Just need a little rant - gonna hit the fan this week with in laws from hell

AnnieO1234

Thanks Duchy and Cruising Saver. I must admit I saw the post and was a bit taken aback, I had to re-read what I'd talked about to make sure it was clear that my husband is, as you put it, a vulnerable adult. The whole point in the letters and refusal of calls is to allow us all some space, and when DH is well enough he can then make a decision as to what he wants to do.

I've said many times that the Caldicott guardian should've been informed, but they're being rather circumspect on it. They've said the accesses have occurred via a different 'system' to medical records and therefore it doesn't fall within the Caldicott guardian protocol. The next of kin details were allegedly changed on the ward physically, but this in itself is another story. MIL tried to tell his oncology ward that we'd only been dating a short time. The first time matron saw our little one, they were slightly taken aback as they'd bought MIL's story up to that point. DS is literally mini-me of DH.

I'd already considered referring this to our MP, but most of this confirmation came about after parliament had officially closed. But I'm fairly confident my MP won't take stuff like this kindly, he's something of a dragon to be blunt.

xxx

GobbledyGook

How on earth could she think changing details wouldn't get back to her?! Mad lady.

My MIL turned out to be a nightmare. Was all good, even when her son and I split up. However she went ballistic when I was pregnant (didn't know I was pregnant when we split up) because I didn't want him to be my birth partner. I was planning a home birth and the plan, that he and I agreed on!, was that he'd be in another room with our daughters. It stemmed from there and ended up in court, threats of snatching our children, constantly harassing me with letters, phone calls and turning up at my house. You'll get a lot of good support on here, people were fabulous to me, lots of wise heads. My thread on here got me through some tough times.

The only advice I'd give is trust your instinct and don't let other people's opinions sway you. Obviously your DH has to decide for himself what he does, but you get to decide what you do and if that is no contact forever more then you are perfectly entitled to do that.

People will judge, especially if there are grandchildren involved, but your MIL made her choices for her children and you have to make them for yours. If you and your DH don't think she/they are safe around your child/ren then that's your decision to make. Grandparents don't have a right to contact - children have the rights, and safe children, protected from any harm (including emotional harm) are far better off that kids with grandparents who harm them.

Good luck x

Errata

In both my local very large Trusts unauthorised access to medical records pings up on the Caldicott system and the ping is acted on very quickly.
If you feel the hospital is giving you the runaround a telephone conversation with these people may be helpful http://www.irwinmitchell.com/personal/medical-negligence

AnnieO1234

Thanks Errata but I wouldn't touch IM with a barge pole xxx

Errata

AnnieO1234 wrote: »

Thanks Errata but I wouldn't touch IM with a barge pole xxx

You obviously have significant experience of them.

MothballsWallet

OP, any form of system used to store personal records should be recording all access to it: whether it was for reading only or for changes made.

If your MIL tried to deny such changes, that log (if it exists) would be like firing a nuke at her row boat of a denial argument...

flossy_splodge

I feel for you that you are so stressed but would just like to offer the thought that you consider if you have contributed to the situation in any way?
The younger generation can often be very arrogant in how they deal with disagreements and over time this can cause tensions to escalate.
Few problems are 'one sided'.
Worth looking at yourself too if you can.
Hope all goes well for you and your DH.
All the best for all your family.

pebbles88

flossy_splodge wrote: »

I feel for you that you are so stressed but would just like to offer the thought that you consider if you have contributed to the situation in any way?
The younger generation can often be very arrogant in how they deal with disagreements and over time this can cause tensions to escalate.
Few problems are 'one sided'.
Worth looking at yourself too if you can.
Hope all goes well for you and your DH.
All the best for all your family.

I'd say the mil is the one who has behaved arrogantly. Alas she seems to think she has to answer to no one given that she stupidly risked her job/career by accessing all the families medical records..... I truly hope they do start disciplinary procedures given just how many records she accessed, even op's parents, so it wasn't a... Oh I'm so worried about my son that I had to know everything about his illness kind of justification for doing it, it's repeated abuse of her position at work. I'd be sacked for doing it, & I'm a civil servant so have to abide by similar data protection laws.

In regards to the younger generation being arrogant in how they deal with things.... The same can be said for the older generation, Especially the sense of entitlement that many have in regards to behave in any way they want eg: pushing in queues, demanding they be seen first etc. of course I know not all are like that before anyone tells me off!

FBaby

I think the reason why I implied that OP might potentially have contributed to the scale of the conflict is some of the choice of words in some of her posts that read for me as some sort of self-satisfaction when MIL didn't get her way (thinking of the POA). The fact also that in the vast majority where conflict takes such proportion, it is rarely just one direction (because without fire, the flames burn out).

Of course, this is only a gut feeling that doesn't in anyway reflects what reality might be. Either way, I really feel for OP's OH as he is the one stuck in the middle whilst having to cope with his health. Whether it is his parents alone who are totally out of order, or OP maybe not helping the situation, it is very sad that the people who are supposed to love him the most can't put their own agenda on the side to reduce the stress this poor man must be under.

Marisco

flossy_splodge wrote: »

I feel for you that you are so stressed but would just like to offer the thought that you consider if you have contributed to the situation in any way?
The younger generation can often be very arrogant in how they deal with disagreements and over time this can cause tensions to escalate.
Few problems are 'one sided'.
Worth looking at yourself too if you can.
Hope all goes well for you and your DH.
All the best for all your family.

Are you having a laugh? I've just read through the thread, and the first thing I thought to myself was, that this woman (the MIL) has got serious mental health problems! In non PC terms, she sounds like a raving nutcase!! IMO, no rational person would behave the way she has, and without doubt, she should be sacked for interfering with medical records. I would peruse that side of it with a vigour that would put a rottweiler to shame, and get the biatch sacked!!