Photos at funerals and Facebook

SandC

Firstly, I am so sorry for your loss.

That is just so awful and disrespectful. How anyone can think this is acceptable is beyond me. I was quite horrified when someone I know 'checked in' at a funeral once.

Someone took a picture of the flowers for a friend's funeral in the hearse just before we left for the crem and put it on facebook, which I also thought was inappropriate - I didn't say anything though as 'why rock the boat'.

I would simply get on with trying to get on with things now the funeral is over and you can be rest assured that most of her 'friends' on FB will be feeling just like the rest of us!

pinkteapot

proffLucy wrote: »

Well I've just found out that my other brother filmed the whole funeral! I didn't realise he was doing that.....apparently he has sent it to relatives in Australia...but thank god he must have done that privately. I only knowbecause there is another message on facebook from my uncle in Aus thanking my brother for doing it. So its no wonder brother number 2 isn't fussed about the photographs if he thought it was appropriate to film it :eek:

To be fair, if this was done purely so that relatives in Australia could see it, then I kind of understand that, BUT with the caveat that you should have been informed beforehand.

A brother of a friend of mine died. He was British, his family live here, but he'd lived and worked in New Zealand for a long time. His funeral was held in New Zealand and live-streamed online so that his friends and family here could watch it. When I first heard about it, it sounded really bizarre, but I looked online and several funeral parlours in countries like Australia and New Zealand now offer this service. Countries with large ex-pat populations from other countries and that are expensive to travel to to attend funerals. The stream is private - people have to be given the link by the family in order to view. Despite my initial feeling about it, after consideration it seemed to make sense to enable people who couldn't attend to 'join in' with the mourning, if that makes sense.

So, I think the filming for private purposes is a bit different to the public posting of photos. But, it absolutely should have been checked with you and the rest of the family before taking place.

Slinky

I went to a funeral last year where it was streamed live to Australia so the deceased's daughter and family who weren't able to attend were able to see it.

Your SIL is truly disrespectful. Would she mind you doing the same if it was her mum?

Mojisola

Slinky wrote: »

Your SIL is truly disrespectful. Would she mind you doing the same if it was her mum?

If she's a FB addict, she would probably be posting photos of the funeral herself.

lulu_92

Mojisola wrote: »

If she's a FB addict, she would probably be posting photos of the funeral herself.

I imagine she'd take photos of her own if she could.

Mojisola

The Victorians were quite keen on photos around death. It was normal for corpses to be dressed and brought to the photographers for photos to be taken with the family or alone as mementos for posterity.

http://io9.com/the-strangest-tradition-of-the-victorian-era-post-mort-472772709

Andypandyboy

Very distasteful and disrespectful. It may be a cultural difference but it was your mum and your wishes should be respected. Sorry for your loss.

Threebabes

Awful thing to do.

I lost my mam last year so can understand how fragile you must be feeling.

Again distasteful & disrespectful.

XX

PlymouthMaid

Agree with all above. Your SIL was thoughtless and crass and should really apologise to you and remove the pictures. Very sorry for your loss.

RuthnJasper

proffLucy wrote: »

It was my mums funeral yesterday. My sister in law is obsessed with facebook. I usually just ignore the millions of photos that she puts on but this morning, im feeling very upset already after such a harrowing day yesterday to find that she has put hundreds of photos of the funeral on facebook.

Pictures taken at the meal afterwards I'm fine with, and even outside the church etc

But shes put pictures of my mums coffin...and the worst one was a picture of me crying, saying my final goodbye to mum, before her coffin was taken away in the crematorium. It just shows my back because she has taken it from behind but it was a very private final moment. I know how much i was hurting in that photograph. Now its all over facebook. She has just shared it with her "friends" but im still not wanting complete strangers to see my final moments of grief with my mum.

I texted my brother to ask him to tell her not to put any more on, and now hes gone in a stop about it, saying there is no harm in it, but now I have looked at all 100-odd of the photos i realised there are some really private ones in which i have described above.

I just dont know what to do. My mum would have hated it. She was a very private person. But no one else in the family seems to have a problem with it so its making me see like a drama queen for getting upset about it.

I absolutely cannot believe the nerve of the S-i-L. Her actions are completely and utterly unacceptable.

If you want to go down this route, Facebook may be able to help you - https://www.facebook.com/help/217091804975136#!/help/428478523862899
- but it won't help relationships with your brother and his harridan of a wife...

I am sorry for your mother's loss, and also for the humiliation of having these pictures posted. xx