Your partner doesn't drive, does it bother you?

PeonySugar

To make this as non specific as possible, you live a 30 minute drive away from each other. No direct public transport route between you that takes less than 2 hours. You have to do all the driving to see each other and go places and do things.

Partner is scared to learn to drive.

How do you feel?

Edit: to elaborate, i allowed him to get a months insurance on my car in which I would teach him as much as I could on the understanding straight after he would book some lessons so it's not another gap again, but he hasn't, due to his anxiety. He has his theory. And to clarify for certain reasons I cannot go to his house so whenever I see him, really it's a 2 hour journey from mine to his, his to mine, mine to his, his to mine every time. He just says he'll get taxis but it's expensive and he's supposed to be catching up to what I have saved for a house deposit. We both didn't drive when we met but I had my license. I then bought a car and started driving. I have anxiety so I can understand how he feels, but it's draining me and making my anxiety worse, I feel like all I do is drive drive drive.

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ellay864

No problem...what's 30 minutes? It's not as if they would have been driving when you first met and then stopped...you knew from the start and are far enough into a relationship to describe them as your partner so you should be able to accept it now.
Does the non-driver WANT to be able to drive? If so then maybe a way forward is to encourage them, maybe go out with them once they've got a provisional licence. maybe going out with somebody they know will help them face lessons with an instructor

duchy

Well if you live ten miles apart then you aren't really partners but boyfriend/girlfriend.

Frankly it doesn't matter how anyone else feels -it's how you feel about it and if the relationship is worth the travelling to you or not. It's no different to a long distance relationship in that sense . If the relationship is meant to be then you'll find a way to make it work - If you aren't that committed over the long term then you won't.

A partnership -it wouldn't matter - a new relationship it may or may not be a deal breaker (but so can lots of other things too).

Frankly if ten miles is too far for you then you probably aren't the right person for them. Presumably they aren't a hermit and managed to get to work, meet friends etc before they met you -and the problem is yours not theirs because thirty minutes in a car is too much bother for you. When you are really into someone a long journey isn't too long - let alone a half hour drive.

If you met them on a dating site then possibly you need to change your profile to make it clear how far you are prepared to travel or if it is essential to you that you require the other person to live in the same town or be able to drive themselves.

PasturesNew

You can't judge something on one irritation. Once you've taken the time/effort to pick them up and drop them off, do they make you feel special/wanted, or do they sit and grunt their way through your fridge contents before telling you when they want to be driven home (and/or dropped off at the pub)?

lazer

It would bother me, 30 Mins is an hour return, and if you want to go for a day out it is probably then another hour drive or similar.

In saying that it does depend on the relationship and how everything else is

Do they appreciate you doing all the travelling, contribute or offer you fuel money, do they expect you to drive to see them all the time or are they happy to take the public transport option sometimes.

How long have you been together, and what are the long term plans, if you plan to move in together at some stage then the travelling to visit your partner won't be an issue.

DUTR

duchy wrote: »

Well if you live ten miles apart then you aren't really partners but boyfriend/girlfriend.

Frankly it doesn't matter how anyone else feels -it's how you feel about it and if the relationship is worth the travelling to you or not. It's no different to a long distance relationship in that sense . If the relationship is meant to be then you'll find a way to make it work - If you aren't that committed over the long term then you won't.

A partnership -it wouldn't matter - a new relationship it may or may not be a deal breaker (but so can lots of other things too).

Frankly if ten miles is too far for you then you probably aren't the right person for them. Presumably they aren't a hermit and managed to get to work, meet friends etc before they met you -and the problem is yours not theirs because two miles is too much bother for you. When you are really into someone a long journey isn't too long - let alone a half hour drive.

Duchy where does the 2 miles come into it? (only that it's mentioned more than once in your reply)
I agree though it's how the individual feels not the majority of respondants, that said, me...? Must be driving and car owner or it's not going to last long if it gets off the ground.

KxMx

I don't drive and don't have means to learn; for dating I am upfront about this and look very locally only because I don't think a relationship where one does all the driving is particularly fair.

duchy

Yes I'd already edited but the principle is the same - The distance isn't the issue it's the willingness (or lack of ) to deal with it.

I don't think this is a partnership though but a new relationship.
Frankly any bloke who didn't think I was worth a thirty minute drive wouldn't get past a second date though !!

sarah_diamond

It's never bothered me as I enjoy driving. In fact, quite a few of my relationships over the years have had a decent drive/distance due to the nature of our meeting through a club for South Wales, I've spent 18 months driving Swansea to Newport every weekend and done 10months Swansea to Bridgend although they both drove so we'd take it in turns in the week. Since moving to Cardiff I've just split from a guy who didn't drive at all (although he said he could but chose not to - turns out that was a lie) but I always said I didn't mind as I love driving.

I agree if they can't be bothered to make the effort then it could cause an issue! never been a problem for me though. As long as you enjoy the time you spend together does it matter how you got there?

DUTR

duchy wrote: »

Yes I'd already edited but the principle is the same - The distance isn't the issue it's the willingness (or lack of ) to deal with it.

I don't think this is a partnership though but a new relationship.
Frankly any bloke who didn't think I was worth a thirty minute drive wouldn't get past a second date though !!

heh heh , like you say it's about the principle. Anyone is perhaps worth a 30 minute or more drive, it's the dependancy that is 'ugly' IMO.

duchy

Yup
But one person's "dependency" is another man's "I'm the man it's my job to drive and get you home safely". The latter would be more of a problem for me than the former in a relationship but it works well for many couples .