Your partner doesn't drive, does it bother you?

duchy

Piggywiggy wrote: »

Someone could be the perfect partner for me but if they can't drive it's a big no no. Me and my OH share driving between us I wouldn't want to drive all of the time it's not fair.

These sort of posts worry me a bit....... Do you bin the perfect husband or wife if they are injured or become ill so are no longer capable of driving ?


It's one skill- I love the fact my OH can cook -if he didn't (although I'd prefer he did) it wouldn't be a deal breaker- for me driving is the same. I tend to equate demanding a partner can drive with teenagers who only date a boy or girl because they have a car. It's a useful skill but nothing more.

pollypenny

Quizzical_Squirrel wrote: »

If I got into my car right now, I could be in New York City in about an hour, door to door.

But in the same breath, I'd also have to drive for a good 15 minutes in any direction to even lay eyes upon public transport! It's just not feasible. You non-drivers would be up a creek round here!

Ditto, from where I am now at DS's place in New Jersey.

However, there is virtually no public transport. If I want to go into Princeton I'd have to drive to the next village for a bus. The big shops are all out of town in a mall, so I'd have to take another bus.

Much easier to drive.

duchy

Yet it's not true of all of NJ
I spent a few days in NJ and used the bus into Manhattan (in the snow ) on several days- it was a great service running from early morning til well past midnight.


(I'm not really sure what US driving has to do with the topic though and I'm sure Peter has seen Joisey Shore so is convinced you are surrounded by Chavs !!! Hope you are having a lovely visit though)

Fireflyaway

My partner doesn't drive ( he does have a licence from outside the UK but can't use it here) and we have been together 12 years.

It doesn't bother me as I like driving and he catches the train to work so its never been a problem.

fairy_lights

I don't drive and it doesn't really affect my relationship negatively, my OH loves driving so even if I could drive he would probably still do the lion's share. As it is he drives and I unwrap the travel sweets and tune the radio and that works for us

maman

duchy wrote: »

These sort of posts worry me a bit....... Do you bin the perfect husband or wife if they are injured or become ill so are no longer capable of driving ?


It's a useful skill but nothing more.

I'm sure posters are talking in general terms and of course it's different if a partner has a disability.

I actually think it is not as simple as merely a life skill. It's posts like these I've quoted that flag up a lack of independence. Of course I may be reading too much into individual posts but I know such circumstances exist.

fairy_lights wrote: »

I don't drive and it doesn't really affect my relationship negatively, my OH loves driving so even if I could drive he would probably still do the lion's share. As it is he drives and I unwrap the travel sweets and tune the radio and that works for us

That works for me too when I'm with my DH but what happens when you go out with friends or to visit family without him?

Judi wrote: »

As a non driver i would never ask my husband to take me anywhere. He is not my chauffeur and i dont treat him like one. If he offers then fair enough, if he doesnt than thats up to him.

However, he does take me to hospital appointments and stuff like that. Mainly because he can usually get time off work and he moans when i ask him for money for bus fare.

Obviously I don't know your financial circumstances Judi (maybe you're the biggest spendthrift in the world:rotfl:) but, on the face of it, that sort of dependence disturbs me.

indiepanda

My sister has been with her husband for about twenty years. She's too scared to learn to drive so he ends up doing all the driving, which I have to admit I think is unfair of her - they holiday in the UK in the camper van so they notch up quite a bit of mileage. He sometimes gets a bad back too and I've wondered how they'd get home if he put it out while they were away. But I've never heard him complain about it, so frankly it's none of my business and I've not told her my opinion.

Most of the women in my family seem to be at best timid drivers or non drivers and their husbands don't seem bothered. I don't think my Dad would have ever wanted Mum to drive - that sounds bad, but she suffers from anxiety based depression and her medication would make it dangerous, although even in between bouts I don't think she'd ever have had the confidence to make it as a driver - the depression has knocked her confidence in most directions. It took my Dad years of me driving to be willing to let me drive him anywhere, but he got there in the end.

I learned to drive when I was at work and could get a company car and love the freedom it gives me - I hated taking lifts from friends without being able to return the favour and lugging a heavy supermarket shop home without a car was a nightmare (this was pre Ocado). Even having moved to London I still run a car, albeit a modest one (Fiesta - which I love as it's easier to park than the Focus I used to own). My current boyfriend doesn't drive and he now lives over 100 miles away which is kind of a pain, but he uses public transport to visit me sometimes and I drive to him others.

It does mean I do all the driving on our day trips but to be honest I don't mind. At least he takes responsibility for map reading (he finds sat navs irritating and likes maps) and changing the CD and stays awake to keep me company - we usually play a game of "beat the intro" listening to compilation CDs.

My ex used to doze off when I was driving back from days out which the current boyfriend would consider to be extremely rude. He learned to drive in the end which I did appreciate, although having to take him out to practice in my car before he passed wasn't an experience I'd want to repeat... He would only take instruction from his instructor - was quite frustrating that he would ignore my advice until the instructor repeated it! Anyway, it wasn't driving issues that split us up.

In the grand scheme of things, I am not convinced someone not driving is a good reason to end a relationship. Everyone has flaws and I can think of a lot of things that are a lot worse than not owning a car.

I can't quite see how this chap is meant to save up a deposit to get a place together and fund driving lessons and get a car at the same time - what's the most important thing?

fairy_lights

maman wrote: »

That works for me too when I'm with my DH but what happens when you go out with friends or to visit family without him?

Then I get the bus!
Not driving doesn't mean I lack independence, it just means I can't drive and if necessary use other forms of transport.

Lily-Rose_3

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Not particularly rural if you live only 4 miles from a decent sized town - that's what most people would describe as suburban with pretensions!

Of course you can still be rural even if a decent sized town is only four miles away. I live on the edge of a decent sized town, and there are many little rural villages and hamlets that are 3 to 8 miles away from a town. So you suggest they are not rural because they have a town within 15 minutes drive? They are small parishes near farmlands and have no public transport or shops and are down country lanes. To say you cannot be rural if you live 4 miles from a town is not true.

Staffordshire and Shropshire and Cheshire and Gloucestershire and Herefordshire and Worcestershire (to name but a few) have some small villages and hamlets that are only 15 minutes drive to a town; but they are still rural villages. I think you are confusing rural with 'remote.' The poster in question said he was rural, which he is. He did not say 'remote,' which is what I think you are thinking of.

As for the rural living vs town living: I think on the whole, that older people (50 plus) probably enjoy it more, and younger people find it boring. We live in a small town that is not far from woodlands and the countryside, and I do like it. Although, I am actually jealous of someone who lives in a tiny quiet low population village with a lovely Church and no crime... I would LOVE to live somewhere like that. But my daughter (19) would HATE to live in a village like that! She loves living in a big city! In fact at 19, I wanted to live in a big city and did move to one at 21!... I lived in a small town at the time. Although I prefer a quieter location now!

maman wrote: »

I'm sure posters are talking in general terms and of course it's different if a partner has a disability.

I actually think it is not as simple as merely a life skill. It's posts like these I've quoted that flag up a lack of independence. Of course I may be reading too much into individual posts but I know such circumstances exist.

Obviously I don't know your financial circumstances Judi (maybe you're the biggest spendthrift in the world:rotfl:) but, on the face of it, that sort of dependence disturbs me.

I agree that being able to drive is important. My 19 year old daughter cannot drive and she wants to, but cannot afford to learn yet. We won't pay for lessons because as much as I love her, she has this habit of starting things and not finishing them. We paid for 7 driving lessons over 7 weeks for her 1.5 years ago, costing almost £200, and she stopped them because she was ill for a week, and never took them back up. So we said to her, if she wants them again, she must pay herself, and we will reimburse her in full, what she has paid. (when she passes...)

Anyway, I digress: she cannot drive and sees one friend after another passing, and it's really bugging her that she can't drive. She is sick of being dependant on us, (when she is home from university,) and her friends and her boyfriend. She finds it humiliating. Also, many jobs she looks at seem to require driving.

She says she feels like a little child having to be driven around. She is fine in the city where her university is because her university is 10 mins walk away from her house, the bus goes from outside her house to town, (where all the shops and clubs and so on are,) and she never needs a lift anywhere. She said she has to learn how to drive because she doesn't want to base where she lives on how good bad or indifferent the public transport is. As someone said earlier, you are limiting where you can live if you do that. And also, as has been said, many employers require the skill of driving.

I also struggle to understand why someone wouldn't want to learn. But each to their own.

Judi wrote: »

As a non driver i would never ask my husband to take me anywhere. He is not my chauffeur and i dont treat him like one. If he offers then fair enough, if he doesnt than thats up to him.

However, he does take me to hospital appointments and stuff like that. Mainly because he can usually get time off work and he moans when i ask him for money for bus fare.

I am also a bit worried about your post Judi. Maybe you're happy (and I am sure you are, and I hope you are...) but this sounds a bit weird. You have to ASK your husband for the bus fare??? And he moans??? :eek:

KARO

LandyAndy wrote: »

Can't drive? Deal breaker if they say they won't learn.

How can anyone survive in the modern world (except maybe in London) without being able to drive?

Very easily. I've never driven, and doubt I ever will. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere it's not necessary.