Your partner doesn't drive, does it bother you?

justme111

Jojo, it is because one usually does not have swim for 2 hours to see their b/f- g/f. I have huge sympathy with you and your driving stress and damage history. It is great that it was not in a way in your relationship. In op's it clearly is. She is "mothering " him to enable him to save money at a cost of her having to drive for 2 hours every me they meet. He must have a lot going for him of she is prepared to overlook that he lives in a place where she can not stay for whatever reason. A man that would let the situation happen where I had to drive 2 hours every time he sees me would not be the man for me.

geerex

Anxiety?
Ditch him if he's that precious. I couldn't be doing with someone like that. Too much like hard work.

Hard_Up_Hester

My partner doesn't drive, he used to but had to give up his licence after an industrial accident.
Having to do all the driving can be inconvenient & tiring, but it wasn't a deal breaker for us.

justme111

Yeah he sounds like a catch - living in conditions unsuitable for her staying , with anxiety , without money , not driving and going on with girlfriend 's driving for two hours - what a knight ! Only female desire to have attached status cam overlook all the above listed .
Duchy , have you moved more rurally then that yoi got a car again ?

missbiggles1

PeonySugar wrote: »

Edit: to elaborate, i allowed him to get a months insurance on my car in which I would teach him as much as I could on the understanding straight after he would book some lessons so it's not another gap again, but he hasn't, due to his anxiety. He has his theory. And to clarify for certain reasons I cannot go to his house so whenever I see him which is multiple times a week, really it's a 2 hour journey from mine to his, his to mine, mine to his, his to mine every time. He just says he'll get taxis but it's expensive and he's supposed to be catching up to what I have saved for a house deposit. We both didn't drive when we met but I had my license. I then bought a car and started driving. I have anxiety so I can understand how he feels, but it's draining me and making my anxiety worse, I feel like all I do is drive drive drive.

Isn't that the problem rather than the fact he doesn't drive? Is there a reason you don't go to his house?

Can't you meet in a town between where you both live so he can use public transport to reach it?

missbiggles1

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

That's great. Wouldn't work for me in my area but in yours, that doesn't seem to have been an unwise choice at all.

I'm really speaking of those whose illogical fears actually have a big negative impact on their lives but don't work to overcome it.

I'm picking up on the 'fear of driving' in the first post and you're picking up on the 'not driving' and so we're coming at this from different angles. I don't think there's anything wrong with not driving if you don't need to.

And welll done for learning to drive later!

Thanks.

Mind you, I did have a fear of driving (as well as a fear of flying) so I don't think I deserve your kind words.:o

duchy

justme111 wrote: »

Duchy , have you moved more rurally then that yoi got a car again ?

No
I'm in the same area I lived in without car -and technically I still don't have a car but the now OH does and I am insured to drive it, He calls it our car I call it his car -doesn't really matter as everything is joint. He admits he doesn't *need* the car either but it's a luxury he likes -and as we can afford it-why not but it's not an essential and it certainly doesn't define either of us.

PeonySugar

It is a problem that we can't go to his house , but there's a very valid reason we can't unfortunately, involving a family member. Nothing that either of us have done it's a self inflicted problem this person has. He doesn't even like being at home himself. We are looking to move in together hence mentioning the house deposit, and he knows he will need to drive once we move in together. It's just the issue of getting him to drive. He would be an excellent driver once he has passed his test but he doesn't like being in close proximity with someone he doesn't know and hates tests. Maybe looking for a specialist nervous driver school could be a good idea.

I wasn't looking at this as a deal breaker, I love him very much, but working full time and then driving all evening when all I want to do is get some tea on and get a shower and get a few bits and bobs done is tiring. I suppose I just have to look at it as it's not forever...

balletshoes

PeonySugar wrote: »

It is a problem that we can't go to his house , but there's a very valid reason we can't unfortunately, involving a family member. Nothing that either of us have done it's a self inflicted problem this person has. He doesn't even like being at home himself. We are looking to move in together hence mentioning the house deposit, and he knows he will need to drive once we move in together. It's just the issue of getting him to drive. He would be an excellent driver once he has passed his test but he doesn't like being in close proximity with someone he doesn't know and hates tests. Maybe looking for a specialist nervous driver school could be a good idea.

I wasn't looking at this as a deal breaker, I love him very much, but working full time and then driving all evening when all I want to do is get some tea on and get a shower and get a few bits and bobs done is tiring. I suppose I just have to look at it as it's not forever...

from what you describe, your situation isn't just about you feeling you have to be the one to do the travelling as you drive/have a car and he doesn't.

Thats a fair bit of pressure to be putting on a partner - "I've got such-and-such saved up and you need to save the same, oh and at the same time I want you to spend money learning to drive and then get a car so we can carry on seeing each other until you have saved enough for us to move in together, oh and you'll need to have learned to drive before we move in together".

Add to that your partner, as you have said, clearly has social/anxiety issues - this all may take quite a long time to come to fruition, if at all.

Gloomendoom

Nervous driver school might be a good idea. I hate tests too and I was more nervous before my driving test than any of my O and A levels.

Good luck.