Wedding in 2 weeks, 2.5K short

lemontart

Pollycat wrote: »

I too would be worried.
If he earns enough to save but isn't, then I doubt he's likely to change now.
There is absolutely no way on this earth that I would be using money from the sale of my house to fund a wedding to someone who is so disinterested in contributing his share.

Why are you getting married anyway?

why getting married? commitment love etc why does anyone get married?.

I am holding back on making definite plans until he shows he can help pay for it as no way can I afford it all

Mojisola

lemontart wrote: »

why getting married? commitment love etc why does anyone get married?

How much commitment is he showing you?

Pollycat

lemontart wrote: »

why getting married? commitment love etc why does anyone get married?.

Have you checked what changes there will be between not living together, living together as unmarried people and living together a a married couple?

I would if I were you.

I agree with Mojisola - the 'commitment' in your relationship appears to be pretty one-sided.

I would also seriously question the fact that a guy has reached the of 54 and has never had a house of his own instead choosing to live in girlfriends' houses or rent with them - not to mention currently living with his Mother - and still being unable to save money.

pinkshoes

OP, did your OH sell his car worth £9k? If not, then he needs to now sell this to pay his share.

He agreed to a realistic budget to save the money,but chose not to stick to it, so personally i think it shows where his priorities lie.

Out,_Vile_Jelly

A man could have the clingy-shirted torso of Colin Firth, angular grin of Benedict Cumberbatch, melting eyes of George Clooney and devestating wit of Oscar Wilde and I'd still dump them if they turned out to be useless with money. To me, nothing makes a man more instantly unattractive (except perhaps leaving dirty pants on the floor). Being unable to live within their means necessitates your turning into a constant nag about money, always being the boring one who says No, having to act like a mother to a helpless child. No thanks.

Sorry to sound flippant OP, but your choices are limited. Cancel the ceremony and disappoint guests, or take on debt and convince yourself that you're going to enjoy it. Either way you need to have a serious talk with your partner about your financial future.

pollypenny

ViolaLass wrote: »

Extrapolating from anecdotal evidence is such a wonderful thing, and so reliable.

Hmmmm, nice.

My comment is derived from close observation, as well as reading a number of threads here.

carefullycautious

Koalabear wrote: »

For us, this is our actual wedding. We got married legally beforehand as the cost of doing it all abroad (and the bureaucracy involved) were simply prohibitive.

I am VERY disappointed and angry because I went through the budget with DH/DP about a million times. We worked through all the things that weren't necessary and we only wanted something simple anyway. A big chunk of the cost actually comes from paying for flights and accommodation for us, my DS and DH's 3 children. We've gone for very budget accommodation because once again, luxury wasn't a priority. We don't have to pay for hire where we are holding our reception so the only other big expense was the boat to take us all to a secluded beach for the ceremony - it was either that or using a hotel room which again would have incurred a cost in itself.

I meant for me to borrow money on my name alone in order to make up for the difference.

I TRUSTED DH to deliver his share of it. Simple. I budgeted it, I kept him up to date, we discussed the ins and outs of it so nothing has come as a surprise in terms of how much was still outstanding.

Taken into account what I already knew, this was my way of giving him a chance to show that he can be trusted with money.

You deserve everything you get with this 'Entitlement' whining. You should never have tried to live above your means

Pollycat

carefullycautious wrote: »

You deserve everything you get with this 'Entitlement' whining. You should never have tried to live above your means

I'm sure the OP is not the first one to live above her means and undoubtedly won't be the last.

Actually, I don't get the 'entitelment' whining that you seem to .

The OP - presumably in conjunction with her now husband - planned a wedding (which in fact is a 'blessing' or whatever the term for a 'do' after the event is) and agreed that they'd both save to fund it.
Where is the 'entitlement whining' in that?

I personally wouldn't spend £5K on a wedding/honeymoon but as long as nobody expects me to pay towards their wedding I don't care what they spend or how they raise the money.

FBaby

I am holding back on making definite plans until he shows he can help pay for it as no way can I afford it all

How about holding back until you have jointly saved for the full amount of the cost of the wedding before starting to make plans? Are you maybe rushing into this? How long have you been together? Why not even plan to live together before getting married?

I'd still dump them if they turned out to be useless with money. To me, nothing makes a man more instantly unattractive

I'm with you on that one. Having spend 6 years with a man who was bad with money when we met and was worse when I decided I had enough, I vowed I would never fall in love with a man who wasn't good with money. It indeed became a very unatractive trait that made me run away very quickly.

lemontart

FBaby wrote: »

How about holding back until you have jointly saved for the full amount of the cost of the wedding before starting to make plans? Are you maybe rushing into this? How long have you been together? Why not even plan to live together before getting married?


I'm with you on that one. Having spend 6 years with a man who was bad with money when we met and was worse when I decided I had enough, I vowed I would never fall in love with a man who wasn't good with money. It indeed became a very unatractive trait that made me run away very quickly.

known him 20. together 2 and it is bothering me a lot, you are all right he has to pay his way plan and simple. As this is my house that I have all but paid for I do not want him living here full time as need to downsize and move to one level due to my disability beit it alone or with him