How much to give as wedding present?

purpleshoes_2

jaylee3 wrote: »

There is something altogether backward about all this. They are paying for a wedding (possibly costing many 1000s) and yet they want money for their bloomin' honeymoon!

Makes no sense.

If you're so broke that you can't afford a honeymoon, then why have a wedding with (possibly) 100s of people at possibly £35 to £50 a head? Just save the money, and have a much smaller wedding (with just a dozen or so people, and a pub lunch for the reception!) THEN you will be able to afford your honeymoon without asking for money off people!

It's not rocket science is it?

And frankly I think it's a cheek to ask for money.

If you have everything you need for your house, and don't NEED anything, then send your invitations out with 'no presents required.' To get married and ask for money is really rude and cheeky and presumptious IMO.

Would I give a voucher or money to a couple if they didn't need anything bought for their home? Yes. Would I give money to a couple specifically so they could go their honeymoon? No.

I understand that some weddings are big affairs, however, if a couple have had to spend a lot on a wedding and the honeymoon is proving a problem due to lack of funds, go for a weekend away or postpone it until you have the cash.

Id like to go to many places abroad but I can't afford it which means I either go somewhere cheaper or save until I can manage it.

Seriously, some of the threads on the weddings and anniversaries board actually scare me at times. Since when did people get so entitled? Even 25 years ago when many of my friends got married (and some ended up being married more than once), most were living together but were happy with a gift or a voucher. Times havent changed that much as far as Im concerned, I think whats changed is that too many people think their guests are going to help recoup what they've spent on their wedding.

If close friends and family are happy to give cash to get the bride and groom to their honeymoon fair enough, but if you are having a bigger wedding, don't assume that every guest will be happy to help pay for your honeymoon, many people won't be.

stir_crazy

We didn't have anything on our invitations, but if anyone asked and insisted on geting something then we asked for vouchers to do up our home. In the main, people gave us money.

I think we gave £50 for wedding gifts. We have contributed to two honeymoons out of the 7 or 8 weddings we've been to. The only exception was my best friend who had been my bridesmaid and we gave her £100. We'll give this amount to my brothers too, if they ever get married.

Pollycat

JustStartingOut wrote: »

I personally find some of the comments rude and uncalled for. I don't mind an opinion, but respect my opinion too. Don't say things like family don't care enough or know me well enough to just give money.
ALL my family have asked what I want and it has been money gifts with the majority of my cousins too. We are close enough and know me well enough to ask, and they say they would like the idea of me adding a poem when I send out the invitations. And I have always thought it cheesy having a gift list because you can see what others have bought in some cases. And it doesn't seem to be an issue giving money for birthdays/Christmas, or for other cultures to give money, so why not weddings in the UK as was also mentioned in the posts?

Also to say have a cheap wedding so couples can afford a honeymoon is very presumptuous. I am having a small wedding, out of season considering we both have large families, and am cutting costs where I can, (such as buying my dress for £120 from china instead of paying £800 + in the shops) and would love to be able to have a lovely honeymoon which I otherwise couldn't afford. I haven't even booked it yet, and will be having it many months after the wedding so I can save as much as possible and get a honeymoon depending on the funds available.

I think giving over £50 for a gift is a lot. Also getting some off friends/family to give me their time/services instead of money such as the cake and photography.

I think the bit I've marked in bold is the key thing.
But to just send an invitation out asking for money towards the honeymoon when guests haven't asked what the 'happy couple' would like as a gift is - imho - very rude and presumptuous.

Buzzybee90

Pollycat wrote: »

I think the bit I've marked in bold is the key thing.
But to just send an invitation out asking for money towards the honeymoon when guests haven't asked what the 'happy couple' would like as a gift is - imho - very rude and presumptuous.

Quite, but it's really no different to handing out a gift list which I also dislike.

I think you should have a list but only give it to people if they request it.

Pollycat

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Quite, but it's really no different to handing out a gift list which I also dislike.

I think you should have a list but only give it to people if they request it.

Of course.
Just as you should only tell people you want money if they ask you what you want as a wedding gift.

jaylee3

JustStartingOut wrote: »

I personally find some of the comments rude and uncalled for. I don't mind an opinion, but respect my opinion too. Don't say things like family don't care enough or know me well enough to just give money.
ALL my family have asked what I want and it has been money gifts with the majority of my cousins too. We are close enough and know me well enough to ask, and they say they would like the idea of me adding a poem when I send out the invitations. And I have always thought it cheesy having a gift list because you can see what others have bought in some cases. And it doesn't seem to be an issue giving money for birthdays/Christmas, or for other cultures to give money, so why not weddings in the UK as was also mentioned in the posts?

Also to say have a cheap wedding so couples can afford a honeymoon is very presumptuous. I am having a small wedding, out of season considering we both have large families, and am cutting costs where I can, (such as buying my dress for £120 from china instead of paying £800 + in the shops)and would love to be able to have a lovely honeymoon which I otherwise couldn't afford. I haven't even booked it yet, and will be having it many months after the wedding so I can save as much as possible and get a honeymoon depending on the funds available.

I think giving over £50 for a gift is a lot. Also getting some off friends/family to give me their time/services instead of money such as the cake and photography.

I'm afraid you are in the wrong place if you don't want people to have an opinion. You're on a public message forum, opinions have been asked for, and opinions have been given. Just because you don't like people's opinions, that does not make them 'wrong' or 'rude' and 'uncalled for.'

The only comment that I think is rude, is to suggest that people who give money don't care enough, to bother looking for a gift, but I never said it. And I stand by my opinion - if you're short of cash why spend the money on a wedding with obviously dozens of guests, and then expect money off those guests to fund your honeymoon. It's a cheek IMO.

Buzzybee90

Pollycat wrote: »

Of course.
Just as you should only tell people you want money if they ask you what you want as a wedding gift.

Yes.

Those poems make my toes curl.

purpleshoes_2

Its possible to get a cheap week somewhere for £300-400 plus flights, all inclusive. Im aware that when people get married a lot of places make money from them, ie a wedding meal will cost a lot more than if you were just having a meal at a hotel (Im sure not everywhere but it clearly happens as venues want to make profit).

A honeymoon doesn't need to be extravagant, just needs to be a holiday. Ive known a few people get married lately and they've not been able to get the time off work to get away straight away so have gone for a few days abroad and a bigger holiday later.

My point is, surely if you can spend thousands on a wedding, Im assuming that the post where the bride has asked for money, the wedding is costing thousands, you can save a few hundred pounds more for a holiday?

If people don't earn a fortune which many people don't, then why on earth have a wedding that costs a decent amount of money if it leaves you too broke to go on honeymoon?

jaylee3

purpleshoes wrote: »

Its possible to get a cheap week somewhere for £300-400 plus flights, all inclusive. Im aware that when people get married a lot of places make money from them, ie a wedding meal will cost a lot more than if you were just having a meal at a hotel (Im sure not everywhere but it clearly happens as venues want to make profit).

A honeymoon doesn't need to be extravagant, just needs to be a holiday. Ive known a few people get married lately and they've not been able to get the time off work to get away straight away so have gone for a few days abroad and a bigger holiday later.

My point is, surely if you can spend thousands on a wedding, Im assuming that the post where the bride has asked for money, the wedding is costing thousands, you can save a few hundred pounds more for a holiday?

If people don't earn a fortune which many people don't, then why on earth have a wedding that costs a decent amount of money if it leaves you too broke to go on honeymoon?

Exactly what I was saying!

But you put it so much better than I could.

nightsky224

I have to say the money thing is such a hard one.
When me and my OH got married I wanted to say no gifts please just your presence :-) That's truly what we wanted, people to come and celebrate with us, for some it was quite a journey so many would have hotels etc to pay out for already.

However before the invites went out people kept asking, who's your list with, do you want money/gifts etc and when said that we didn't want gifts people kept saying we can't not get you anything, we will buy you something anyway it may be what you want....

As our house is in development (a wreck) we didn't want house gifts as the type of things we needed were plasterers, bathroom suite, flooring etc etc so we put a line cant remember what it said but gifts not needed, presence more important but if people did want to give us something then money for the honeymoon.

Most people gave us money that we spent on our honeymoon, amazing meals, helicopter rides etc others gave handmade or personalised gifts, champagne, beautiful cards and messages

Organising a wedding is so difficult and hard not to offend. I think that £100 + A nice bottle of fizz would be a lovely gift