Wedding in 2 weeks, 2.5K short

Rambosmum

Yikes. To answer your question: No, my OH has never agreed to do something of this magnitude and then not delivered at the last minute. He's occasionally agreed to do house work, or pick something up at the shop and forgotten but that's hardly the same thing.

I'd be seriously questioning if I wanted to marry this man. What happens when you buy a house, or have kids and he fails to provide financially for his portion of things? This is 'just' a wedding ('just' as in from a not necessary if you don't want it thing). Don't pay your mortgage because he doesn't produce his half and you could lose your house, don't pay your rent and you end up homeless. You see my point.

I'd also be questioning what on earth he has spent the money on- is it illicit, e.g. a gambling or substance habit or is he just sh!! with money? Either way, I'd want the issue resolving before we got married.

Why you planned a wedding without having the funds I'll never know. We got married 4 months after getting engaged, we had x amount in the bank and y amount donated lovingly by family. Wedding was planned to cost x+y. We had to scale back some ideas and we couldn't have absolutely everything we ever dreamed of but you never can and we didn't start married life in debt.

If you do decide you trust and want to marry this man, ask some of the providers if they'll take partial payment with full payment after the wedding- hopefully you'll get some money as gifts which will cover some of it!

ognum

OP, it seems you have been aware of your husbands financial situation (and therefore yours) for at least 5 months so this has not just been sprung apon you today.

I guess you have a few choices, your post 5 months ago alludes to having the money in your PayPal account to pay for the whole wedding so you can use that.

Or, you can cancel everything you can and not do it. Everything I read suggests this is what you want and not whet he wants.

After that you need to learn to communicate, get him to be honest if you want this marriage to survive, this is not him and you it should be we.

pinkshoes

Has he got a car he can sell to pay for his share? (Then replace it with a £300 banger to get to work if required?)

if he agreed to pay his half, then he should have stuck to his agreement, and certainly not leaving it until now to tell you.

Obviously he cannot take out a loan. I would want to know exactly how he intended to pay his half, and his reasoning why he hasn't. If he cannot provide this information, i would not be marrying him.

ognum

pinkshoes wrote: »

Has he got a car he can sell to pay for his share? (Then replace it with a £300 banger to get to work if required?)

if he agreed to pay his half, then he should have stuck to his agreement, and certainly not leaving it until now to tell you.

Obviously he cannot take out a loan. I would want to know exactly how he intended to pay his half, and his reasoning why he hasn't. If he cannot provide this information, i would not be marrying him.

They are already married!

gettingtheresometime

The OP posted on the weddings board back in March that they had got married a fortnight prior to posting and had this event booked for September and if she could cancel it she would as she couldn't see any way of financing it.

They were advised to cancel it especially as they were already married and were asked had they advised their guests that they were already married but no answers were ever forthcoming.

pinkshoes

From back in March:

Koalabear wrote: »

Our household has 3 cars at the moment: my cheap 'run around' which is worth £2,500 (no outstanding finance), and DH's two cars which are worth £9,000 (fully paid off) and £4,5000 (or thereabouts, but still has a lease of £4,000 outstanding). The second car was involved in an accident and has only just been fully repaired. DH is two months behind with the payments, and his proposal is that we sell my car and use the lease car for all the driving (specially long distance as he does a lot of miles) thus retaining the value of the expensive car. I have two concerns: 1) although my car is only cheap, it’s fully paid and I there was a desperate moment, I could sell it to raise some extra cash (and it’s mine!) whereas if we go ahead with the arrangement, I potentially have a more valuable car with £2,000 finance to pay; 2) I am concerned about DH’s ability to manage his money and how we are going to meet the repayments once we’ve used up the money from my car, plus the cost of running the lease car (not with fuel but maintenance, etc). Advice, please?
The finance company has refused a settlement offer by the way.

Did you sell the £9k car?? If not, SELL IT!

My DH says that if he could not be bothered to raise the money, then he doesn't want to be with you, as he would hace raised the money otherwise.

Person_one

In your last thread, you said you would "100% despise him" if he didn't come up with the cash and you ended up having to cover it all. A bit worrying for a newlywed! How do you feel about him now?

Do the invited relatives know that you are already married and that they are coming to a blessing/honeymoon?

Did you ever sit down and hash out just how much debt there is between the two of you?

Rambosmum

ognum wrote: »

They are already married!

Eh? What do you mean?

Koalabear

For us, this is our actual wedding. We got married legally beforehand as the cost of doing it all abroad (and the bureaucracy involved) were simply prohibitive.

I am VERY disappointed and angry because I went through the budget with DH/DP about a million times. We worked through all the things that weren't necessary and we only wanted something simple anyway. A big chunk of the cost actually comes from paying for flights and accommodation for us, my DS and DH's 3 children. We've gone for very budget accommodation because once again, luxury wasn't a priority. We don't have to pay for hire where we are holding our reception so the only other big expense was the boat to take us all to a secluded beach for the ceremony - it was either that or using a hotel room which again would have incurred a cost in itself.

I meant for me to borrow money on my name alone in order to make up for the difference.

I TRUSTED DH to deliver his share of it. Simple. I budgeted it, I kept him up to date, we discussed the ins and outs of it so nothing has come as a surprise in terms of how much was still outstanding.

Taken into account what I already knew, this was my way of giving him a chance to show that he can be trusted with money.

gettingtheresometime

Rambosmum wrote: »

Eh? What do you mean?

OP got married feb/mar 2015 in a registry office with them and 2 witnesses but for some reason not yet explained they are having another 'wedding' ceremony costing £5K with guests abroad.