Wedding in 2 weeks, 2.5K short

gettingtheresometime

TonyMMM wrote: »

No ... it is very common for the real wedding to take place in the UK just before (or after) the "wedding" abroad .... for quite a few countries it makes the legalities much simpler.

Anyone who has worked in registration offices will tell you they happen all the time.

Quite often just the couple plus two witnesses (usually sworn to secrecy) - the family & friends shelling out lots of cash to attend the "wedding" don't even realise.

I think I'm right in saying that I've heard of Hindu couples having a registry office wedding (to make it legal) and then have the Hindu ceremony and there was a couple on DTTB where they got married in a cinema but then had to go and have a registry office wedding to make it legal but why a wedding in this country and then 6 months later go abroad for another wedding spending money you haven't got. Doesn't make sense

summerspring

gettingtheresometime wrote: »

why a wedding in this country and then 6 months later go abroad for another wedding spending money you haven't got. Doesn't make sense

I think they were saving, hence the 6 month gap between the wedding and the get-together in another country.

LilElvis

summerspring wrote: »

I think they were saving, hence the 6 month gap between the wedding and the get-together in another country.

Apparently only one of them was saving, the other just nodded, grinned and only owned up to not having the money with 2 weeks to go.

System

Something similar happened to my manager, she's getting married next month and they were supposed to pay half of the costs each, except a few months ago she found out he hadn't actually put any money aside :eek: she had rather strong words with him and he ended up sulking because he's now having to save a considerable amount of his wages to pay his share.

gettingtheresometime

summerspring wrote: »

I think they were saving, hence the 6 month gap between the wedding and the get-together in another country.

But the OP has said that they consider this to be their wedding.

Oh its definitely a mess with no easy solution; if the OP doesn't take out a loan to cover the shortfall then there's going to be some seriously miffed guests (I mean how do you explain that the wedding's off but it doesn't matter as you're already married) and if she does then the smiles will be through gritted teeth

belfastgirl23

I can't help thinking that you were unrealistic here. A leopard can't change his spots. But somehow you thought that this person who you always knew to be terrible with money was going to become good with money. My mum has a saying that there are some people who make a liar out of you - as in they refuse to accept you how you are so they kind of force you to deceive them if you want to continue a relationship. Realistically could your DH tell you earlier he hadn't managed to save the money? Clearly you were going to kick up a storm about it.

I think you're being unrealistic expecting him to change. Either you love him and you want to be with him - in which case you accept who/how he is and find methods of living with it that you can both cope with - eg you control the money and give him an allowance. Or you decide you can't live with him. But the in-between where you are playing the victim doesn't help you or him, or your relationship.

You set him a task you knew in your heart he'd fail at. I think the question is why you did this, not why did he fail at it.

pollypenny

From what I've seen and heard, weddings can take on a life of their own and things escalate with fancier additions, which the bridezilla just had to have for her 'big day'.

Perhaps this is one reason why the guy is not saving. I don't understand why anyone would get into debt for such circuses.

ViolaLass

pollypenny wrote: »

From what I've seen and heard, weddings can take on a life of their own and things escalate with fancier additions, which the bridezilla just had to have for her 'big day'.

Extrapolating from anecdotal evidence is such a wonderful thing, and so reliable.

thorsoak

You are legally married to this light-weight - so you have to decide whether to throw any more money at this relationship - or to cut your losses, lose whatever you have already paid out, go through with the charade of "celebrating" a marriage that is already beset by lies, procrastination and resentment - and pay out later for a legal divorce.

He ain't gonna change! So you either suck it up, stop feeling resentment - you know what he is like - and finance everything. Or you make a clean break. That is what it boils down to.

Pollycat

Koalabear wrote: »

After months of me asking how he was getting on with saving etc, DP decided to tell me two days ago that he hasn't got any money to put towards what's outstanding. And now what? His parents say they can't help and I am reluctant to pick up the bill.

DP is terrible with money and his credit rating is pretty poor so he's not going to get a loan. I am most definitely not taking out a loan on his behalf as he couldn't confidently describe how he's going to pay me back - and I pointed out that times when he was suppose to repay me, I had to keep chasing him up. I hate having to nag and micromanage people (and find it rather absurd, to be honest) so I am not putting myself in a position where I am the one having to do the leg work.

We fly out on in a week. My relatives are travelling from another continent to attend our wedding, as are a number of our close friends from here and Europe.

So if he hasn't saved any money. he can't get a loan because of his poor credit rating, you won't take out a loan and his parents say they can't help - what are your realistic options?

Where is the £2.5K shortfall going to materialise from?