Your partner doesn't drive, does it bother you?

Lily-Rose_3

KARO wrote: »

Very easily. I've never driven, and doubt I ever will. Unless you live in the middle of nowhere it's not necessary.

I disagree.

In many places, it is quite hard to function without being able to drive. Even if you live in a town or city. Yes you can get around the town or city on the bus, but other than that you are restricted. And you become quite dependant on others, whether you realise it or not. Whenever you go anywhere with family or friends or your partner, it's always someone else who has to drive:- not you. It's very unfair.

As has been highlighted earlier in the thread, you can often get places so much quicker in a car than you can by bus... And as many have said, many employers require it as a skill.

If someone cannot drive and refuses to learn, then they should not expect their partner to drive them anywhere - ever. I wouldn't if my partner refused to drive.

I have known several people with partners who don't drive, but expect to be driven around, and it's a massive bugbear and grates on them something awful, and puts a big strain on the relationship.

I remember a thread on here from a while back where the OP was sick of being the driver.

https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4951601

I wouldn't like it - not indefinitely - and I think someone refusing to drive and expecting their partner to always do it, has no respect for their partner.

Lily-Rose_3

Judi wrote: »

He moans cause it means going to the cash point after work. We have separate bank accounts you see and mines got no money in as I don't have a job.

I go to his hospital appointments too.

Well now I'm even more worried. Does he not class the money he earns as joint money?

This 'your money, my money' attitude that some have is not conducive to a good relationship in my opinion.

Are you OK with the situation?

(Sorry, I am being nosey. You don't have to answer... it just seems a bit controlling and one sided if you're having to ask for money for the bus!)

coolcait

I agree that some people who drive everywhere don't grasp the idea that it is possible to live an independent life without having access to a car.


My home-office commute is 24 minutes. That includes the walk to the station, time on the train, and walk from station to office.


On a few occasions, colleagues have offered me a lift to the office, because they are going to be passing near my home on the way to work.


Those journeys tend to take longer. Google maps has just told me that it's a 9 minute journey from the place I usually get picked up to the office. That's how long it would take right now, and without traffic.


We rarely encounter those conditions in the morning.


Once we get to the office, it can easily take 10 minutes - sometimes 15 minutes or more - to find a parking space. This seems to be a stressful period for the driver.


The parking spot is often further away than the train station, so it's a longer walk to the office.


All in - and not counting my getting to the pick-up spot five minutes earlier than agreed, so that I don't keep them waiting - it can be 30 or 40 minutes door to door.


All of those drivers are convinced that my usual commute makes me a poor wee soul, who really needs to get a car...

Torry_Quine

maman wrote: »

That works for me too when I'm with my DH but what happens when you go out with friends or to visit family without him?



.

I'm not often out without him. without me asking he gives me a lift and when I thank him always says that he wouldn't see me getting the bus! I don't expect lifts but have a couple of good friends who will give me a lift to things like church and have told me that they enjoy doing it.

lostinrates

To return to the driving issue.....

My DH did not drive when we met, for various reasons, but the main one being he had not needed to since he reached adult hood, always living in cities and quite internationally, car ownership would have been a bit of a liability rather than liberation.

His family only had one adult driver as one parent was legally blind, and they lived part of the time remotely and part of the time in the city.

Now we both drive, but have only one car, and have never planned to have two cars, just to share the driving load. But a few years ago it looked that I was going to have to surrender my driving licence sooner rather than later.

Its funny how reliant we get on cars, When really, a health problem can remove our access to them very quickly. .


In OP's case. Yes, it would bother me. As part of the whole picture. Generally, the circumstance that lead to the inconvenience of only one driving would not ( money, health, one car).

Piggywiggy

duchy wrote: »

These sort of posts worry me a bit....... Do you bin the perfect husband or wife if they are injured or become ill so are no longer capable of driving ?


It's one skill- I love the fact my OH can cook -if he didn't (although I'd prefer he did) it wouldn't be a deal breaker- for me driving is the same. I tend to equate demanding a partner can drive with teenagers who only date a boy or girl because they have a car. It's a useful skill but nothing more.

Obviously if I was already with someone who became disabled that would be a different story, however if I was looking to date someone but they couldn't drive I wouldn't bother and as I would be very unlikely to date someone who wasn'to a country type they'd probably need a car anyway.

If you live in the city I have no doubt you can live without a car I however live right in the middle of nowhere, just how I like it and a car is absolutely necessary.

lostinrates

Piggywiggy wrote: »

Obviously if I was already with someone who became disabled that would be a different story, however if I was looking to date someone but they couldn't drive I wouldn't bother and as I would be very unlikely to date someone who wasn'to a country type they'd probably need a car anyway.

If you live in the city I have no doubt you can live without a car I however live right in the middle of nowhere, just how I like it and a car is absolutely necessary.

You'd be surprised. An acquaintance of mine has just met a chap who cycles from not the nearest city to here ( in the country side but not deeply rural). I don't know where in that city he lives, or exact miles, but it takes me about an hour and twenty minutes to drive there. My husband uses the train to get to work ( he weekly commutes) and in the past when we were more rural he would get the train to his uni for post grad course, or, I would do pre work run up there and then back. One car, not a car each. He got his DL near the end of that year.

Spirit_2

duchy wrote: »

These sort of posts worry me a bit....... Do you bin the perfect husband or wife if they are injured or become ill so are no longer capable of driving ?


It's one skill- I love the fact my OH can cook -if he didn't (although I'd prefer he did) it wouldn't be a deal breaker- for me driving is the same. I tend to equate demanding a partner can drive with teenagers who only date a boy or girl because they have a car. It's a useful skill but nothing more.

MY licence is suspended following a stroke last year. My husband of 31 years has taken time off work to take me to the myriad of appointments I now havee.We live in a village 3 miles from the nearest shop/dr etc, and there is no public transport.

my daughter and neighbours also offer transport for haidressing appts and sundry shopping. My friends come to visit or come over pick me up and we go out to lubnch or back to their homes. Delivering me back at the end of the day.

I would do the same if the tables were turned.

If you care about someone and you are treated respectfully in regard to providing transport I do not see it as a prolem. If you are taken for granted it would be galling. Other importantt life skills I lack are that I do not speak a second language, Play a musical instrument, I am rubbish at sports . I cant be the only person with a deficit in accomplishments. I am not sure why driving is a life skill of the prime order that would over-ride a loved ones other attributes

maman

Piggywiggy wrote: »

Obviously if I was already with someone who became disabled that would be a different story.....

Spirit wrote: »

MY licence is suspended following a stroke last year.
I would do the same if the tables were turned.

It just occurred to me that if the tables were turned those who don't see driving as important wouldn't be able to reciprocate.


I'm not saying it's the be all and end all. My DH couldn't drive when I met him as he's always ridden a motor cycle but he started learning ASAP. Maybe he didn't like me driving him around!:D I think what I'm saying is I couldn't imagine not being able to drive myself. I would find it restrictive and time consuming if I didn't have that option and my choice of employment would have been very restricted so it's not for me.

pinpin

I'd drive if I could but I'm unable to pass the test.

Maybe some other people simply can't pass it either, so they can't really be blamed as such for not having a licence.

Even though i'm happy walking (I used to often walk for 3 hrs per day to get to college and back!) I have lots of people who insist on giving me lifts which is nice, although probably does make me looks like a parasite in the minds of others who see me getting dropped off by a friend or a relative without understanding that I make it quite clear that i'm happy to walk or get a bus but people insist that they'll give me a ride.