Your partner doesn't drive, does it bother you?

carmina_piranha

OP could you rent somewhere together that was near to his work? Maybe in the long term his anxiety will improve and he might learn to drive before you are ready to buy together.

carmina_piranha

elisebutt65 wrote: »

I've given up trying to drive after the 3rd fail & drove into a bus on my test . I'm dyspraxic and I really, really can't judge distances at all. I don't even like being a passenger in the front. Seeing cars coming at me makes me flinch. Lol.

I flinch too! It's worse in the dark.

I can't use a games controller without flinging myself around the room, and even walking down the street means bumping into various things and people.

It's not lack of ambition that stops me driving - it's the self awareness that I shouldn't be behind the wheel :eek: I've set myself other challenges and regularly take courses, etc. but driving isn't one of them. I do things that improve co-ordination - last week I fell off a dance mat :rotfl: I keep trying, but being a poor driver could cause much more damage than bumping an elbow as I fall off a dance mat.

Petra_70

PlymouthMaid wrote: »

It would bother me a bit. In the early days it woudl just put me off someone as being 'scared to drive' is a bit too wimpy for me. Thinking long term it woudl bother me as it would mean all driving chores such as collecting and delivering children, shopping etc would always fall on my shoulders.

I go along with this. Me and my OH both drive but my sister's husband cannot drive and she has to do everything!, and drive them everywhere!. Long journeys, the school run, everything; she has to do it. He doesn't drive and won't learn.

I wouldn't be too happy if I had a non driving partner.

elisebutt65

carmina_piranha wrote: »

I flinch too! It's worse in the dark.

I can't use a games controller without flinging myself around the room, and even walking down the street means bumping into various things and people.

It's not lack of ambition that stops me driving - it's the self awareness that I shouldn't be behind the wheel :eek: I've set myself other challenges and regularly take courses, etc. but driving isn't one of them. I do things that improve co-ordination - last week I fell off a dance mat :rotfl: I keep trying, but being a poor driver could cause much more damage than bumping an elbow as I fall off a dance mat.

Hahaha, so glad I'm not alone. I went out with ds on my new shiny red bike the other day and he peed himself laughing at me. I kept stopping when people were walking towards me (in the park) and despite the huge cycle paths on the pavement, I still rode into a lamppost!

I've asked oh to take me (ie keep an eye on me) whilst we cycle up to Earlsdon today. I have to use this damned thing now I've bought it, even though I hate it. I've signed us all up to do a Sky ride in September as well to make sure that I get some cycling practice in. Luckily we have loads of lovely 'on pavement' cycle paths here.

I would be a real danger on the road, not being able to steer straight and not judging distances is quite a hindrance.

sevenredpoppies

pinpin wrote: »

Did you find the test in a different area of the beta blockers helped the most?

I once considered taking my test in a remote part of Scotland where teh pass rate is about 85% due to being no other cars on the road!

The different area definitely made a positive difference although I didn't think that way beforehand. I found that on previous tests, I'd be second guessing what the test instructor would ask next or where he'd be directing me to and for what purpose. In a town where I hadn't a clue where I was going, I just had to follow instruction and react when told what was required (if that makes sense). Being completely lost was my friend that day!

pinpin wrote: »

I also think various drugs like betablockers could help me. Did they make you calmer or did they just stop the 'symptoms'? (i.e shaking)

Beta blockers took away the physical symptoms like the shaking. I still felt nervous but the panic was kept at bay.

pinpin wrote: »

And regarding the CBT. Did you need multiple tries on that, too? I thought that one cant really 'fail' the CBT. Did they just say you need to come back for more training before you get your certificate? Did you have to pay more than once?

They say nobody can fail a CBT but I think I was on a mission to prove that statement wrong. The first guy I went with didn't have a huge space to practise in so I immediately felt hemmed in which didn't help with my sense of panic. I spent 5 whole days there and didn't even make it to the road. Out of hope and money I decided I wasn't going back there. Second guy I went to was set up in a cordoned off car park and what a difference that made! I wasn't on my own either so it was good to have some morale support. Second day I was out on the road - I flew off headfirst at one point and fell over at another - part nerves and part looking where I shouldn't have been (kerbs were not my friend that day!) but I still passed. How, I'm still not sure!

pinpin wrote: »

I plan to take my CBT soon too hopefully improve my road sense and at least give me a way of getting from A to B on my own as I have lots of hospital appointments and stuff now due to my bad health (that sounds depressing! I'm only in my 20's!!)

Going out when it's quiet to get a feel for whatever vehicle you're in is good to start with. I loved my bike, I just wasn't confident on the road so I didn't go out as often as I probably should have.

pinpin wrote: »

I tend to 'freeze' when i'm driving, especially in a test situation.
My instructor used to say I was quite good (hence why he kept putting me i for my test) but when I got behind the wheel at test time, I felt like I was in someone elses body or as if i'd been posessed! I lose all of my 'senses' and can barely think straight

Definitely give beta blockers a go. It was that exact feeling that made me freeze and go blank!! Once I passed I won't say that it was completely different because I still felt anxious, but going out for short runs often and building it up has helped a lot. The very best of luck and best wishes for the future

carmina_piranha

Petra_70 wrote: »

I go along with this. Me and my OH both drive but my sister's husband cannot drive and she has to do everything!, and drive them everywhere!. Long journeys, the school run, everything; she has to do it. He doesn't drive and won't learn.

I wouldn't be too happy if I had a non driving partner.

Long journeys yes, although I prefer to go by train and often so does my husband - but he doesn't HAVE to drive anywhere except for work. I walk the children to school and to their sports, etc. and the fewer cars on the road during the school run the better in my opinion. My husband starts work before the school run anyhow. He will pick us up after sports sometimes, but we usually walk.

My work is within cycling distance - so is my husband's but he needs a car for work - it's a company car. I often get shopping delivered or cycle and fill the bike basket and panniers.

My husband never HAS to drive any of us anywhere, we have legs and bikes, a bus stop around the corner and a train station less than a mile away. High school is 2 miles if that, and primary is within walking distance.

I understand that some people need a car for their circumstances, but I don't. My teenager has a friend whose mum DRIVES him on his paper round :rotfl: Loads of people in my town would never dream of walking a mile.

OnceTwiceThreeLotsOfSB

Lily-Rose wrote: »

I disagree.

In many places, it is quite hard to function without being able to drive. Even if you live in a town or city. Yes you can get around the town or city on the bus, but other than that you are restricted. And you become quite dependant on others, whether you realise it or not. Whenever you go anywhere with family or friends or your partner, it's always someone else who has to drive:- not you. It's very unfair.

As has been highlighted earlier in the thread, you can often get places so much quicker in a car than you can by bus... And as many have said, many employers require it as a skill.

If someone cannot drive and refuses to learn, then they should not expect their partner to drive them anywhere - ever. I wouldn't if my partner refused to drive.

I have known several people with partners who don't drive, but expect to be driven around, and it's a massive bugbear and grates on them something awful, and puts a big strain on the relationship.

I remember a thread on here from a while back where the OP was sick of being the driver.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4951601

I wouldn't like it - not indefinitely - and I think someone refusing to drive and expecting their partner to always do it, has no respect for their partner.

Of course, it would be beyond the realms of possibility for your friends/family and yourself to agree to get a coach/minibus to your chosen destination.


I'm not sure why non-drivers get stick for supposedly being dependent burdens due to their lack of skill yet drivers don't seem to get criticism for refusing to consider any form of transport but the car. Non-drivers should feel obliged to do something they may not want to do but that doesn't apply to drivers. Sounds fair.


I don't drive and if transport was an issue for a relationship of mine, I'd expect us both to compromise. Something along the lines of her picking me up every other week, with me paying for my own train/bus tickets in the weeks inbetween. I certainly wouldn't feel guilty with that set-up.

OnceTwiceThreeLotsOfSB

DKLS wrote: »

No worries Pinpin, your post was just curious and I totally agree what rocks one persons world doesn't rock another, my best mate loves big girls and bigger the better :eek: which wasn't to my taste but we made a good team as the majority of chunky monkeys have a skinny mate on a night out.

To be fair I did spend 12 years with a lass who was happy with her lot and had zero ambition, and in hindsight it was 11years and 9 months of my life that was wasted, her only ambition in life was to get DLA for her imaginary conditions and she was over the moon when she heard about fibro.

My first girlfriend, after her was the exact opposite she had 3 porsche's in the garage, her own business and was much better than the ex in every single way possible which was a real eye opener.

You sound like a real catch.

Gloomendoom

OnceTwiceThreeLotsOfSB wrote: »

I don't drive and if transport was an issue for a relationship of mine, I'd expect us both to compromise. Something along the lines of her picking me up every other week, with me paying for my own train/bus tickets in the weeks inbetween. I certainly wouldn't feel guilty with that set-up.

That seems like a bit of a one sided compromise to me, If she is paying for her own transport in the weeks that she doesn't drive then, to be fair, you should contribute to your transport (running costs of her car) in the alternate weeks when she does drive.

That way you are both paying the same.

purpleweasel

leeparsons wrote: »

I am sorry to say this, but your comment is offensive!

What a shallow person you are. Perhaps there is a reason they dont drive, like medical conditions. That has nothing to do with drive or ambition. You sound like a gold digger chav! I hope guys realize what you really are!

Lack of a sense of humour would definately be a deal-breaker for me....

I know someone who used to say he could never fancy a ginger. Met his wife in a dark nightclub and now has two ginger kids!