Photos at funerals and Facebook

jackyann

ProffLucy, don't be afraid of "putting on" your friends for a little while. I had a lovely neighbour who used to talk about "banking" favours & support, whenever anyone said things like that.
She would say that as long as over the long term we all helped each other out roughly the same, it was OK. We should just take when we needed, and give when we can.
Over 40 years, she & I are roughly even!

I personally think it better to be upfront about what you need, than to get yourself in a dreadful state because you won't ask.

This is an awful time for you, you are grieving for your mum as a person, for what she was in your (and your child's life) and for a family that aren't helping you as family should.

I suggest spending a bit of time with your friends, put your family out of your mind for the moment and look after yourself.

RuthnJasper

proffLucy wrote: »

Well I've now fallen out with my whole family over this and I can't understand why they can't at least see or even acknowledge my point of view.


It seems SIL has now taken off the particular pic of me which was really bothering me. But my other brother put pic of us all standing round Dads grave where we had scattered mums ashes....I look awful in the phot...not that I give a hoot what I look like for vanity reasons, I mean you can tell I'm upset, uncomfortable, have been crying and I know how awkward I felt. Because he took it minutes after spreading the ashes, you can actually see mums grey ashes all around the grave. Originally he put it public....so anyone on facebook could see it, not even just his friends is, so I had to pm him to ask him to change it. I didn't go ballistic just asked him to change the settings. And I included a link to a question on Yahoo answers that someone had asked (similar to this thread) and the general response on Yahoo answers was that it was distasteful and disrespectful. He changed the settings but never replied to my message. Hes flying back to where he lives abroad today so I doubt I will see or hear from hi for years now. I noticed some of his friends (who I havent got a clue who they are...just random people) have commented and liked the post. Do I want random strangers looking at my grief and "liking" it....no I don't.


I did send an angry text to my sister saying I didn't feel part of the family anymore and she hasn't replied. My sister in law has been putting loads of those stupid quote/picture things on FB like "people that look for faults in others should spend some time correcting their own" I don't know if this is aimed at me but I have unfollowed her anyway.


I just want it all to end...but I feel like I have been alienated by the family over this when I have done nothing wrong except express my opinion and try to stick up for myself . I am so sad. I feel even more alone now, not that we were a close family to start with.


I don't want to get her profile shut down, I don't want to start WW3.


How do you cope when your family just don't give a toss about you??

Honestly? Stop giving a toss about them. Find solace and familial support in social activities and friends.

I appreciate that this is easier said than done. But, however sorrowful, it is possible; I know from experience.

Stay strong. Judging from your posts you haven't done anything wrong. x

j.e.j.

Mojisola wrote: »

The Victorians were quite keen on photos around death. It was normal for corpses to be dressed and brought to the photographers for photos to be taken with the family or alone as mementos for posterity.

http://io9.com/the-strangest-tradition-of-the-victorian-era-post-mort-472772709

Oh my goodness, that is absolutely macabre.. :eek:

The way they propped the dead bodies up for a photo, almost as though they were still living.

j.e.j.

I didn't think my opinion of FaceBook could get much worse.. until I read this:

pinkteapot wrote: »

This is one of the worst things about Facebook. If you're over 18, you can't have pictures of yourself removed, unless they violate privacy laws in your country of residence. Facebook's view is that the copyright is owned by the person who took the image, and it's up to them what they post.

So basically, anyone can take photos of you and post them online and there's sod-all you can do about it, unless you're rich enough to take out some sort of injunction banning them from doing so.

I don't call that freedom of speech, I'd say that is a complete violation of someone's right to privacy.

proffLucy

I suppose famous people get used to having their photo taken and put in the press or on social media. I was in an awkward position....a lot of the photos were taken without me even knowing. Even the ones where I knew I was having them taken....(I hate having my photo taken at the best of times) but my only other option was to refuse to pose for family photos...which would have made me look even more grumpy and unsociable....which I'm not. Ones of my mums coffin....well...I cant stop someone taking a photo of a coffin. But who the heck wants to see a coffin from 20 different angles?


Anyway if anything good can come out of it I just hope that this thread might spark a bit of debate and maybe make us all think twice and be aware about other peoples feelings and sensitivities when we post stuff online.

rach_k

I'm so sorry for your loss.

If you are planning to delete your mum's Facebook profile, please be aware that when you do that, any message history could disappear too. If you have messaged yourself her photos, make sure you save them to your computer before you delete the profile. It would also be nice if you could warn anybody she has messaged that you will be doing so. I have friends who had long message histories with somebody who died. They were devastated when all the messages disappeared when the Facebook profile was deleted with no warning. I hope it doesn't seem insensitive of me to say this, I just wanted to warn you in case you wanted to save things.

Kaye1

It is totally and utterly ok not to like your family. It really, really is.


Just a quick post but in my personal experience, my life has been immeasurably enhanced by having no contact with some of my family.

mum2one

I just wanted to say I am so sorry, what a awful thing she did xx

Peter333

j.e.j. wrote: »

Oh my goodness, that is absolutely macabre.. :eek:

The way they propped the dead bodies up for a photo, almost as though they were still living.

I utterly agree. :eek: I think I am going to have nightmares now.

OP, I am sorry for your loss too, and your sister's behaviour is atrocious.

She sounds like the type who not only posts wholly inappropriate photos, but also sits there at a meal with family/friends, scrolling through her phone, posting on facebook or twitter 'garlic mushrooms for starters nom nom nom...' Or the type that says 'Ermagerd, I am soooooo frikkin' annoyed, people just make me sooooo mad!' :mad: And when someone asks 'wassup bae,' they say 'can't say on here.' Or the type that puts a pic of herself up saying 'I'm sooooo ugly,' so she can get loads of compliments.

The facebook twit!

I hope you feel OK soon, and your sister's behaviour is truly horrible.

Oh while we're on the subject of facebook, another 'twit' that annoys me, is the type who only talk about one thing. With some, it's constantly talking about their kiddies, for me, it's one person I know for example who is in a Running Group, (Red Lion Runners for example) and literally ALL but 3 of his 68 pics on facebook, are of him running, or him flexing his muscles, or him posing in his running gear. There is ONE of him with his son, (aged 14, from a previous relationship,) and two of him and his current girlfriend.

Even his SON has messaged him on facebook saying 'how about some pics of you that are nothing to do with your running dad? Maybe a few more of me?'

Some people who have a hobby, (or interest,) are obsessed with that hobby, and nothing else matters.

Sounds like the OP's sister is like this. She is obsessed with social media, and to hell with anyone who gets caught in the crossfire.

Brickwall

So sorry to hear of your loss. I lost my mum last year, my heart goes out to you.

As the saying goes, you can choose your friends but not your family.