Wedding in 2 weeks, 2.5K short

Koalabear

DP and I set the date for our wedding in August last year. We planned a small ceremony in Europe and I've put money aside for roughly 1/2 of the total.

After months of me asking how he was getting on with saving etc, DP decided to tell me two days ago that he hasn't got any money to put towards what's outstanding. And now what? His parents say they can't help and I am reluctant to pick up the bill. I know about team work and the basis for a solid relationship but one person resolving all the issues is not team work.

Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation where your DP was supposed to be on board with working towards something but failed to deliver at the last minute?

DP is terrible with money and his credit rating is pretty poor so he's not going to get a loan. I am most definitely not taking out a loan on his behalf as he couldn't confidently describe how he's going to pay me back - and I pointed out that times when he was suppose to repay me, I had to keep chasing him up. I hate having to nag and micromanage people (and find it rather absurd, to be honest) so I am not putting myself in a position where I am the one having to do the leg work.

We fly out on in a week. My relatives are travelling from another continent to attend our wedding, as are a number of our close friends from here and Europe.

I am angry and very disappointed. He should have not come to me at all with this, not after all these months of me checking and reminding him - he's not a child, we are both in our forties.

ViolaLass

I wouldn't marry someone I didn't trust. Do you trust this man?

FBaby

Oh dear, what a position to be in at this stage Your whole post is full of questions marks though! How come you didn't agree to a common budget and monitored it together regularly? Your post implies that your approach to money is still his and hers, which is fine, but are you actually realising that once married, everything financial becomes joint?

Then you point out that your DP is bad with money, yet how this would be tackled once married hasn't seemed to be considered. How long have you been together, living together etc...

I expect most people will say that all this should be been discussed and sorted way before you agreed to marry. Clearly it is now either too late or the implication of going back is going to be quite traumatic.

All I can say is considering the investment and how short of time there is left to the day, you need to put all this behind you and enjoy the whole experience of the wedding without this over your mind. You can then tackle the whole financial issue afterwards heads on....or clearly call the whole thing of if you can't.

k3lvc

Koalabear wrote: »

DP and I set the date for our wedding in August last year. We planned a small ceremony in Europe and I've put money aside for roughly 1/2 of the total.

After months of me asking how he was getting on with saving etc, DP decided to tell me two days ago that he hasn't got any money to put towards what's outstanding. And now what? His parents say they can't help and I am reluctant to pick up the bill. I know about team work and the basis for a solid relationship but one person resolving all the issues is not team work.

Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation where your DP was supposed to be on board with working towards something but failed to deliver at the last minute?

DP is terrible with money and his credit rating is pretty poor so he's not going to get a loan. I am most definitely not taking out a loan on his behalf as he couldn't confidently describe how he's going to pay me back - and I pointed out that times when he was suppose to repay me, I had to keep chasing him up. I hate having to nag and micromanage people (and find it rather absurd, to be honest) so I am not putting myself in a position where I am the one having to do the leg work.

We fly out on in a week. My relatives are travelling from another continent to attend our wedding, as are a number of our close friends from here and Europe.

I am angry and very disappointed. He should have not come to me at all with this, not after all these months of me checking and reminding him - he's not a child, we are both in our forties.

Knew I'd read something like this before and all the advice that was given then

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/5193145=

It seems like not much was taken as with it there'd have been no surprises this late in the day

Not much you can do but unless I'm mistaken you're actually already married and the £5k was for a blessing/party/honeymoon

Only you can decide on the implications of cancelling or bailing out your husband but surely common sense would have said you both saved over the period needed and put the funds into an account visible to both but only accessible jointly

You also seem to treat DP (surely he's DH) like an employee using words such as control, micromanage, teamwork - maybe his actions are telling you something and he actualy wants to resign

pleasedelete

Why plan a wedding that youdidn't have the cash for? You should have had a joint account in place to save from the beginning.

If you don't love someone enough to have joint finances then you certainly shouldn't be getting married.

Why should his parents help?

Was the expectation that he would have the £2500 reasonable or was it unrealistic to begin with?

Just realised I have posted about this before. It isn't a wedding is it? it is a honeymoons. No-one needs to spend £5k on a honeymoon- you have debts so to book an extravagant honeymoon was ridiculous.

If you cancel now will you be able to stop the costs or is it pre-paid? (i.e. have you still to pay the hotel and if so what is the cancellation policy)

You knew that this was an issue in march-you should have cancelled then.

Andypandyboy

So you are actually married and this is a blessing?

gettingtheresometime

I thought you were married already as well.

As pleasedelete has already said why didn't you have a joint account - surely it would have keeping track of the saving easier.

Ii don't know whether it's frustation, anger or something else but the tone of your post doesn't bode well for any future disagreements.

summerspring

As detective k3lvc has spotted, it looks like you are already married, in which case the money is "ours" and not "yours" and "mine", if you see what I mean. But as to not having enough money for the get-together, I don't know what to suggest at this late stage other than get a loan or something :huh:

We all have weaknesses and strengths, and if his weakness is money perhaps it would be better if you took control of the finances from now on.

LilElvis

You're talking about not wanting to "lend" money. To your husband? Who lends money to their wife/husband? I thought that was one of the points of getting married, that you are a couple rather than individuals. And he has taken a year to let you that he hasn't saved any money. Where is the trust or commitment if the two of you haven't been able to discuss this until now? What else has he kept you in the dark about?

lika_86

You knew five months ago that your husband was 'drowning in unpaid debt' and seemingly expected him to come up with £2500 in five months. Was this ever realistic? As an aside, I'd be interested to know what you've done since your first post as it sounds a lot like you've stuck your head in the sand.

From a practical point of view - what is outstanding to pay? I must admit that £5000 for a small ceremony in Europe sounds a lot!

Honestly, I think this is one of those things that, unless you can really cut back on something, you might have to suck it up and get a loan for the rest. If the outstanding amount is for things you've agreed to pay by contract then I'm not sure what else you can do. If there's anything you've budgeted for that can be cancelled (ie. a meal out with guests) then you need to be doing that and warning people now.

owen_money

Has he been spending spare money on drugs and prostitutes? I know if I had any spare cash that's what I'd spend it on