Wedding in 2 weeks, 2.5K short

BigAunty

Perhaps one way for him to improve his communication skills and to highlight the impact of his spendthrift ways is to insist that he calls round all the attendees about its cancellation.

You are already married (to someone you dont trust and who doesnt show you enough respect.

What you cant afford is the party/honeymoon.

cakeforbrains

You can't have separate money now. You have joint money. Pool it and pay off your debts together, starting with the highest interest (whether that be in your name or his).

lika_86

Person_one wrote: »

Ok, but you do know it isn't your actual wedding, right? That only happens once.

You haven't answered the question of whether your guests know that they aren't coming to the actual wedding, that's important information because it may affect posters' opinions of what is appropriate to do in terms of cancelling/changing plans etc.

I can't help but think it was a terrible idea to plan an expensive holiday when you both had substantial amounts of debt. Realistically, you couldn't afford this no matter how much you 'saved' and 'budgeted'.

Real wedding or blessing, either way I'd be mightily annoyed (understatement) if the couple cancelled a week before I was due to go on a holiday I'd booked only because of them. I think it's definitely now too late to cancel and still hope to maintain good relations with all (if that's important to the OP).

I do wonder how much of this was bought into by the OP's DH, I must admit that from the men I know, most have been swept along by the bride's enthusiasm about wedding plans, rather than caring about most of it anyway. I have yet to meet a man who cares whether the flowers are peonies or roses or whether there even are flowers etc. They mostly want to make their OH happy. Although he might have been wrong, the OP's DH could have been very well-intentioned but got signed up to something he couldn't deliver.

LilElvis

candlelight_2013 wrote: »

I definitely agree with Tony, how many times have I been told "this is not the real wedding it is just the registration". No it isn't, it is a legal marriage according to the laws of THIS country

Candlelightx

Legally we were married by a guy called Al Hansen, just the three of us in a room the size of a broom-cupboard (no exaggeration).

My actual wedding was a few minutes later, and officiated by Elvis

I have no memory of what we said to Al, but I remember every vow we made to Elvis. :rotfl:

Person_one

lika_86 wrote: »

Real wedding or blessing, either way I'd be mightily annoyed (understatement) if the couple cancelled a week before I was due to go on a holiday I'd booked only because of them. I think it's definitely now too late to cancel and still hope to maintain good relations with all (if that's important to the OP).

I'd be more annoyed if somebody I cared about went through with an incredibly ill-advised wedding or 'blessing' just because they didn't want to admit they'd made a mistake! Mind you, I wouldn't go to a wedding abroad in the first place, but when you accept a wedding invitation there's always a small chance it won't actually go ahead.

pickledonionspaceraider

Koalabear wrote: »

DP and I set the date for our wedding in August last year. We planned a small ceremony in Europe and I've put money aside for roughly 1/2 of the total.

After months of me asking how he was getting on with saving etc, DP decided to tell me two days ago that he hasn't got any money to put towards what's outstanding. And now what? His parents say they can't help and I am reluctant to pick up the bill. I know about team work and the basis for a solid relationship but one person resolving all the issues is not team work.

Has anyone found themselves in a similar situation where your DP was supposed to be on board with working towards something but failed to deliver at the last minute?

DP is terrible with money and his credit rating is pretty poor so he's not going to get a loan. I am most definitely not taking out a loan on his behalf as he couldn't confidently describe how he's going to pay me back - and I pointed out that times when he was suppose to repay me, I had to keep chasing him up. I hate having to nag and micromanage people (and find it rather absurd, to be honest) so I am not putting myself in a position where I am the one having to do the leg work.

We fly out on in a week. My relatives are travelling from another continent to attend our wedding, as are a number of our close friends from here and Europe.

I am angry and very disappointed. He should have not come to me at all with this, not after all these months of me checking and reminding him - he's not a child, we are both in our forties.

But you got married in March? and this is for a non necessary blessing?

You are already married, you don't need this expensive extravagance that you cannot afford...

k3lvc

pickledonionspaceraider wrote: »

But you got married in March? and this is for a non necessary blessing?

You are already married, you don't need this expensive extravagance that you cannot afford...

But the 'guests' will probably be a bit miffed having travelled half way round the world only to find that the 'bride & groom' don't make it but are actually married already

PeonySugar

You cannot go through with the ceremony just for the sake of other people. If it were me, I would be separating, if you can't manage your finances together then you just can't work together as a couple. I would arrange with some of the money you have saved for your relatives who can't back out of it for them to have a surprise meal/hire a cheap boat/arrange an excursion as an apology.

pollypenny

Perhaps the guy doesn't really want this 'grande spectacle' of a fancy wedding.

LilElvis

pollypenny wrote: »

Perhaps the guy doesn't really want this 'grande spectacle' of a fancy wedding.

Then he should have said something a year ago when it was booked.