Photos at funerals and Facebook

proffLucy

It was my mums funeral yesterday. My sister in law is obsessed with facebook. I usually just ignore the millions of photos that she puts on but this morning, im feeling very upset already after such a harrowing day yesterday to find that she has put hundreds of photos of the funeral on facebook.

Pictures taken at the meal afterwards I'm fine with, and even outside the church etc

But shes put pictures of my mums coffin...and the worst one was a picture of me crying, saying my final goodbye to mum, before her coffin was taken away in the crematorium. It just shows my back because she has taken it from behind but it was a very private final moment. I know how much i was hurting in that photograph. Now its all over facebook. She has just shared it with her "friends" but im still not wanting complete strangers to see my final moments of grief with my mum.

I texted my brother to ask him to tell her not to put any more on, and now hes gone in a stop about it, saying there is no harm in it, but now I have looked at all 100-odd of the photos i realised there are some really private ones in which i have described above.

I just dont know what to do. My mum would have hated it. She was a very private person. But no one else in the family seems to have a problem with it so its making me see like a drama queen for getting upset about it.

itchyextremist

Posting pictures of a funeral on facebook?! I haven't even heard of taking pictures at a funeral. I mean why would you want to remember it. I've been to several funerals and never seen anyone taking pictures. Maybe at the afterparty, but at the actual funeral?!

moromir

I believe that you can petition Facebook to remove photos containing you/minors under your supervision if they've been posted without permission, I don't know how you go about doing it though.

LEJC

I remember going to a funeral years ago where someone had a camera,it didnt really feel appropriate then to me but as they were close to the deceased i figured that they obviously had their reasons for taking a few pics...
That was all in the time before facebook....my goodness what an insensitive thing to do....by all means post that youve attended a funeral but pictures....no no no...

OP I share your pain

proffLucy

she was even taking pictures in the church, with the flash going, pictures of the priest and pictures of us doing the readings etc. there are HUNDREDS. But its the ones of me that she took without me realising that she took them that have set me off crying today. Im atwork and i just cant stop thinking about it now. And Im really hurt that my brother cant see why I would be upset. We are supposed to be going to scatter mums ashes on my Dads grave tonight. I've told my sister that I dont want to go if my sister in law will be there taking photos. My sister said "oh well, thats a shame, mum would have wanted you to be there" ....
I have cut my nose off to spite my face now haven't I, by saying that I'm not going.

carly

Your sister in law is a thoughtless inconsiderate person. I too would be upset in your position. My condolences on the loss of your mother.

Mojisola

proffLucy wrote: »

I have cut my nose off to spite my face now haven't I, by saying that I'm not going.

You can still go. You'll regret it if you don't.

Your SIL is an insensitive fool but there probably isn't anything you can say that will make her change her ways. Some people don't think real life has happened unless they put it on Facebook.

Get onto Facebook and get any of her photos that have you in them removed.

pondskater_2

I would wait until she has left the graveyard and then have my own private moment with my mum. Some people have no sense of decorum sadly.

*max*

I feel for you, and I absolutely think you are right to be hurt. What she did was inconsiderate, crass, insensitive and frankly disgusting.

I would ask her to remove them again, and if she won't, I'd go to Facebook and report them.

What a horrible thing to do.

My condolences on your loss. x

duchy

What a cow

She was *your* mother and she should be respecting your feelings and wishes whether she agrees or not. She is *only* a daughter in law.

I'd go to the ashes scattering simply to show that some of the family know how to behave respectfully and restrain yourself from "accidently" knocking her phone out of her hands however at some point I'd say to her quietly. "Your behaviour is disrespectful to Mum" and walk away. But then I wouldn't want anything more to do with her anyway-you may wish to not have a rift for reasons like nieces and nephews etc so choose to keep stum.

*max*

The more I think about it, the more upset I am on your behalf. If I was your friend, I would have a strong word with her. In fact, I would have a strong word with her right now and I don't even know you. Poor you. Horrible thoughtless cow that she is.