at that time) and dgd was increasingly becoming anxious around her. Since all this we have worked really hard with my dd to help her to reconnect with her dd. As my dd's illness can make her interpret things sensitively we have had to be very sensitive about how we have dispensed any advice or tips so she doesn't perceive this as a criticism. But we have worked at it, she has taken a lot of it on and things have improved drastically. She now has a lovely relationship with dgd, who loves her very much.

Financially we were up to our limit. CM costs were between £800-£900 per month. When I changed jobs I had taken a salary drop of around £500pm. My dd was still claiming cb & ctc but wasn't helping us out. There was a point when I couldn't even afford to take dgd swimming and felt so poor.

In turn I felt so angry and bitter! I had struggled through bringing up 2 children alone and in poverty. And what I now know was the beginning of my dd's illness but at the time my dd hit adolescence life was hell. Over the years I had been promoted and increased my income. Now was the time when things should have been really good for me!

Then there was us, me and oh. We were struggling under the weight of everything and were at breaking point. Things were changing constantly and we'd get to a point where we'd think "ok we can cope with this" and then the next day something else would change and we'd be thrown back into emotional turmoil again. It was so hard going from being a childless couple, my children had both grown up and left home, and we would go on holidays and do as we pleased, to suddenly having an 11 month old and working full time/starting a new job. We sat down one evening and spoke about our lives and my oh said he was at his limit and couldn't cope with much more. He said if it did come to us separating he would stay with me throughout the assessment process with SS, would let me & dgd have our house and would help as much as he could with dgd. We'd been through so much together throughout my children's teenage years, and stayed solid and strong but we were now at breaking point. He honestly is the love of my life, we have such a wonderful relationship and love each other so much. He changed my life immeasurably. I was devastated.

It was around this time my dd had been offered a flat in supported accommodation with dgd. As I have said things went from bad to worse with my dd after dgd came to us, she was using drugs, her relationship with her bf was increasingly volatile and dgd was increasingly anxious in her company. My dd had after a couple of months of not being consistent with dgd, and for 6 weeks not seeing her at all, when she was offered the flat started to want to have her at the weekends. SS were preparing for my dd to take dgd back, despite not having done any of the things that had been agreed in the meetings. I increasingly felt uneasy about dgd being returned as while I haven't gone into what lead up to dgd coming here it was a very worrying time and I was very frightened for dgd's safety and well being. Then one weekend I dropped dgd off to my dd (at a friend's house) and as I was was handing her over dgd made it very clear she didn't want to stay with her, and started to cry and looked at me straight in the eyes with a really worried look, crying and holding her arms out to me. There was nothing I could do but leave her there but was haunted all day by the image of her looking into my eyes. I was due to pick her up on the Sunday at lunchtime but at 10 am I received a call from the police to say there had been a domestic incident between dd and her bf and could I go and pick up dgd.

That was it I filed the application at Court for dgd to stay in our custody. This was by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Writing the supporting statement with all the evidence that I felt meant she was in danger going back to her mother was so painful. I knew I was going to hurt my daughter so badly to see it all there in black and white, and the last thing I wanted was to hurt her. But I felt my dgd deserved for someone independent to look at her situation and work out what was in her best interests.

Well I guess nothing else needs to be said. Writing this I look back on the last 15 months and we've gone through an awful lot and come out the other side. Things in our life are now settled. My relationship with my dd has improved drastically (although at the moment there is a part of me that is angry with her and I have withdrawn from her at the moment), she now has somewhere to live, she is coming much more to contact, although there are still times when she doesn't come, we have a happy family life, things are peaceful.

When I lost my job and was feeling very hurt and confused by it I asked my oh if he was going to leave me. He looked at me a chuckled and said "You're joking right? This is nothing compared to what we've been through. We'll just work it out until you get a job."

Jeez that is such a long post!

DawnW

((Hugs)) DNMS - you have been through so much

I look after my little GD one day a week during term time (DD2 is a teacher) to help out with childcare costs, and I find THAT a challenge, especially now she has hit the terrible twos :eek: I honestly don't know how you do it, although I hope I would do the same if it ever became necessary.

I had teenage traumas with my elder daughter, with drugs, school refusal, unsuitable boyfriends and mental health issues (though nothing like as serious as you describe) and it was hell. Thankfully she didn't have children at that time.

Do take care. I hope that things continue to improve for you, and that your DD recovers, and one day realises what an exceptional person her mother is!

crazy_cat_lady

Wow DNMS - you have been through so much. I really admire what you've done to help your DGD grow up feeling safe and loved with you and your OH. xxx

Itsa_Longshot

Just read through, that's an awful lot you've had to cope with. Good to read at the end of the last post that things are settling down. The very best of luck to you! :T

determined_new_ms

Today has been a wash out.... This afternoon I got a headache so went for a nap hoping that it would go away. Woke up as oh's car was pulling into the drive :eek:

Positives of the day:

* went and had a productive meeting with the recruiting manager for position I applied for
* picked yet more blackberries which will be enough for breakfast for the next couple of days
* did monthly budgets/reconciled accounts. Came in with a £100 surplus :T Have put it towards what we owe mil
* sold a couple of items on fleabay
* spoke to BFF and made Ibiza plans :j

What didn't happen....

* looking for a job
* posting ebay sales

Opps! Must sort out the items and go and post before oh goes to work tomorrow. They are big boxes and won't be able to get the car seat and them in the car.

Anyone else get a buzz out of being efficient??? Weird thing is I really love it when I am efficient. So geeky but true I've known I love this in a work setting for years, but have recently discovered it at home. I'm naturally untidy and find tidying sooooooo hard. I can spend hours tidying a room and by the time I'm finished it's no different to when I started But after discovering konmarie I also discovered a way to tidy up really efficiently :j so in my head it's "doing a sweep" I'll sweep through a room or the whole house and look what needs to go from one area to another to be put away. Gather a number of items to go to said area/room and put them away, while in this area/room I do the same. I keep doing this until everywhere is tidy. Literally can tidy a floor/the house in next to no time :T :rotfl: It's the little things in life!

Right gonna have to go and list some bits on fleabay. Will give myself 1/2 to do the best I can!

LittleOne83

Sounds like an awesome nap! You obviously needed it.

I need to look into this konmarie method, I hate tidying and often have areas of clutter that just gets ignored!
Yay for Ibiza plans, when do you go?
x

determined_new_ms

We go on the 28th just for a couple of days :j we've just decided to get tickets to go to Pachas closing week party (well one night!) ha ha I'm having a midlife crisis, acting like a teenager again!

determined_new_ms

Morning world :wave:Today's a new day & I've been up since the crack of dawn. Feeling positive again today. I was hit with a wave of doubt yesterday. Upset about not working, worried I can't make enough money to live while out of work, and concerned about whether this extended time off work is going to affect my long term prospects, thinking about my late mother, our relationship and everything that is going on with her estate since her death (we were estranged and I didn't find out she had died until 5 days after her death. A "friend" of hers has cleared her flat & all of her belongings and has registered himself as her next of kin with her bank! We have had to go to the Police but it is drawing to a close as there is no evidence of what he has taken. Every time I think about it it makes me so mad!)

Fear it such a useless emotion, but can cause me to doubt myself and whether I can survive in life. But today is a new day. 2nd September and I have already made through ebay & a couple of ms assignments this week nearly £50 :T I'm really going to go all out to get this part time job if I get an interview, so I remain hopeful.

Today is the 1st day of being a SAHN and we are busy! Going to a bootfair this morning, will come home and have some quiet time and lunch and then this afternoon meeting up with dd for her contact and will be going swimming and for a walk around the creek to feed the ducks. Will take some photos to put in dgd's memory box. (I'm thinking of keeping a little diary of her development for her when she grows up so she can look back on how darn cute she is!) I might even treat us to a drink and a cake in a little cafe afterwards.

Have been up since 5.30 so have had some quiet time to have a coffee in peace and email my bff about some things for Ibiza :j. Need to go and get the parcel I'm posting as need to take out the batteries! Will nip off to post before oh leaves for work.

Exciting times