Your partner doesn't drive, does it bother you?

duchy

I do think as a sufferer of anxiety yourself you'll realize that the expectations you have saving, finding money for lessons and passing a test and ultimately driving may be creating more anxiety for him and that isn't going to help.

I can't see any reason why he MUST drive once you move and I also don't see any reason why you MUST drive to his every single night- Why not take the pressure off both of you for now and put driving on the backburner til you've moved - and arrange you have "nights off" (whether that means he makes it to yours by public transport or you don't see each other that night) or even he makes his way part of the way and you pick him up there.

barbarawright

elsien wrote: »

I wouldn't bank on the "he'll have to drive when we live together" bit. His anxiety isn't going to vanish just because you're in the same house, and there'll be even less incentive than he's got now to overcome it.
My brother passed his test at 17. He's now 50 and has never driven since. Yes there are times it's inconvenient - taking the kids on holiday means options are limited when you can only pick places with good public transport - but he lives in a city so it's fine on a day to day basis, and he manages. Because for whatever reason he'd rather do that than get behind the wheel if a car. Passing the test doesn't mean your boyfriend will continue to drive.
I do sympathise - 2 hours worth of driving after work would be a deal breaker for me. But I think he needs to focus on the reasons for the anxiety for him to be able to get anywhere.

Hardly anyone in my family can drive and we go on holidays all over the place - wilds of Scotland, backwoods of Canada, the Middle East etc etc. Just needs a bit more planning. And it does mean the kids grow up really savvy about public transport - none of this 'Is my 17 year old old safe to get a train on his own ?' that you sometimes read here.

Person_one

This isn't intended as a criticism of nervous drivers who've managed to overcome their fears and become competent, but to be honest if someone has this level of anxiety around driving I (as a fellow road user!) would much much rather they didn't force themselves to do it.

Driving is a huge responsibility, and really dangerous, but so many people do it so often we tend to forget that.

LandyAndy

I haven't read the thread.

Can't drive? Deal breaker if they say they won't learn.

How can anyone survive in the modern world (except maybe in London) without being able to drive?

Georgiegirl256

LandyAndy wrote: »

How can anyone survive in the modern world (except maybe in London) without being able to drive?

Very easily, by using these things called buses and trains. Even using cabs, a bike or by walking.

Granted, it's a lot easier and quicker when you have a car, but it is possible to survive in the modern world without one! Plenty of people do it.

barbarawright

LandyAndy wrote: »

I haven't read the thread.

Can't drive? Deal breaker if they say they won't learn.

How can anyone survive in the modern world (except maybe in London) without being able to drive?

What a strange thing to say. Plenty of people don't have cars. Are you saying they aren't surviving?

pinpin

I gave up learning to drive about 8 years ago. I'm 29
I just can't pass and at some point had to ask myself whether I was literally burning money on tests and lessons when I'm just not cut out for it.
Not a day goes by where someone (a friend, colleague, family member etc) doesn't tell me that I should 'try again'.

And regarding your post, not being able to drive is one of a few reasons why I don't tend to look for 'relationships' with girls as opposed to one-night flings.
I hate to be a burden.

geerex

BigAunty wrote: »

So he has a fear of driving, a fear of being in close proximity of people he doesn't know, a fear of tests, a fear of being alone in the house and a possible fear of standing up to the family member at home who won't let you visit as a guest (the last one is just a guess)?

I'm not surprised you don't use his house. The queue outside for a catch lke him must be miles long!!! :rotfl:

devilivus

^^
Disgraceful to make fun of someone with mental health issues. Can't get much lower....

balletshoes

LandyAndy wrote: »

I haven't read the thread.

Can't drive? Deal breaker if they say they won't learn.

How can anyone survive in the modern world (except maybe in London) without being able to drive?

very easily (and I'm saying that as a driver).
buses, trains, taxis, planes, even cycling.