Just need a little rant - gonna hit the fan this week with in laws from hell

AnnieO1234

Wow. How did it ever get to this point? I've just written to both my in-laws telling them that we will no longer be accepting their calls/text messages due to their most recent accusations. I've advised them they may write to my husband (letter or email). I know that sounds totally harsh. I reminded them in my letter that they've been advised to stay away from our home by both social services (both) and the police (just FIL). I've also advised them that if they attempt to visit then I'll have no alternative but to request police assistance.

How did it get to this? My husband was stricken with cancer, I was 5 months pregnant when he was diagnosed. MIL became even more of a monster than she ever had been. I understand that, I understand it must be hard to accept your son is dying (happily he is now over it, aside from some residual issues with memory and mobility). FIL has taken all his cues from MIL. He threatened to hit me just before Christmas, the only crime I had committed directly to him up to that point, the only thing he could accuse me of, was not responding to text messages particularly quickly. Might've been something to do with a toddler, a newborn and a disabled husband, but hey ho.

The last couple of weeks have really come to a head with both of them. We were trying to arrange to meet MIL at a park local to her. She had a couple of days off, I explained that the weather report showed that the Tuesday was going to be marvellous and the Wednesday would be cold and raining. Happily for me I was proven right. I got called a liar. I was told I had simply decided that the weather would be that way. Despite actually sending copies of two weather reports, she still couldn't see passed her own hatred of me. After this straw that broke the camel's back incident, we made it clear that only once my husband is well enough to be alone will she be able to meet him.

A few days later FIL texted DH. DH replied. The next second FIL was accusing me of replying on DH's behalf. That's what's really broken the camel's back. I'm just not dealing with this level of stress any more. That's FIL getting aggressive with DH. He responded, "Yes DIL but how's son doing?" - what a pr*ck.

So their numbers have been put on caller barred. I've reminded them of the letters we had our solicitor send to them warning them that we would be taking action should they continue to harass us. I feel so sad for my DH right now that it's come to this with his mom and dad. A part of me recognises that FIL has only had poison tipped in his ear by his ex wife. But he's taken every. single. point. as gospel from her. Rather than asking, 'oh well there must be another side to this', instead he's just accepted what she's said.

MIL is currently under investigation at work due to her behaviour while DH was in hospital (she works at the same hospital). She's accessed his medical records, she's changed next of kin details, she's attempted every thing she can think of to try to gain control. She's made accusations left and right. I just have no time any more to deal with it. Any of it.

I'm not asking for a medal, but I'm the one that's been there nursing their son, without any outside assistance. I'm the one that's been dealing with the difficulties of c-diff. I'm the one that's balanced all that, the physio, the mental health, the injections, everything basically for their son, because he's my husband and of course I'll do whatever I'm able to. MIL wanted him to go live with her. She's spun out of control because she's not been in control. This is the only way I can try to re-gain some sort of control myself over their hateful, spiteful selves. To remove them completely from our lives, apart from via email or post. I know that won't change their belief that I'm replying on behalf of my husband, but it will force them to put their accusations in writing, and I swear I will then pursue them through the courts. I've had enough. Take what has been the worst time in my life, and try to make it so much worse. To h*ll with them. I'm done.

xxx

McKneff

Feel better for that ? x


Calm down, have a cuppa and move on with your family and I wish you good luck.

double_mummy

McKneff wrote: »

Feel better for that ? x


Calm down, have a cuppa and move on with your family and I wish you good luck.

and some choccie biscuits

Mojisola

AnnieO1234 wrote: »

We were trying to arrange to meet MIL at a park local to her. She had a couple of days off, I explained that the weather report showed that the Tuesday was going to be marvellous and the Wednesday would be cold and raining. Happily for me I was proven right. I got called a liar. I was told I had simply decided that the weather would be that way. Despite actually sending copies of two weather reports, she still couldn't see passed her own hatred of me.

You've really got caught up in her games! Sending her copies of the weather reports was not necessary - you knew you were right but that nothing you could say would get her to admit that. Learn when to stop feeding the troll!

She's spun out of control because she's not been in control. This is the only way I can try to re-gain some sort of control myself over their hateful, spiteful selves. To remove them completely from our lives, apart from via email or post.

Good for you - you know you can never win with someone like this. You need to maintain the 'no contact' rule but you also need to get her out of your head otherwise she will be there, commenting on your actions all the time.

You and your OH and your children are your priority.


Added: I don't know whether you've seen wiggy's thread - https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/4805353 - worth a read to see what she's had to do to get out from under her mother's control.

FBaby

I understand that your husband was poorly and as such you had to get involved. Unfortunately, this led to a battle of wills, Mother of adored son vs wife taking over. Dreadful situation.

However, if your husband is getting better, isn't the best thing you can do for him and yourself to let him decide how to handle his mum? That would take away the stress of trying to please you both knowing that whatever he does will upset one or the other, and for you, it means not having to see and therefore have to be bothered by what she does/say.

You won't be the first wife not seeing eye to eye at all with your MIL, but most in your situation just step out and let their husband deal with it. He is your husband, not your son. You will all feel much better when you let him take over, hopefully now that he is better.

AnnieO1234

Thanx for your support! Mojisola you really sent me off on a tangent with Wiggy's thread, not got far but look forward to reading the rest of it tonight.

Double Mummy and McKneff, yep sat down and had a drink - feeling much calmer now.

FBaby unfortunately my DH is still too ill with residual effects of the chemo to really be able to handle either of his parents now. We were at the point you suggest about 6 months ago, and all they did was ramp it up. That's why the police and social services advised they were no longer welcome at our home.

Think it will all kick off again this week though now, in which we'll be pursuing a court order for protection from harassment.

Hindsight being a wonderful thing, I wish I hadn't stepped back originally because I think that would've kept things more 'normal' and on a even keel. Unfortunately I didn't. There's been some pretty weird behaviours exhibited by MIL, it's just not something I can subject the children too. Plus I get so stressed by their behaviour (MIL and FIL) that it's not a good environment for the kids, DH or me.

When DH is well enough to deal with them alone, he can - although I think they'll probably start by sticking the knife in about me. In which case his next visit with them, whenever that may take place, might be extremely short. xxx

duchy

My jaw dropped at her accessing hospital records and changing next of kin.
Presumably she and FIL are divorced - quite odd he doesn't realize what she is like especially if she has put her job in jeopardy with her actions.

Ultimately you made the decision - now you just need to stand firm.
Good luck.

Hope the rant helped and that Wiggy's thread helps you realize you aren't the only one (and I hope Wiggy gets to read yours too)

j.e.j.

duchy wrote: »

My jaw dropped at her accessing hospital records and changing next of kin.
Presumably she and FIL are divorced - quite odd he doesn't realize what she is like especially if she has put her job in jeopardy with her actions.

Ultimately you made the decision - now you just need to stand firm.
Good luck.

Hope the rant helped and that Wiggy's thread helps you realize you aren't the only one (and I hope Wiggy gets to read yours too)

Mine too. How reassuring to know there are people like this working in the NHS.. NOT!! :eek:

AnnieO1234

Duchy and j.e.d. I am in the middle of a complaint with the trust involved, it's now with the chief executive himself. She's used certain information maliciously. I think if her job was less specialised (only nhs centre in uk to utilise the service she specialises in) she would be gone; there's been a distinct closing of ranks but they've admitted in writing she's accessed DH, ds, my dad and my files. Xxx

j.e.j.

AnnieO1234 wrote: »

Duchy and j.e.d. I am in the middle of a complaint with the trust involved, it's now with the chief executive himself. She's used certain information maliciously. I think if her job was less specialised (only nhs centre in uk to utilise the service she specialises in) she would be gone; there's been a distinct closing of ranks but they've admitted in writing she's accessed DH, ds, my dad and my files. Xxx

I sincerely hope she gets a disciplinary at the very least. I would think it's a sackable offence, interfering with someone's medical records, possibly also a Police matter, but as you say they all close ranks.

MothballsWallet

Will the Information Commissioner's Office get involved with this, OP?

They can find a company up to £500,000 for Data Protection Act breaches.