Did you live with your husband/wife before marriage?

[Deleted User]

Our story is a bit of strange one. I was 18 and living alone attending uni. OH was 17 and living in a nearby village struggling to find work and with no money to come through and try and get a job in the city where they were plentiful (at that time!)

9 months after we met he moved in with me temporarily so he could find work more easily. It worked and we got on incredibly well, but it was definitely a temporary thing as I was wary of any partner of mine going straight from his family home to living with a girl. I had done my time in halls etc and thought it was important. It took a while, but four years later he moved out and spent 2 years living with 3 of his mates in a flat a short walk away. It was good for him as his living expenses increased a lot and he learned how to budget better!

He then moved back in "for good" about 6 years ago. We got married in 2013 in order to be next of kin, about 4 years after he moved back in, on our tenth anniversary. We still find it very easy to live with each other.

In my area there are still a fair few young people not living together until after marriage as there is quite a large religious community. Engagements in these cases are also significantly shorter!

jaydeeuk1

Wife and i sort of lived together before we were married. 12 years ago I lived in a student house with 5 other couples, we both had different partners then though!


When we were engaged and we stayed over at my parents we weren't allowed to sleep in same bed and if we went upstairs we had to keep the door open (we were 24 at the time, not 14), my mum was adamant that we be married first! Was our 8 year anniversary other day.

BarryBlue

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I would hope that if you are living together then you are in a committed relationship! People who live together say that it's the same as marriage and going into it for convenience and not intending it for the long-term is not the same as marriage.

catkins wrote: »

I lived with someone before I met OH and so did he. I certainly never intended marrying the guy I lived with and OH says he never intended marrying the girl he lived with.

I'm with Catkins here. It doesn't follow at all that just because you live with someone that you intend to marry them, or even be that committed to the relationship. In the 70s I had the same girlfriend for about 4 years. She had a small flat and I used to spend about 4 nights a week there and chipped in with the bills.

There was never any intention on the part of either of us that we were lifelong partners. It was good fun, suited us both, and we had lives outside of the relationship. Eventually I met someone else and we just split up and moved on.

missbiggles1

Torry_Quine wrote: »

I would hope that if you are living together then you are in a committed relationship! People who live together say that it's the same as marriage and going into it for convenience and not intending it for the long-term is not the same as marriage.

For some people, living together is a commitment but for others it isn't. As long as both are on the same page it really doesn't matter - it's only geography after all.

Marisco

I didn't live with my ex before marriage, it just wasn't done where I lived. This was in '69, I got married from home, we lived with my parents for 9 months until we got our own place. Managed 25 years before we got divorced.

I lived with oh for 20 years before getting married earlier this year, and that was only because it was cheaper at 150 quid than it would have cost to get the "legalities" sorted with a solicitor. Nothing has changed, not even my name, so I'm afraid I don't buy into this marriage means commitment malarky. We only got married as it makes things easier legally, no other reason at all.

My daughter lived with her 2nd husband before they got married, in fact their daughter was 18 months old! And my son lives with his current girlfriend, he's managed to avoid marriage altogether! Things are way different now to when I first got married, trick is to go with the flow!

BarryBlue

Marisco wrote: »

I lived with oh for 20 years before getting married earlier this year, and that was only because it was cheaper at 150 quid than it would have cost to get the "legalities" sorted with a solicitor. Nothing has changed, not even my name, so I'm afraid I don't buy into this marriage means commitment malarky. We only got married as it makes things easier legally, no other reason at all.

Sounds just like us. We got married 3 years ago after 20+ years together. We were totally committed in all that time but did the deed for the same reasons. We did it for very little money too, especially as we only had a few very close friends there. Likewise, nothing has changed for us and she didn't change her name either. She has always used her maiden name professionally, plus she had 5 years left on her passport!


When all said and done, a piece of paper will make no difference to a relationship, good or bad. Marriage is a legal institution, nothing more, no matter what anyone may like to pretend.

onlyroz

I never saw the point in long engagements that go on for years and years. If you want to get married then just do it. But I do think it's sensible to live with somebody for a little while before you get married - I don't think you can truly know that you love somebody until you've seen them exhausted and grumpy after a bad day at work, and until you know their habits, levels of cleanliness, attitude towards housework and cooking etc etc.

Torry_Quine

BarryBlue wrote: »

I'm with Catkins here. It doesn't follow at all that just because you live with someone that you intend to marry them, or even be that committed to the relationship. In the 70s I had the same girlfriend for about 4 years. She had a small flat and I used to spend about 4 nights a week there and chipped in with the bills.

There was never any intention on the part of either of us that we were lifelong partners. It was good fun, suited us both, and we had lives outside of the relationship. Eventually I met someone else and we just split up and moved on.

missbiggles1 wrote: »

For some people, living together is a commitment but for others it isn't. As long as both are on the same page it really doesn't matter - it's only geography after all.

In my opinion then how can living together be considered equivalent to marriage if treated so casually?:o

Gloomendoom

onlyroz wrote: »

I never saw the point in long engagements that go on for years and years. If you want to get married then just do it. But I do think it's sensible to live with somebody for a little while before you get married - I don't think you can truly know that you love somebody until you've seen them exhausted and grumpy after a bad day at work, and until you know their habits, levels of cleanliness, attitude towards housework and cooking etc etc.

Ah, but true love is blind!

I think Mrs G must be too.

missbiggles1

Torry_Quine wrote: »

In my opinion then how can living together be considered equivalent to marriage if treated so casually?:o

But living together isn't just one thing, which is what you fail to grasp.

It can range from being a commited, marriage like relationship to a one night stand that hangs around for a while, with all shades and nuances in between.

Nobody claims that all living together relationships are equivalent to marriage!