Did you live with your husband/wife before marriage?

BarryBlue

I honestly wouldn't consider getting married to someone I hadn't lived with for a considerable time. I lived with my first wife for about 4 years before we got married. Then my current wife and I were together for about 20 years before doing the deed.

I have to say that I don't regard marriage as anything important on a spiritual level. To us it is a way of protecting property and pensions for inheritance purposes. In truth it is a far bigger commitment to buy a property together than to go through a marriage ceremony.

VestanPance

I-W wrote: »

We lived together before getting engaged and I would highly recommend it. Of all my friends who have got married only one didn't live together before marriage and he is the only one to divorce (less than a year of marriage). IMHO you don't truly know someone until you have lived with them and seen them at their worse (and if you still love them at their worse than marriage is the right move).

I'm the only person I know that is divorced. All my friends are married and have been for sometime and nobody in my family has/was divorced.

I lived with my ex for a number of years before we married. Everyone I know has lived with their partner for years before marrying. I think you'd need to be mad to not live together first.

inkie

We married in 1992 - got engaged after 6 months of meeting, but didn't live together before hand. It didn't really cross our minds, and my parents wouldn't have approved anyway, lol!

My daughter is at uni and will be moving in to a house in September with her boyfriend (she virtually lives at the place he's in now anyway lol). I don't have a problem with it - they have been talking marriage etc - he just needs to pick up the courage to tell his parents first though before they get engaged )

rdone

74jax wrote: »

We had been together for 6 years when I asked him to marry me. He said no as he didn't know if we could live together. I wouldn't live with him and not be married so we were at stalemate.

We decided to live together for year, and if we survived we'd get engaged. But no longer than one year.

And what happened? Are you now happily married?

rdone

I got engaged a few weeks ago and we've lived together for just over a year. Today I booked our wedding but that's not for another two years

DigForVictory

Ah, the good old double standard.

Who do you mind startling? Your folks & others of their frankly dated opinions, who will doubtless thaw given time, matrimony & offspring (note both the order & I don't say whose!)

Or your friends, for whom the (ahem) "try before you buy" approach is almost enshrined, where not marrying someone because you don't know what they do with their socks at the end of the day is regarded as odd, where the other party's abilities at washing, cooking, ironing are regarded as useful to know?

I go fearsome lucky in that whilst m'lady Mother was raised Victorian, m'father was a Marriage Guidance Counsellor (now relate) & was quietly all for his daughters moving out - in part so he got better odds of a bathroom but also for the better lasting marriage based on better informed expectations.

So having watched me cannon through a bunch of complete idiocies, my beloved was still there when I "woke up & smelled the coffee" & we're married 17 years later. He mildly regrets 'waiting so long', but in the previous decade not only was I a bit of a handful, I also refused to countenance matrimony to anyone who couldn't afford my mortgage...

Gloomendoom

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Quite. Why stress the 'only' though? I think that's what people are confused about.

Dunno. I just read what was written.

Subtext, if indeed there is any, is wasted on males. Generally speaking, of course.

catkins

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

As I said above, we got married four months to the day after we met. We were 21 and 22, and just wanted to be legally bound to each other. We got married by special licence within a week of deciding to. We were both quite naive and immature, but grew wiser and more mature together. We are still happily married after 44 years,almost never argue and can't imagine our lives without the other one in it.

I would not recommend this way for everyone, but for us it was absolutely right and I'm glad we did it that way. Not a moment's regret.

Right for us too - married 5 months after meeting. I was 25 and OH 23.

I-W wrote: »

We lived together before getting engaged and I would highly recommend it. Of all my friends who have got married only one didn't live together before marriage and he is the only one to divorce (less than a year of marriage). IMHO you don't truly know someone until you have lived with them and seen them at their worse (and if you still love them at their worse than marriage is the right move).

Me and OH found the getting to know each other properly exciting.

VestanPance wrote: »

I'm the only person I know that is divorced. All my friends are married and have been for sometime and nobody in my family has/was divorced.

I lived with my ex for a number of years before we married. Everyone I know has lived with their partner for years before marrying. I think you'd need to be mad to not live together first.

I don't agree that you "need to be mad not to live together". It worked for me and OH and plenty of other people. There are very few divorces in my family and practically none of them lived together before marriage.


I know quite a few couples who lived together for years before marriage but still divorced. One of OH's cousins lived with her boyfriend for 12 years but their marriage only lasted a year. Another of his cousins lived with his girlfriend for 15 years and his marriage lasted 6 months!

LameWolf

I lived with Mr LW for 16 months before we got married; our situation was a little odd in that we had to wait for my decree absolute before we could marry.

Timeline was:
First met him 2nd January 2002
We actually "clicked" 3rd May 2002
Moved in with him 27th May 2002
Got engaged 13th September 2002
My Decree Absolute came through July 2003 (he'd already been divorced for many years)
We married 13th September 2003.

j.e.j.

catkins wrote: »

I know quite a few couples who lived together for years before marriage but still divorced. One of OH's cousins lived with her boyfriend for 12 years but their marriage only lasted a year. Another of his cousins lived with his girlfriend for 15 years and his marriage lasted 6 months!

Paradoxically I think the divorce rate is higher among couples who have lived together for years before marrying! It used to be the case, anyway.

I think if you want to live as a married couple then you should get married. If you just want a boyfriend/girlfriend, then just live together.