Photos at funerals and Facebook

pmlindyloo

proffLucy wrote: »

Thank you all. It actually makes me feel a bit better to know that people agree with me that its just wrong....so thank you x

I have just come to the conclusion that my siblings are the ones that are weird. My oldest brother (who's wife took the photos) is now angry with me because he probably thinks I'm being a prima donna.

My other brother isn't bothered...

and my sister thins its wrong but she just wants to keep the peace and not fall out with older brother.

I will go the the ashes scattering tonight but I wont feel comfortable, even if no photos are taken.

I think this is a very sensible attitude (sorry, don't mean to sound patronising )

I am afraid that you may be fighting a losing battle. When it comes to Facebook obsession people seem to lose all sense of perspective/respect/privacy.

If the subject comes up then just say calmly that, for you, it was a completely private moment and not to be shared with people you did not know. End of conversation. Retain your dignity and your memories of your mum. No one can take those away from you.

comeandgo

If those who have replied to you OP are agreeing with you, then I'd imagine most of the people viewing the Facebook photos will too. They will be thinking your SIL is insensitive and crass.

Bean83

AmyTurtle wrote: »

That's appalling behaviour, and I'm mystified that the rest of your family don't agree.

^^Took the words right out of my mouth!

Someone I know once posted pictures of a wake we were attending on Facebook - there weren't any pictures of the mourners but I was still absolutely horrified and have not forgiven them for it. Even worse, they were actually posted whilst the wake was taking place. I will never understand what makes people so insensitive and am incensed on your behalf. Perhaps when things are less raw you could write a letter to your bro/SIL explaining why you found this so hurtful in the hope that they will see sense.

marleyboy

I cant help but feel there is something morbid about taking photos at a funeral, a truly sombre and private moment. As for putting them on Facebook, I imagine nobody clicking LIKE and many friends wondering why anyone would do that.

I liken it to those that witness a close friend suffering a fatal accident, then rushing to get their phones out, but only to take photos of the event, feeling its in their friends interests to print them out and post them on the surrounding lamp posts, as well as those around the victims neighbourhood.

proffLucy

I dont really know that well how Facebook works...I only post things occasionally and I've only got 10 friends myself!

I was thinking of commenting on the picture that upsets me the most (the one of me) but wont that put it on my page?? I was wanting to say can you take this picture off.

jackyann

I agree about the lack of sensitivity.

However, can I say to those who have said that they have never heard of photos being taken at a funeral: I have been at funerals where photos have been taken.
When done in a proper, respectful manner, of course with full permission, there is a value in them. They can be shown to those too ill or frail or too far away to attend; or they can show family members gathered together at some favourite spot, and can be a great comfort.

I am afraid that I have seen other, horribly disrespectful things on FB that have upset me. It is as if it is a parallel universe.

I rather agree at the moment with letting it lie and keeping your dignity. Don't let it get in the way of your grieving. It may be helpful to think about what your mother would want, or even to talk to her close friends & relatives.

I do hope that you can find a way through this; my thoughts are with you.

shoe*diva79

I am gobsmacked at the lack of compassion and decorum of your SIL. You have every right to be upset. Can you contact her directly - she might not realise how upset you are and your brother might not mention anything to her?

Georgiegirl256

100's of photos? Damn right she's obsessed! Obsessed is not the only thing she is....sick, twisted, warped, disrespectful, I could go on. :mad:

I think it's not only disrespectful to your Mum, but to you and your whole family. You should make it known you are not happy and want the photos removed straight away and if they're not then you won't be leaving it at that.

As tea says, I'm also fuming on your behalf. :mad:

pmlindyloo

proffLucy wrote: »

I dont really know that well how Facebook works...I only post things occasionally and I've only got 10 friends myself!

I was thinking of commenting on the picture that upsets me the most (the one of me) but wont that put it on my page?? I was wanting to say can you take this picture off.

Personally I would not be putting anything anywhere on Facebook.

Adding comments will, no doubt, invite others to comment and before you know it things spiral out of control.

Ignoring it is the best way forward. After all if you post anything it suggests that you condone the use of Facebook for personal and private matters. Do you?

I would also close my account. That will say it all.

Tigsteroonie

If you cannot get the photos removed (and reading FB's policy, it may seem that way) then un-tag yourself (if she has tagged) you and maybe unfriend her completely. At least then you don't have to see the photos.

But do go to the ashes scattering - don't let SIL win. Deal with the photos afterwards.