Did you live with your husband/wife before marriage?

Georgiegirl256

Torry_Quine wrote: »

In my opinion then how can living together be considered equivalent to marriage if treated so casually?:o

I don't understand what you mean when you say "if treated so casually?" I don't think anyone who has taken the step of living together (possible mortgage, rental agreement)) is going into it casually.

onlyroz

Torry_Quine wrote: »

In my opinion then how can living together be considered equivalent to marriage if treated so casually?:o

Having your boyfriend/girlfriend move in with a few bags, putting their toothbrush in the bathroom and clearing out a few drawers for him/her in the bedroom is one thing. But buying a property together and having both your names on the deeds, or signing a joint tenancy agreement is another thing entirely. I wouldn't say that living together is equivalent to marriage unless you've both got a financial stake in the property.

POPPYOSCAR

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I don't understand what you mean when you say "if treated so casually?" I don't think anyone who has taken the step of living together (possible mortgage, rental agreement)) is going into it casually.

Exactly.


I know someone on their third marriage right now, so how is marriage such a commitment!

Torry_Quine

missbiggles1 wrote: »

But living together isn't just one thing, which is what you fail to grasp.

It can range from being a commited, marriage like relationship to a one night stand that hangs around for a while, with all shades and nuances in between.

Nobody claims that all living together relationships are equivalent to marriage!

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I don't understand what you mean when you say "if treated so casually?" I don't think anyone who has taken the step of living together (possible mortgage, rental agreement)) is going into it casually.

onlyroz wrote: »

Having your boyfriend/girlfriend move in with a few bags, putting their toothbrush in the bathroom and clearing out a few drawers for him/her in the bedroom is one thing. But buying a property together and having both your names on the deeds, or signing a joint tenancy agreement is another thing entirely. I wouldn't say that living together is equivalent to marriage unless you've both got a financial stake in the property.

If this is the case and obviously it is then how does the outsider know the difference and when does the casual arrangement become more?

This has shown that when living together is said to not be equivalent to marriage that can indeed be the case.

onlyroz

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If this is the case and obviously it is then how does the outsider know the difference and when does the casual arrangement become more?

Why is it important for an outsider to be able to tell the difference? What business is it of mine to pry into the personal and financial affairs of my friends and relatives?

chunkychocky

Quite possibly not a relevant answer as we lived with each other in a student house before we started dating. I then left uni after a three year degree and moved to a different part of the country. As soon as he finished his five year degree he got a job near me and it made financial sense to buy a house together as the rent I was paying was more than a mortgage, yet neither of us could get a mortgage individually. We married after we'd known each other for 13 years, dated for 12 and lived in our own house for 10. We've been married almost 10 years now.

Georgiegirl256

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If this is the case and obviously it is then how does the outsider know the difference and when does the casual arrangement become more?.

Who cares what outsiders think?!

I have 2 friends who have both been with their partners for over 20 years and have never married. They are as committed to their partners as any married couple would be. I am married, but wouldn't say me and my husband are any more committed than they are....we just have more legal rights. Although, I think one of the couples has sorted that aspect out anyhow.

missbiggles1

Torry_Quine wrote: »

If this is the case and obviously it is then how does the outsider know the difference and when does the casual arrangement become more?

This has shown that when living together is said to not be equivalent to marriage that can indeed be the case.

What business is it of the outsider whether the situation is casual or committed?

fairy_lights

Me and my OH have lived together for three years and aren't married yet.
My sister and her partner have lived together for six years and aren't married yet.
My parents have lived together for 30 years and aren't married yet!
If people in my family got married before living together none of us would ever move out of our parents houses :rotfl:

Torry_Quine

onlyroz wrote: »

Why is it important for an outsider to be able to tell the difference? What business is it of mine to pry into the personal and financial affairs of my friends and relatives?

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Who cares what outsiders think?!

I have 2 friends who have both been with their partners for over 20 years and have never married. They are as committed to their partners as any married couple would be. I am married, but wouldn't say me and my husband are any more committed than they are....we just have more legal rights. Although, I think one of the couples has sorted that aspect out anyhow.

missbiggles1 wrote: »

What business is it of the outsider whether the situation is casual or committed?

You are all making my point though. It is constantly said on MSE and other places that living together is the same as being married but as shown here it isn't in all cases. Why then are people castigated for expressing what is patently true?