How much to give as wedding present?

purpleshoes_2

jaylee3 wrote: »

Exactly what I was saying!

But you put it so much better than I could.

I actually cant ever remember going to any wedding where any friend of mine was getting married, or an engagement party where there was any faff or fuss at all. I know some people do have wish lists for weddings but I dont think any of my friends did. Most of my friends were living together well before they got married. The first wedding I went to as a guest was I think in 1988, the last one I went to was around 10 years ago. Ive been to quite a few weddings as most of my friends got married around the same time. You just turned up with a present and I cant recall anyone being ungrateful whether someone spent £20 or £100.

Its all very well people saying, give this or give that, but what if you don't have it? Even when I earned a lot more than I do now, I still wouldnt have the spare funds to go to a wedding with £100 without it doing some damage to my bank balance (Im single, so I don't have two incomes coming into the house).

Plus, I know there have been a few discussions about whether engagement parties/presents are the done thing these days, but every single person I knew who got married had an engagement party and people took presents along to them. A hen night (probably not the kind of affairs many people have now, but still money being spent) and then the wedding itself.

What people spend on their weddings is entirely up to them and there are so many things to take into consideration, but getting married doesn't cost thousands of pounds and if you are so skint that you can't afford a honeymoon, the only people Id think it would be ok to ask for a donation towards that would be close friends and close family. Otherwise it does look cheeky I think, Id be happier if someone said, we don't need gifts, a voucher or money is welcome, but to give someone money so they can jet off for a couple of weeks in the sun:rotfl:

I don't think so. The phrase cutting your cloth to suit your coat comes to mine.

purpleshoes_2

If I ever got married, Id be happy if people turned up to celebrate it with me with a bottle of cava. Its about the celebration, it shouldn't be about the gifts people bring or don't bring.

Georgiegirl256

Buzzybee90 wrote: »

Quite, but it's really no different to handing out a gift list which I also dislike.

I think you should have a list but only give it to people if they request it.

This I agree with. People shouldn't assume that everyone actually does want (or for that matter can afford) to get them a gift.

If people ask and you'd prefer money, then fair enough, just don't put in a note or sickly poem requesting it. Same goes for gifts.

nightsky224

purpleshoes wrote: »

Its possible to get a cheap week somewhere for £300-400 plus flights, all inclusive. Im aware that when people get married a lot of places make money from them, ie a wedding meal will cost a lot more than if you were just having a meal at a hotel (Im sure not everywhere but it clearly happens as venues want to make profit).

A honeymoon doesn't need to be extravagant, just needs to be a holiday. Ive known a few people get married lately and they've not been able to get the time off work to get away straight away so have gone for a few days abroad and a bigger holiday later.

My point is, surely if you can spend thousands on a wedding, Im assuming that the post where the bride has asked for money, the wedding is costing thousands, you can save a few hundred pounds more for a holiday?

If people don't earn a fortune which many people don't, then why on earth have a wedding that costs a decent amount of money if it leaves you too broke to go on honeymoon?

i don't really think people are saying pay for our honeymoon because we are broke. Could you not say the same thing about a gift list. Why not have a smaller wedding and pay for your own towels/crockery (and don't buy from john Lewis buy from wilkos)

mrcow

I don't mind people asking for money if that's what they want - it's those awful poems that drive down round the twist though. Really tacky. If you want to ask for money, just be normal

purpleshoes_2

nightsky224 wrote: »

i don't really think people are saying pay for our honeymoon because we are broke. Could you not say the same thing about a gift list. Why not have a smaller wedding and pay for your own towels/crockery (and don't buy from john Lewis buy from wilkos)

So why is the bride asking for donations towards her honeymoon? I've never been to a wedding with a gift list as I explained above.

Surely if you are getting married you budget for your honeymoon, because if the donations fall short what then?

Weekend in Rhyl?

purpleshoes_2

mrcow wrote: »

I don't mind people asking for money if that's what they want - it's those awful poems that drive down round the twist though. Really tacky. If you want to ask for money, just be normal

I've obviously missed all this, my friends got married before folk turned bridezilla. Or naff

Errata

purpleshoes wrote: »

I've obviously missed all this, my friends got married before folk turned bridezilla. Or naff

Or chav;).......

dirty_magic

I don't mind being asked for money, I'd give money anyway. I wouldn't buy a gift for a wedding, they'd just end up with 30 towels and 50 photo frames!

I can't believe how much some people give though! £40 is what we usually give. The problem is none of the weddings we've been to have been local. You end up spending £90 on a hotel room and £150 each on hen/stag dos (because everyone has weekends away now). It gets expensive when you're at that age when everyone starts getting married. We've been to 3 weddings and we've got another 4 coming up! I can't afford to give £100 for a gift for all of them!

If I got married I wouldn't mention gifts or money at all on the invite. I don't mind being asked for money, but I really hate wedding lists. I just think they're really cheeky, especially when everything on it is really expensive! I agree with jaylee that it's twisted logic to spend thousands on a wedding and then ask for money, but I suppose a lot of times the parents pay a fair chunk of the wedding.

fierystormcloud

dirty_magic wrote: »

I don't mind being asked for money, I'd give money anyway. I wouldn't buy a gift for a wedding, they'd just end up with 30 towels and 50 photo frames!

I can't believe how much some people give though! £40 is what we usually give. The problem is none of the weddings we've been to have been local. You end up spending £90 on a hotel room and £150 each on hen/stag dos (because everyone has weekends away now). It gets expensive when you're at that age when everyone starts getting married. We've been to 3 weddings and we've got another 4 coming up! I can't afford to give £100 for a gift for all of them!

If I got married I wouldn't mention gifts or money at all on the invite. I don't mind being asked for money, but I really hate wedding lists. I just think they're really cheeky, especially when everything on it is really expensive! I agree with jaylee that it's twisted logic to spend thousands on a wedding and then ask for money, but I suppose a lot of times the parents pay a fair chunk of the wedding.

Agree with the above. I think £100 is an absurd amount for a cousin. I only gave £25 to my last cousin about 3 years ago. Also, I am so sick and tired now of people having weddings 100s of miles away, and having hen do's that last all weekend and cost 100s of pounds. And if you don't go, they get offended.

Some 2 decades ago, as purpleshoes said, it was unheard of to have a weekend away for a hen do; you would have a night in the pub - the week before - and then that would be it.

Not so familiar with engagement parties as purpleshoes mentioned earlier, but with the people I know (family/friends/colleagues) if someone gets engaged, we have gone out for a few bevvies with them or a meal (maybe 8 to 15 people,) and split the bill equally. And the happy couple may go on a romantic weekend together to celebrate.

Also, everyone I knew - pre 2000s - had their wedding within 5 miles of where they lived. Also, all virtually their family and friends lived nearby too. These days, people have it miles away; sometimes abroad! Making it difficult and expensive for people to attend. And then you have to fork out for a gift (or cash!) too!

In addition, they have wedding planners, and wedding lists (with rather pricey gifts!) and often the cost of the wedding runs into 20 odd thousand or more, and it takes 10 years to pay off the bill (or 10 years to save for it!)

I have actually known a number of people (including me) who have turned down invitations to weddings because of the cost involved in attending the hen do, and the wedding, and the cost expected for a gift. Unless it was a sibling or a niece I would not go.

And although I think it's cheeky to ask for money (esp on the invitation!) I think it's ok - if people ask what you want - to say 'well we don't need anything, so would prefer cash, if that's OK, but it's not mandatory!' I would then accept all the envelopes with the cash in, and not count the individual amounts in front of everyone.

It does make sense to have cash, if you don't need anything, but to ask for it to pay for your honeymoon is a new one on me!