Just need a little rant - gonna hit the fan this week with in laws from hell

aileth

She sounds like a typical narcisstic fruitcake, and I think you've shown remarkable restraint in the way you've dealt with her so far. I would've already slipped some rohypnol in her drink and stuck her on a boat to the Antarctic by now. Hope your OH gets better soon.

meer53

FBaby wrote: »

I think the reason why I implied that OP might potentially have contributed to the scale of the conflict is some of the choice of words in some of her posts that read for me as some sort of self-satisfaction when MIL didn't get her way (thinking of the POA). The fact also that in the vast majority where conflict takes such proportion, it is rarely just one direction (because without fire, the flames burn out).

Of course, this is only a gut feeling that doesn't in anyway reflects what reality might be. Either way, I really feel for OP's OH as he is the one stuck in the middle whilst having to cope with his health. Whether it is his parents alone who are totally out of order, or OP maybe not helping the situation, it is very sad that the people who are supposed to love him the most can't put their own agenda on the side to reduce the stress this poor man must be under.

I read the posts the same way too. Regardless of our opinions, there are two sides to this story. It reads to me as a huge clash of personalities, the OP and the MIL. I think one of them needs to take a step back and look at what this is doing to the OP's OH. Which one that will be is anyones guess.

They might be the inlaws from hell, but they're still his parents. My MIL was an absolute cow, but she was still my husbands mother, she thought she was doing the right thing, everytime. I didn't. I just accepted it wasn't going to change, from then on, i refused to let her get to me.

Georgiegirl256

FBaby wrote: »

I think the reason why I implied that OP might potentially have contributed to the scale of the conflict is some of the choice of words in some of her posts that read for me as some sort of self-satisfaction when MIL didn't get her way (thinking of the POA). The fact also that in the vast majority where conflict takes such proportion, it is rarely just one direction (because without fire, the flames burn out).

Of course, this is only a gut feeling that doesn't in anyway reflects what reality might be. Either way, I really feel for OP's OH as he is the one stuck in the middle whilst having to cope with his health. Whether it is his parents alone who are totally out of order, or OP maybe not helping the situation, it is very sad that the people who are supposed to love him the most can't put their own agenda on the side to reduce the stress this poor man must be under.

I read the posts the same way as you do.

The MIL sounds an absolute nightmare, but the person I really feel for is the husband being stuck in the middle at a time when everyone should be coming together.

flossy_splodge

But we've only got ONE version of events from ONE side.
Not thinking thats enough to wade in with judgements, thats all.

fivetide

Another vote for clearly mad MIL but some leeway needed. The leaving the room/catheter thing for example. Unless hubby said he wanted her out then I don't see the issue with having her help. She wants to help her son, understandable. He hasn't got anything she hasn't seen before so for the sake of peace I wouldn't have had her kicked out of the room.


Little things snowball and court orders etc are a completely broken relationship now. Real shame for hubby when he's not really done anything wrong.

Errata

The MIL will have plenty of leeway, when she's sacked for gross misconduct and probably disqualified from working in health care anywhere.

fairy_lights

flossy_splodge wrote: »

But we've only got ONE version of events from ONE side.
Not thinking thats enough to wade in with judgements, thats all.

But that's the way it is with any post on a forum. We can't hold off from making judgements on the basis that we don't know the other side of the story or we would never be able to say anything at all on here!
Regardless of what the MIL's side of the story is, I don't think there can be any justification at all for her accessing private medical records. Sometimes there is no other, valid side to a story. Sometimes people are just nutcases.

AnnieO1234

Just a quick one, Fivetide while my DH was still well enough before he was cath'd he told her to leave the room. The hospital themselves have admitted there would've been police involvement if it had been a father and daughter not mother and son. When DH became incapacitated I had to think how I would want him to be with my dad and there's no bloody way that I would expect my dad to stay in the room while I was nude. Xxx

TBagpuss

It must be very difficult for you having to be in a kind of 'holding pattern' until your husband is well enough to decide with you how you will, as a family, deal with his parents in future.

I think in your position I would step as far back from communication with them as possible. If there is anything they need to know (for instance, if your husband wishes to see them, or is well enough for a phone call) then put that in writing if possible ,but keep it as short and factual as possible (e.g. DH will be well enough for a short visit. I will bring him to [place] at [time] to meet with you.He is likely to be able to stay for around 30 minutes provided that things go well. Please confirm no later than [time] that you would like to meet him and will be at [place]" No commentary, or response to any unpleasantness from her end.

In light of the issues with noes etc can you speak to the hosptial (And any other carers) about having notes put on his records specifically and explicitly stating that information must not be given to her or FIL, and that they do not have authority to access the notes or to make requests? that would make it harder for her to try to talk anyone into changing or adding information, or giving her details she should not have.

Good luck, and I hope your DH continues to improve

FBaby

The last couple of weeks have really come to a head with both of them. We were trying to arrange to meet MIL at a park local to her. She had a couple of days off, I explained that the weather report showed that the Tuesday was going to be marvellous and the Wednesday would be cold and raining. Happily for me I was proven right. I got called a liar. I was told I had simply decided that the weather would be that way. Despite actually sending copies of two weather reports, she still couldn't see passed her own hatred of me. After this straw that broke the camel's back incident, we made it clear that only once my husband is well enough to be alone will she be able to meet him.

It's this that makes me believe that the issue has gone from some need to ascertain one's position to a need to control each other's life and contact with OP's OH.

For one, if he is now back home and able to go to a park, why did OP need to be there? His mum is a top clinical consultant, surely he was in good hands and OP didn't need to be there, only dropping him off if necessary. If she is not allowed to come to their house any longer, maybe she had not seen him for a while, not since he got back home and maybe she was desperate to see him. Maybe she thought that OP was trying to find reasons to avoid meeting up? Arguing about the weather forecast when all that was required was to agree to change the venue? Really?

As everyone has stated, if your OH is better, just let him communicate again with his parents. In the situation above, if your OH was well enough to go and meet with his mum, then he should have been the one mentioning the weather and agreeing on another venue/day. Why oh why would you get involved when you must have know that it would only lead to anger and conflict?