Your partner doesn't drive, does it bother you?

sheramber

If taxis are out because he has to save money how will he fund driving lessons- which don't come cheap- buying a car, insuring it and running it.
After all, unless he has a car he won't be able to drive to your house.

Or you could move house to somewhere he can reach easily.

fierystormcloud

I didn't learn to drive until I was in my mid 20s, (I am in my mid 30s now,) and not being able to drive was OK to start with, as I lived in a place where my job was 8-10 minutes bike ride, or half an hour on the bus, and also the pubs and shops (main shopping centre) were 20-30 minutes walk, and some of my family lived closeby...(or were 10-15 minutes on the bus.)

It was a bit of an average area though and it went downhill over several years, with previously owned houses being bought up as buy-to-let, and transient and 'not always good' private let tenants coming and going.

So we moved to an area that was lovely, but was not so great for public transport. It took 75 minutes for me to get to work on the bus (I had to change once in town.) Also, my husband always had to drive. Everywhere. Like, he even had to take me to any friend or family member's house if I wanted to visit them if they weren't on a bus route or were particularly hard to get to. He never complained but I felt awful.

So when I was 24, I decided I wanted to learn to drive. It took three dozen lessons and 3 tests and I passed at 25. It was one of the best decisions I ever made.

The place I worked at closed down not long after, and I started applying for other jobs. I was shortlisted for one, and it was between me and 2 others in the end. I got the job. Some weeks later, I was told by my new boss that all 3 of us were much of a muchness and that they could barely choose between us, but the thing that swung it for me was that I could drive.

I think someone who can't drive and refuses to learn, comes across as unambitious to some people. I don't know personally one single person in middle or upper management or any professional job who can't drive. Maybe this is why some people look down a bit on people who can't drive, and even regard them as under achievers. (I am not saying that I do, but this is what some people who are non-drivers have said; that this is how some people make them feel.) It's like some people look down on people if they rent and don't own a property. (I don't look down on renters by the way...)

Many companies may not say as much when advertising a job (though some will,) but I think they will take someone with a full clean driving licence over someone who has not bothered to learn to drive.

What's more, as many people have stated, it's not fair on others to have to run you around all the time, it drastically reduces independence, and yes it will have an impact on future employment.

It is definitely a good idea to learn even if you don't drive for years; once you have passed, you have passed; it never gets taken away. You can always have a refresher course in driving lessons. You will find it much easier to pass when under 25, than when you're over 35-40. And as a few people have said, you never know when you are going to need to drive. Just learn; so you are not so dependant on other people if nothing else.

KxMx

I'm single, live with a parent whose never driven (also lack of means) and get a lift somewhere like once or twice a year so I don't buy the argument that because I dont drive I depend on someone else to get me round... one person does that, me!

I think I've got a lift twice so far this year, met a friend at Cinema and she was kind enough to offer me a lift home (on her way) which I gratefully accepted. Cinema refunded her parking in full and I used my Merkat Movies account so her ticket was cheaper.

Another time same friend came to mine from work, fed her dinner, paid for concert tickets (local venue) and she did the driving there and back. We split the car parking as I couldn't manage the walk from &to the cheaper car park as well as a semi standing concert (seated tickets but last time for the band everyone stood and this happened again this year)

I certainly don't recognise this picture of someone else running me round or sitting at home doing nothing all the time because I don't drive.

I will say again though it's lack of means preventing me driving nothing else.

elisebutt65

I've given up trying to drive after the 3rd fail & drove into a bus on my test . I'm dyspraxic and I really, really can't judge distances at all. I don't even like being a passenger in the front. Seeing cars coming at me makes me flinch. Lol.

I have 2 different workplaces to go to and I get to one on the bus and the other by train. OH loves driving: brand new company car (Seat Leon FR) and sometimes goes out just to have a drive around.

The only time I really needed him to run me around was to take me up to Walsgrave hospital for Radiotherapy as its a bit of a trek on the bus.

When I was at home, a little village in Herefordshire, there were always buses for work/school so if I need to visit my parents without oh then I can get bus/train/bus.
I've never needed to drive for work and there's always been great public transport, apart from a brief nightmare in Exeter, when I had to get 2 buses to get ds to school and another one to work.

I love my bus journeys to and from work, I usually read or catch some z's. It's the perfect time just to switch off and chill.

easilydistracted

My ex partner didn't drive, absolutely refused to learn, or to discuss why. I didn't drive either when we met but learnt to. His attitude and expectation on me always driving was the issue rather than the not driving, although that was inconvenient too.

If the ex had admitted it was anxiety I would have been a lot more sympathetic. I actually took years on and off to pass myself due to a specific anxiety about driving, it was really frustrating. I only persevered because it's essential for my job.

My current partner didn't drive when I met him but he was happy to learn and it reflects his open attitude to new things. He wasn't so impressed when I bought him the lessons as a surprise birthday present though, I think he needed to prepare in his own time and didn't like the pressure. He's much more laid back then me!

From looking at your post I feel a bit sorry for him to be honest. He sounds like he's living with an awful family member and has lots of difficulties at the moment and is stressed about learning to drive. Then he suggests the sensible solution of him paying for a taxi to yours so the load is shared, particularly when you are clearly annoyed about it. Yet that's not within your plan either. There are obvious solutions: rent together and chill out about buying or agree for him to get a cab. This seems a bit of a communication issue and you're not going to get to the mortgage if you split up arguing about little things. Can he not get a cab to yours and stay over? If you're only able to go out on local dates it seems that there a lots of leaps towards owning a home together. Try and relax and enjoy the relationship as it is.

Ronaldo_Mconaldo

The funniest response on here is from people too scared to drive. I bet those people have never been too scared for someone else to drive them round though. You just have to have the self belief that your inner murderous rage won't turn you into some kind of killing machine and get on with driving like rest of us.

I see people at the bus stop in the morning, in the pouring rain or see them all crammed onto a bus, windows all steamed up breathing in all the air from the sweaty germ-incubator on wheels and am so glad I drive.

CathA

When my 3 girls were 17, I told them all I would give them a small birthday present plus give them £200 for driving lessons, as I think that it is such an important skill. One of the girls asked if they could have the £200 but not have driving lessons with it, as they didn't fancy driving!! Funnily enough, the answer was no, and I told them all they would get £200 of BOOKED lessons, not given the money to book them themselves. I'm no idiot!!

Anyway, several years down the line, all of them drive, whiz about all over the country to jobs, uni, boyfriends etc. I also think that being able to swim is a vital life skill, they are all such good swimmers that 2 of them are life guards/instructors. Riding a bike and a horse is also up there with things I taught them,so wherever they are they can always get to where they want to go, as long as there's a handy horse/bike/car about!

Peter333

CathA wrote: »

When my 3 girls were 17, I told them all I would give them a small birthday present plus give them £200 for driving lessons, as I think that it is such an important skill. One of the girls asked if they could have the £200 but not have driving lessons with it, as they didn't fancy driving!! Funnily enough, the answer was no, and I told them all they would get £200 of BOOKED lessons, not given the money to book them themselves. I'm no idiot!!

Anyway, several years down the line, all of them drive, whiz about all over the country to jobs, uni, boyfriends etc. I also think that being able to swim is a vital life skill, they are all such good swimmers that 2 of them are life guards/instructors. Riding a bike and a horse is also up there with things I taught them,so wherever they are they can always get to where they want to go, as long as there's a handy horse/bike/car about!

Or a handy river!

Ronaldo_Mconaldo wrote: »

The funniest response on here is from people too scared to drive. I bet those people have never been too scared for someone else to drive them round though. You just have to have the self belief that your inner murderous rage won't turn you into some kind of killing machine and get on with driving like rest of us.

I see people at the bus stop in the morning, in the pouring rain or see them all crammed onto a bus, windows all steamed up breathing in all the air from the sweaty germ-incubator on wheels and am so glad I drive.

I feel the same. I have had to get buses before on the occasions I haven't had a car. I mean, I learned to drive at 17, but never had a car of my own til I was 20, and I had to bus it or cycle or walk everywhere. (Getting buses is such a bind, and often takes so much longer than driving. I HATE getting buses, and frankly would often rather cycle than get a bus!) Having a car is so much better than using public transport in so many cases. And as I said earlier, I find it very sad that you are restricted in where you live and restricted in what job you have if you cannot drive. Why anyone would not want to learn just baffles me,

You also make a good point about how people are 'afraid' to drive, will quite happily let other people do it.

I remember one woman I worked with some years ago (late 90s/early 2000s) who had a 'toy boy;' she was 41/42 and he was in his mid 20s. He 'couldn't drive' and she used to drive them everywhere. She drove him to work, and picked him up again, (he worked half eight to quarter past five, and she still had to get to work and back herself, (she worked nine to five) and she always rushed off as he would apparently kick off if she was a second late.

She drove him to concerts, to the pub and back so he could have a night with his mates once or twice a week, when they went out together she drove and couldn't drink, and every trip they went on, to see family or on day trips or whatever, SHE drove.

They split after five years, and she discovered not long after when he was with his new girlfriend (who was only about 20,) that he COULD drive after all, and had passed his test at 18! His mother (who she didn't see that often during the relationship with this man,) said to this woman 'I thought you knew... Steve passed about 10 years ago, but isn't too keen on driving, and he said you prefer to drive...'

So he had gone FIVE YEARS with this woman, making her drive everywhere and making HER drive HIM everywhere, when he could drive all along.

What a selfish individual!

And I agree with CathA that swimming is also an essential life skill, and yet a shocking amount of people can't do it.

pinpin

government should makes lessons and tests free. I'd just take a test everyday and i'd be bound to pass at some point!

Peter333

pinpin wrote: »

government should makes lessons and tests free. I'd just take a test everyday and i'd be bound to pass at some point!

I could not agree more.

In fact, I have said often that learning to drive should be taught at school. They quite happily teach them pointless stuff like how to paint nails and make clay pots and how to bake cookies, but don't teach them an essential life skill like driving!