Did you live with your husband/wife before marriage?

I-W

We lived together before getting engaged and I would highly recommend it. Of all my friends who have got married only one didn't live together before marriage and he is the only one to divorce (less than a year of marriage). IMHO you don't truly know someone until you have lived with them and seen them at their worse (and if you still love them at their worse than marriage is the right move).

missbiggles1

Sandhy wrote: »

My parents are in their 80s and they have lovely neighbours who got married 5 years ago after living together for about 15 years. However, they have only been married 5 years according to my mum!

Sorry, am I missing something here?

meg72

I married in 1963 divorced in 1990 if I had of lived with him for even 6 months before hand then I would never have married him. There was no choice as only 17 and strict parents.

seven-day-weekend

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Sorry, am I missing something here?

I was missing it too, then!

MovingUp

It is very common for people to live together and it may well be a way to see if marriage is right for you. Have you both spoken about marriage? Is it something you both want? A discussion between the two of you could easily solve this and put your Mum's mind at rest.

I was engaged to my DH before we bought our house. We have been together over 8 years now, owned our house for 3 years and married for 2 years. Living together would never have stopped me marrying him - he makes me smile and laugh too much to get rid of him lol!

securityguy

"the reason I ask is because my parents 'courted' in the 1980s and prior to marriage had not stayed over a single night at each other's houses."

Presumably they didn't go to university.

Georgiegirl256

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Sorry, am I missing something here?

I take it to mean that the mother meant that the relationship in her eyes was only valid since they got married and didn't count before?

Gloomendoom

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I take it to mean that the mother meant that the relationship in her eyes was only valid since they got married and didn't count before?

I take to mean that the mother meant that her neighbours had only been married for five years.

They had only been married five years.

Georgiegirl256

Gloomendoom wrote: »

I take to mean that the mother meant that her neighbours had only been married for five years.

They had only been married five years.

Quite. Why stress the 'only' though? I think that's what people are confused about.

AmyTurtle

I lived with a previous partner for 7 years without marrying. I met my OH when we lived in a shared house, so I knew he was a slob before I ever actually moved in with him to our own place 18 months later It's just as well he has other qualities! We are unmarried and shock horror, I am pregnant. We plan to marry in the next 2 or 3 years although we aren't officially engaged. Funnily enough the only people who have expressed shock at this situation have all been women my age (31) that I went to grammar school with - no one else has batted an eyelid.

My mum's been married 6 times and my dad 3 so I've always been determined I will go in to a marriage eyes wide open, and my grandma always said you don't know someone until you shut door with them.

Several people I know who have only lived together after marriage have had awful shocks and the marriage has ended quickly - my mum moved in with her first husband after the wedding to discover he was terribly emotionally, physically and sexually abusive. My step brother recently re-met and married a teenage girlfriend very quickly and moved in with her after the wedding. They both have children from previous relationships and haven't been able to blend the families - they have now split up acrimoniously only 6 months after the wedding.