Photos at funerals and Facebook

Kynthia

Hopefully as the shock of grief fades then communication and understanding will improve between all of your family members.

Please don't delete your mum's Facebook page yet. My sister-in-law adored her father and was devastated when he suddenly passed away very young. She would often message him on Facebook, take comfort from his friends sharing old pictures of him and chatting to his friends occasionally. After a falling out with her sisters one of them deleted his profile. It was awful, she was so upset and had lost all those photos and a place to go to remember him (he was buried abroad). She thankfully got it back but something like that would best be agreed with the close relatives.

Peter333

FWIW, you don't need to delete your mother's facebook; you can simply deactivate it. That way, it won't be permanently gone, and you can reactivate it when you want to.

https://en-gb.facebook.com/help/224562897555674

Primrose

How heartless, insensitive and bad mannered.
I would weite a personal note to your sister in law and tell her how distressed and personslly intrusive you find these ohotos and ask her to remove them.
I truly believe that some people receive no training in basic good manners and in such occasions, unless it is flagged up to them they will never learn any different way of behaving.
Personally i feel Facebook has become the scourge of fhe modern age.

Tuesday_Tenor

Like everyone else responding I find your S-i-L's actions in taking loads of photos of grieving family in private moments and posting them on Facebook dreadfully insensitive. I would be shocked and upset if this happened to me.

You said she's not from the UK. Was it her first experience of a funeral in this country?
I can only assume that
(a) she comes from a culture where they deal with death very differently; lots of public grieving and wailing; lots of filming/photos in which people are expected to look distressed. [This thread has made me aware that I've not felt or expressed the same sensitivity when funerals in other countries are filmed and shown on TV as part of a news item; I wonder how many of those are filmed with 'permission'?]
and
(b) Facebook is an important tool for her for sharing her life in the UK with friends and family back home, and she included 'my first funeral' as another cultural difference that she wanted to share. I had a friend from Asia who was amazed/horrified by churchyard graves, as only cremations are carried out in her culture.

If those assumptions are correct, it gives some understanding of where S-i-L might have been coming from. It is a real shame she wasn't able to discern that a different approach was needed here, and I would be even more cross with your brother for not being able to understand and support the two cultural views, support his sister (OP) in her grief, and advise his wife on what was and wasn't appropriate in this culture.[FONT=&quot][/FONT]

pickledonionspaceraider

I have never heard of people taking pictures of a funeral, and definately not of putting them on facebook! The sister in law is behaving despicably!

How awful

emmaj30

On this occasion your brother should have defended you and told her to take them down out of respect! Its your mother and im sure that its hurt you a lot. Im sorry to hear of your loss
You should give her a call and explain the situation, if shes still unreasonable then write a comment on there under the photo like someone suggested saying that you have asked for these to be taken down!

pinkshoes

I bet she wouldn't like it if you took some inappropriate photos of her.

Next time you see her, perhaps some close ups of spots, wrinkles, vpl etc...

I cannot fathom wanting to take photos at a funeral. Death is about memories of the person when alive, not photos of a coffin and crying people.

meritaten

I am sorry but I cannot agree with 'retaliating' by posting photos of her. I am sure she didn't post the photos to spite the OP. she has a different mindset - and she DID take down the one the OP asked her to.
its a shame its caused a rift - but family rifts after funerals are far too common. everyones emotions are close to the surface and even the smallest thing is taken out of all proportion.
She probably doesn't even understand WHY you feel so upset proff. don't try explaining right now - let things calm down and then say why.
and does effbook really matter? do you HAVE to look at her page? I have managed quite happily for about 3 years now after divorcing effbook. even though everyone (my kids, their spouses, grandkids etc) is on it. they know I ignore its existence. if they want me to know something, or see something, they can do it the oldfashioned way - send it text or email!

pebbles88

Hi op.... I thought of this earlier that may be of interest for maybe some of the messages on your mums Facebook account.

https://memeoirs.com

X

mellymoo74

That a lovely thought pebbles.

I might sort something like that out for OH