Photos at funerals and Facebook

pebbles88

mellymoo74 wrote: »

That a lovely thought pebbles.

I might sort something like that out for OH

Thankyou melly

I came across them a few months back. They do actual books & a PDFs version, so you can go as cheap or as expensive as you like. I know I would have treasured something like that when my mum passed. But God bless her gorgeous fluffy socks.... We only managed to get her using a very basic mobile phone during her last 2 yrs..... My nerves wouldn't have coped trying to teach her texting or messaging.....:p

Wouldn't have changed her for the world though. X

pimento

proffLucy wrote: »

Well I've just found out that my other brother filmed the whole funeral! I didn't realise he was doing that.....apparently he has sent it to relatives in Australia...but thank god he must have done that privately. I only knowbecause there is another message on facebook from my uncle in Aus thanking my brother for doing it. So its no wonder brother number 2 isn't fussed about the photographs if he thought it was appropriate to film it :eek:

I know my sister in law and my eldest brother also took pictures and film of my mum on the day that she was dying. I thought at the time this was very disrespectful too as mum wasn't even aware what was going on around her. Thank God they haven't put that on facebook.

I know I'm angry and hurt and irrational. And I'm probably directing my anger at my SIL.

I had a DVD made of my husband's funeral last July. I also had it streamed live onto the internet because most of his relatives were in New Zealand (he was a Kiwi) and wouldn't have been able to attend. I have watched the DVD a couple of times since. Most crematoriums offer the service and it is done discretely.

I probably wouldn't post it on Facebook, though.

fairy_lights

meritaten wrote: »

and does effbook really matter? do you HAVE to look at her page?

I think part of the problem is that even if OP doesn't look at her SIL's page and ignores the photos, they have still be posted in a 'public' space and a private moment is still visible to other people. Posting photos on facebook is kind of the modern day equivalent of sticking a poster on a lamppost, but longer lasting.

liverpoolpictorial

Sorry for your loss. My wife's family posted images of their father in an open casket and posted them to Facebook! I was shocked, but didn't feel it was right to kick up a fuss, because I was an in law and it may have been cultural, as it was abroad.

System

liverpoolpictorial wrote: »

Sorry for your loss. My wife's family posted images of their father in an open casket and posted them to Facebook! I was shocked, but didn't feel it was right to kick up a fuss, because I was an in law and it may have been cultural, as it was abroad.

Oh dear.

I actually went to the funeral of a stillborn baby once. The picture on the order of service was that stillborn baby. It shocked me, I didn't really want to see it but looked at it as the Parents were still in love with the child they had created and wanted to express it with the closest people to them. Dead or not, they were proud.

Nope I still cant why they felt they had to do it but I am me and they aren't me. Their child, their loss.

coolcait

Judi wrote: »

Oh dear.

I actually went to the funeral of a stillborn baby once. The picture on the order of service was that stillborn baby. It shocked me, I didn't really want to see it but looked at it as the Parents were still in love with the child they had created and wanted to express it with the closest people to them. Dead or not, they were proud.

Nope I still cant why they felt they had to do it but I am me and they aren't me. Their child, their loss.

Locally, it seems to be very common to have a photo of the deceased on the funeral order of service. Usually it's a treasured family photo of the person in their prime - often a wedding photo. It's a fond reminder of the, once living and breathing, person who's being remembered in the funeral.


If you're the parent of a stillborn child, you never have the chance to take a photo of your child living and breathing. You may still have a treasured family photo of the child who's being remembered in the funeral. From that point of view, it makes perfect sense to have the photo on the order of service.


All that said, I do see 'order of service' photos as being very different from someone taking snapshots - lots of snapshots - of other people at a funeral, and posting those snapshots on Facebook. That does seem wrong to me.

heartbreak_star

We had a photo of my Dad on some little laminated wallet cards with a poem on, and Nan's name and her favourite Bible quote on hers.

I thought they were a lovely idea and wish we had had a suitable picture of Nan for hers.

HBS x

Georgiegirl256

heartbreak_star wrote: »

We had a photo of my Dad on some little laminated wallet cards with a poem on, and Nan's name and her favourite Bible quote on hers.

I thought they were a lovely idea and wish we had had a suitable picture of Nan for hers.

HBS x

We had some of those for my Dad too. My Mam didn't even know we were getting them, but they are a lovely thing to keep.

marmiterulesok

Primrose wrote: »

How heartless, insensitive and bad mannered.
I would weite a personal note to your sister in law and tell her how distressed and personslly intrusive you find these ohotos and ask her to remove them.
I truly believe that some people receive no training in basic good manners and in such occasions, unless it is flagged up to them they will never learn any different way of behaving.
Personally i feel Facebook has become the scourge of fhe modern age.

I agree with everything you've written.

I'm sorry for you,OP,for having to deal with this,on top of your grief.

Lily-Rose_3

Judi wrote: »

Oh dear.

I actually went to the funeral of a stillborn baby once. The picture on the order of service was that stillborn baby. It shocked me, I didn't really want to see it but looked at it as the Parents were still in love with the child they had created and wanted to express it with the closest people to them. Dead or not, they were proud.

Nope I still cant why they felt they had to do it but I am me and they aren't me. Their child, their loss.

I can see why you (or anyone else) may think this is a little odd, and I have (THANK GOD) never had to suffer the heartbreak of a stillborn baby. However, I can definitely see why people would want to take a picture, (or maybe a few.) I think people would regret it massively if they didn't take a few pictures of the baby; them holding him/her, and a few of the baby on its own. I mean, you would not be able to turn back time, and if you let the baby go, and had him/her buried or cremated, it would be too late then to have any pictures taken.

I think you are far more likely to regret NOT taking some pictures, than you are to regret taking some. Doesn't seem odd to me at all. I can see that others may think it a bit odd - macabre even - but to me, it seems fine.

coolcait wrote: »

Locally, it seems to be very common to have a photo of the deceased on the funeral order of service. Usually it's a treasured family photo of the person in their prime - often a wedding photo. It's a fond reminder of the, once living and breathing, person who's being remembered in the funeral.

If you're the parent of a stillborn child, you never have the chance to take a photo of your child living and breathing. You may still have a treasured family photo of the child who's being remembered in the funeral. From that point of view, it makes perfect sense to have the photo on the order of service.

Agree with this post by Coolcait :T