Saying no to people

David301

My wife and I have had this discussion on and off for a few years but am interested in what other people think.

When somebody asks you to do something, which you do not want to do, so your answer is no, why is the response from the original person "why not?"

A recent example of this was she was asked, "can you do freds shift at work on friday?" She said "no" and the immediate response was "why not?"

Also rather than saying to someone "because I don't want to" which should be enough of a reason, feeling as though you need to have a valid reason to not do something that you don't want to do!

Thoughts and best excuses please

:rotfl:

pinkshoes

I would just say that I already have plans, or reply to the why not with 'why?'.

It depends on who is asking and whether I will get any benefits from the favour!

Guest101

Can you do Fred's shift on friday
No
Why not?

1: I dont want to
2: I have other plans
3: The thought of spending Friday night at this place may be enough to push me over the edge
4: I'm selling drugs, making bombs and executing elaborate assassinations that evening, next tuesday is fine though.
5: It's the night i meet your husband / wife for our 'workout sessions'
6: I said no, and there's no need to clarify. Ask someone else.

onomatopoeia99

No means no and no further explanation should ever be necessary.

David301

But why is it necessary to elaborate on the initial "no", why does the asker require an appropriate reason?

TBagpuss

People ask because they don't like the first answer and hope they may be able to convince you to change / negotiate a change.

I think whether you respond and how much information you give depends on who is asking, what my relationship with them is like, and how important the issue is to me.

For instance, if the reason she can't cover Fred's shift is because she is attending a funeral / leaving for a weekend break then in most situations it's probably simplest and easiest to say so.

If you don't want to because you're looking forward to some time to yourself, or because you do't much like Fred and don't feel like accommodating him it not such a good idea to be frank, then answers varying from "I'm not available" / "I already have plans" are fine.

(And it's fine to respond if someone pushes with "I don't understand why you're pushing me about my plans. I already said no"

FBaby

Maybe because her boss is trying to gage how flexible she is to allow her to decide how valuable she is as an employee. So no I can't because no one else can look after the kids is likely to be different to because I don't want to. Of course it easy to lie but the question is often instinctive.

This reminds me of asking my son to film his sister and I for a couple of minutes attempting an activity. He blatantly responded no and when asked why became I don't want to. Fine but when he asked me to wait for him later as we were on our way somewhere I told him that I wasn't going to I didn't want to! I think he got the message!

David301

Well my wife is quite a private person, and she certainly likes her me time. In the example ive given with regards to colleagues she likes to keep them at arms length from our personal life. Also in this day and age she feels too much information is freely given.

I.e. "I cant do the shift because we are going away for the weekend" next thing you know the whole of facebook knows your house is empty.

ben_m_g

Work wise, I appreciate at least a basic reason why a shift isn't covered.
Frankly I don't care what you are doing, but "no, because I don't want to" just screams non-team player.

I have had guys tell me in the past that they carn't do X,Y or Z because of family issues or that they are having people round or whatever, that's fine, but not wanting to support your boss / team because you can't be bothered is a bad sign.

Guest101

David301 wrote: »

Well my wife is quite a private person, and she certainly likes her me time. In the example ive given with regards to colleagues she likes to keep them at arms length from our personal life. Also in this day and age she feels too much information is freely given.

I.e. "I cant do the shift because we are going away for the weekend" next thing you know the whole of facebook knows your house is empty.

I agree.

There should be a clear devide between work and personal. A good manager respects that.

DS4215

Is this the boss asking you to cover a shift, or a co-worker? Just saying no to management can be seen as a negative career trait and in an environment where employers are increasingly demanding flexibility this is remembered at appraisal/pay review/redundancy time.