Your partner doesn't drive, does it bother you?

tibawo

I did not pass my test till about 30. I just factored public transport in and learnt to live with it. I love summer holidays now and being able to relax, and play cards, talk with girls on our days out via train. It is a skill and took my five attempts due to nerves.

Mum does not drive. Never asks dad or brother for lifts but to sister and me just assumes. I mean this in a loving way as she does so much for me but it tickles us when she says 'I could just do with a lift or dropping 'x' off.' More so it is always on those days when you get home early and think of a million on one things jobs you can get out of the way!

pinpin

DKLS wrote: »

I would add it to my list of NO-NOs, such as lack of ambition.

Are you a guy or a girl?
Not to go off track but i'm just curious.

I've heard of girls be put off of guys due to a 'lack of ambition', but never the other way around (guys being put off of a girl for that reason)

Just one of those things. Venus Vs Mars etc.

I'm a guy and I couldn't care less if a hot girl who has a nice/fun personality has a lack of ambition! lol

jaylee3

DKLS wrote: »

Yes it would bother me, and I would add it to my list of NO-NOs, such as kids, Psycho ex's, Gingerness and lack of ambition.

Is this a serious post?

Flybaby

For what it's worth - I would advise looking further down the line in a relationship if one half does not drive.


Both me and hubby have bike licences and I have a car and car license too. When we got together it was never really discussed and I just assumed that he would learn to drive and pootle about in my car as and when. He uses his bike for work and we are both bikers, but when I realised that he absolutely stubbornly and completely had no intention of ever learning to drive I was crest fallen. He thought it was fine and said "no-one minds giving me lifts etc" - I replied with " yeah we do mind, when it is just expected and assumed and you offer no money for petrol or vehicle upkeep at all" I love him to bits and I have accepted that this is our situation, but having pointed it out to him, he now says thank you whenever I get back with the food shopping or the DIY shopping, or collects a parcel from the post office for him or runs him to the garage to get a spare tyre for his bike and has started offering his mates few quid everytime he uses their services and now pays the fuel whenever we visit his family. He also is no longer allowed to buy ebay things that are "collection only" and expect me to collect them for him. He also has to do his fair share of planning and shopping for food and it is up to him how he does it - either by bus, on the bike or online. HAving discussed it openly has helped us loads with the issue, but it does put the kybosh on considering children as I would not want to be solely responsible for ferrying them around and he knows this and he is the one who wants kids. He is now very good about it and does understand that his decision not to drive does impact others and is very careful to show his appreciation and contribute to fuel costs and no longer just expects me to drive - but it has taken us a while to get to this point...............so a word of warning to anyone considering a relationship of any kind with a less transport capable partner.........it can get very trying on the transporter if the transportee does not appreciate the impact their decision has on those around them.

ClaireC87

I would certainly drive a 1hr trip to see my partner.


I live at opposite ends of London to mine and live him every other week. It takes me an hour to drive up there from my house each weekend. Sometimes I only go up for a couple of days but its well worth it to send time with them. He doesn't have a license so wherever we go I have to drive.

System

jaylee3 wrote: »

Is this a serious post?

I was thinking much the same. If you love someone you make allowances for their shortcomings.

ButterflyLC

When my husband and I first starting going out, I drove and he didn't. However he lived on an army barracks an hour away. He had to get a bus, 2 trains and walk for half an hour to get to my house, or if we would meet in the city he could eliminate the walk. But this was always quicker than a 2 hour round trip for me in a car. It didn't bother him to do it, as that's what had to be done to see each other. It didn't even cross our minds that this was an inconvenience. He only learned to drive when he knew he was going to be leaving the army and many jobs require a licence.

Shelly_C

My partner and I were introduced by a friend, he drives and I don't. He lived 200 miles away and used to drive 3-4 hours to see me every fortnight or every week and stay for the weekend. Occasionally I would get the train or coach to see him (over 5 hours on the coach) and stay with him for the weekend. Eventually he decided to move house to be with me and has now been here for 10 years. He still drives and I don't, although I am happy to get public transport wherever i need to go he is more than happy to do the driving whenever I need a lift or we go out somewhere.

I guess the point is - how committed are you to the relationship? If everyone is happy then what's the problem?

HanSpan

My position is that I passed my test at about 18 and then increasingly lost my nerve to the point I haven't driven for over 20 years (I am now nearly 50). I think the level of my anxiety now would make me dangerous to other road users, plus which the sheer thought of driving fills me with terror.

Those of you saying other people's fear of driving is daft or amusing - would you really want me on the road with you or your children or loved ones about? I wouldn't and I think it would be irresponsible of me to drive.

In terms of the OP I did look into a place called RideDrive that offers help to those who have lost their nerve or are too anxious in the first place to drive. I never actually went through with it but if I were determined to drive I would definitely consider it: http://www.driving-phobia.co.uk/

However - as with anything that is an issue becuase of serious anxiety it would only be of use if he really wants to drive, and feels he may be able to overcome the anxiety. If he doesn't then you really need to rethink your plans in order to accomodate the fact he cannot (not will not) drive. Yes it may have some limitations on where you can live or work, but so can lots of other things and all relationships involve compromise. If you cannot overcome this so early on how might you fare later on if more serious issues arise? and if you both suffer with anxiety then they almost certainly will.

You just need to openly discuss what you each are willing to compromise, as well as what you can and cannot do, but all with honesty and no pressure for the other person to make promises they cannot guarantee they will be able to keep. If you can't do that then I suspect who drives will not be the most problematical issue for you for long

maman

pinpin wrote: »

Are you a guy or a girl?
Not to go off track but i'm just curious.

I've heard of girls be put off of guys due to a 'lack of ambition', but never the other way around (guys being put off of a girl for that reason)

Just one of those things. Venus Vs Mars etc.

I'm a guy and I couldn't care less if a hot girl who has a nice/fun personality has a lack of ambition! lol

With my ex I would definitely put lack of ambition on the list of why we're no longer together. BUT, even more of a deal breaker was that he was unsupportive, resentful even, of my own ambition. Because he had no ambition himself he couldn't understand why I was prepared to do unpaid overtime, study for further qualifications in my own time and at own expense etc. etc.