Photos at funerals and Facebook

meritaten

I am really sorry about your mum. and even more sorry that what should have been a private moment of grief has been put on effbook. I deactivated my account a few years ago - it was driving me mental.
I would have had a quiet word with her - I am with everyone else that the taking of photos of some aspects of the funeral to share with relatives etc who cannot be there is ok - but to post it in that way showing grieving mourners is beyond all boundaries of decency.

proffLucy

Well we scattered the ashes tonight. It was a lovely evening (weatherwise). It was just the 3 grandkids, me, my sister, brother number 2 then brother 1 turned up with the sister in law.


I didn't even want to look at them. A few photos were taken. I didn't say anything. They must all know my feelings now. My sister especially because I was trying to explain how I felt to her today... but she doesnt "want to take sides"


My mum was the glue that held the family together. I cant see us keeping in touch much...im basically on my own now as I am a single mum with no one around apart from a few good friends, but I think they are all so wrapped up in their own lives, and we are all so different. its really sad.


Anyway I have a child to look after so I cant mope around for long and feel sorry for myself.


Thanks for all the good wishes on here, it is very much appreciated x

bylromarha

So sorry for the loss of your mum. There is a really helpful bunch over on the Death and funerals board if you need a hand at any point during this horrid process of sorting out your mum's things.

I lost my mum a couple of years back and I can't imagine what I would have done if there were pictures on Facebook of my most personal moments of grief, and then not removed by the member of my family who knew they were upsetting me further.

You sound like you are dealing with it all in a great way and I truly hope the service you went to tonight was a loving way of remembering your mum.

Be good to yourself and make sure there is lots of chocolate in the cupboard for the many times over the next few weeks when you need it.

All the best chick x

Kynthia

I'm sorry for your loss. I think it's disgusting that someone took pictures of you and your grief at your mum's funeral, that they put them on Facebook, and that they won't remove the ones of you at your request! Everyone of those actions is terrible.

I have taken a few pictures at a funeral service before. Very discreetly, often at the request of the bereaved or for family that couldn't be there, and not of people but of the outside of the church, the flowers and the horse/carriage. It's a significant life event that some would like documented or is a blur at the time and some would like a reminder. However I'd never ever take photos of the mourners!

fierystormcloud

carly wrote: »

Your sister in law is a thoughtless inconsiderate person. I too would be upset in your position. My condolences on the loss of your mother.

This ^^^

What a thoughtless, selfish, attention seeking woman your sister sounds!!!!!!! :mad:

I have about 70 FB friends (and used to have about 150 before I did a cull and decided to only keep people I actually knew personally,) and I have been on FB for 6 years, and I have never ever ever seen anyone put pics up of a funeral on there.

Its just weird, and wrong.

kezzygirl

profflucy, is your sil of Afro caribbean descent? I only ask as my friend is from Zimbabwe and her nans funeral was a few weeks ago, and they took lots and lots of pictures. I asked her why, she explained that in their culture that is what they do at funerals. could this be the case?


I agree with you though, I am shocked at your sil's behaviour. I would make my distaste known and comment on each pic, nothing is private anymore


May I suggest holding fire on deactivating your mums fb account? It seems that everything is so raw for you, I would hate for u to look back in a few months and wish it was still active with her pics etc

Corelli

It is terrible that your SIL has posted private photos of you in your grief, and not respected your wishes to have them removed. I am very sorry for your loss, and sorry your grief has been compounded by her thoughtless actions.

But, photos at funerals. My Mother died last October and we had a fantastic funeral for her, a woodland burial and the service in a dream location she would have loved. I took a few photos, and of the home made flowers and wreaths we made for her and IMHO it was the best funeral I've ever been to, if only she and my father could have seen it.We wheeled her on a bier through the dusk in a magical woodland site, to be met by the priest at the grave. It was so dramatic and moving.

I shared on FB, just with friends. Those FB friends had been with me in spirit all the time I was away from home staying with her in the hospital and it seemed right to share with them what we had achieved for our mother. I didn't have any qualms about sharing there, and the comments were all lovely. It isn't always a matter of 'OMG, she's put it on FB'. If used carefully it is a good way to share parts of our lives with friends, and my mother's last illness, death and funeral were all aspects of my life where I needed the support of my friends. Both those I know IRL and those I have never physically met.

This was right for me and my family, and I'm not saying it would be right for everyone.

*max*

Bless you sweetheart. x It must have been a difficult thing tonight, but you managed to go through it in a dignified way, which is more than a lot of people would have been able to.

Please feel free to post here again, you will get support from lovely people who are always happy to listen. Don't try to be superwoman and bottle everything up. You're not alone. Have a peaceful night. xxx

Edited to add: This thread really got to me, probably because today is my late dad's birthday, so I could related a little, and I'm glad you managed to get through the day. You showed more dignity than I could have mastered in the circumstances. x

Georgiegirl256

*max* wrote: »

Edited to add: This thread really got to me, probably because today is my late dad's birthday, so I could related a little, and I'm glad you managed to get through the day. You showed more dignity than I could have mastered in the circumstances. x

Hugs max, and hugs to the OP too x x x

Glad tonight went ok OP.

This thread has really got to me too. My Dad passed away at the end of December. We are scattering his ashes this Sunday.

If someone had done to us what they have done to you, I'd be absolutely livid, and devastated that they could do that to their own family. Personally I don't think excuses can be made for her being from a different country. When you are in a country different to your own, you live by their ways and respect their culture.

So sorry you've had to go through this OP. Hopefully this will be an end to it. X

paddy's_mum

Your sister in law is showing you, and all her Facebook friends, that she has neither class nor kindness.

Her decision to ride rough shod over the distress and grief of another person should be sounding a very loud warning bell to everyone, your brother included.

What a pity that one can't legislate against stupidity.