Your partner doesn't drive, does it bother you?

Lily-Rose_3

dirty_magic wrote: »

I think it is something that depends on where you live and work. We actually do have fairly good transport links, but my OH works shifts and physically couldn't get to work using public transport because he has to be in at 6am. Even if he could the quickest route is 2 buses and 2 trains and would take 2 hours to do 13 miles.

It would take me just under an hour to do under 5 miles because the bus is so indirect. The public transport systems outside of London really do need work, the buses around here take so long because they do such bizarre routes!

We wouldn't want to live near where either of us work because they're not nice areas. I'd rather drive and live somewhere we actually like than be restricted to where we can get to work quickly.

Pretty much what I (and several others) have been saying. Most places I have lived, have taken on average 1 to 1.5 hours on the bus to work from my house, even when the distance is only 4 to 10 miles.; yet they took just 10-12 minutes to drive. And it never ever ever took longer than 15-20 minutes, even in the busiest of busy rush hours, despite some people going on about hours and hours of traffic queues.

Maybe this might happen on main motorways, but not that often. And also, not many people travel to work on motorways, compared to people that travel to work on A roads and B roads. For the majority of people, driving to work would be much quicker than taking public transport.

And like you, neither me nor my husband would be prepared to downgrade where we live (which is a beautiful semi rural area near the countryside,) just so we can be near public amenities like shops, and regular public transport. In many towns, the areas with more amenities are usually a bit grotty. We moved where we live now 2-3 years ago, and have wanted to live somewhere like this all our lives; I am darned sure that we wouldn't move somewhere grotty and sub standard just to be near the shopping centre and so we could get a bus easier.

As I said earlier I do think that these days, having a car is essential for most, and it's nothing to do with laziness, it's more about peoples busy lifestyles, and the fact you can get places so much quicker with a car.

And I reiterate, I don't understand why people would not want to at least learn to drive. Even if they don't have a car yet.

dirty_magic

As I said earlier I do think that these days, having a car is essential for most, and it's nothing to do with laziness, it's more about peoples busy lifestyles, and the fact you can get places so much quicker with a car.

And I reiterate, I don't understand why people would not want to at least learn to drive. Even if they don't have a car yet.

I don't understand it either. I took my first driving lesson on my 17th birthday; I couldn't wait to learn. It gives you so much more freedom and spontaneity to just get up and decide where to go. Long distance rail travel is difficult at last minute because it's so expensive, and you don't always know you're going somewhere 3 months before. Even everyday things like food shopping are a pain without a car. I'd be lost without mine!

I don't think we'd save much if we could give up our cars tbh. Cars are expensive if you don't really need them, but a monthly rail and bus pass is £86 where we live and we go away a lot to visit family and friends. If we factored in the cost of long distance rail travel it would probably be a lot more expensive if neither of us could drive.

coolcait

In a (probably vain) attempt to redress the balance against some of the sweeping generalisations pervading the thread, some observations:


- "close to public transport links and local amenities" is not necessarily synonymous with "grotty";


- not everyone wants to live in a rural or semi-rural location, just as not everyone wants to live in an urban or suburban location;


- it isn't always quicker by car - especially once you factor in finding a parking space at the other end;


- traffic jams can happen anywhere - all it takes is some roadworks, or an accident, or a couple of popular schools in the vicinity (other reasons are available). During my days as a city dweller, in more than one city, in more than one country, there were certainly numerous occasions where I got off a bus stuck in a city traffic jam, started walking, and got to my destination before the bus did. Car drivers remained stuck in the traffic jam;


- in terms of 'life skills' and career progression, speaking more than one language has been far more beneficial to me than being able to drive. That said, being able to cook from scratch trumps them both as a life skill (though has not yet affected career progression);


- not wanting to drive, or being unable to drive, doesn't necessarily denote a lack of ambition. It may simply denote different priorities;


- learning to drive is a significant investment in terms of both time and money. It's down to each individual to decide when they want to make that investment;


- as with any other type of learning - and many other decisions to do something - it works best when the individual is doing it because he or she wants to do it, not because their parent, partner, friends, or random names on the internet think that it ought to be done.

stmartinsdiver

During a 10 year period I drove a total of over 100,000 miles doing return trips so we could spend all our weekends together - she was worth it and I didn't mind a bit - for me it was like going on holiday every week.
Do you really need to consider whether you're prepared to drive for 30 minutes to be with someone you care for? A lot of fuss about nothing - unless your just being taken for granted which only you can know.

leeparsons

Well I dont drive, and when i was in a long term relationship, I would commute quite regularly, via bus, to see my ex (about 9 miles). I have also commute to meet other people, of allot further distances as well.
If you want things to work, your go that extra mile!

purpleweasel

PeonySugar wrote: »

It is a problem that we can't go to his house , but there's a very valid reason we can't unfortunately, involving a family member. Nothing that either of us have done it's a self inflicted problem this person has. He doesn't even like being at home himself. We are looking to move in together hence mentioning the house deposit, and he knows he will need to drive once we move in together. It's just the issue of getting him to drive. He would be an excellent driver once he has passed his test but he doesn't like being in close proximity with someone he doesn't know and hates tests. Maybe looking for a specialist nervous driver school could be a good idea.

I wasn't looking at this as a deal breaker, I love him very much, but working full time and then driving all evening when all I want to do is get some tea on and get a shower and get a few bits and bobs done is tiring. I suppose I just have to look at it as it's not forever...

How far is a 30 min drive in miles? Is it too far to cycle? Is it too far to cycle on an electric bike? Not much fun in winter but if you got a cycle rack (or he got a foldable bike) at least he could meet you 1/2 way!

PS if i drove to work instead of going on my bike it would take much longer as a car can't go down the short cuts cyclists/pedestrians can!

happyinflorida

Simple answer -

do you want to continue driving for 2 hours to see this person - yes or no?

Personally I'd say as this is stressing you out, finish the relationship as it's not going anywhere.

FredG

I've never had to drive due to living in areas good transport links and never having a job role that demanded it. I've always had enough spare cash to not worry about grabbing a taxi should it be needed, hell I've even held a role as a national trainer for 4 years without needing to drive. Made it to Cornwall and Tyneside over two seperate days no trouble.


Despite us living in the city centre my GF has been pressuring me to learn for quite some time as it's the societal norm. We barely drive anywhere and if we go further afield we often get the train as it's far less stressful and cost effective.


I am from a family where there was not a lot of spare cash, my parents went without so that at 16/17 I had the choice of a runaround car or a computer for college. I chose the computer and being as I now work in IT it was a wise choice.


Recently, I've been looked at for a role at work that would be quite a big career move up for me. The job role requires a driving license...so I've just requested my provisional.


Sometimes, it's not laziness, nerves or reliance. Everyone's different.

DKLS

Yes it would bother me, and I would add it to my list of NO-NOs, such as kids, Psycho ex's, Gingerness and lack of ambition.

leeparsons

DKLS wrote: »

Yes it would bother me, and I would add it to my list of NO-NOs, such as kids, Psycho ex's, Gingerness and lack of ambition.

I am sorry to say this, but your comment is offensive!

What a shallow person you are. Perhaps there is a reason they dont drive, like medical conditions. That has nothing to do with drive or ambition. You sound like a gold digger chav! I hope guys realize what you really are!