How much to give as wedding present?

shiny76

We had been living together for a while before we got married. So we mentioned on our invitation that all we wanted was for people to enjoy the day but if people wanted to give us a gift then we'd appreciate them donating to our chosen charity.

Some people generously donated to the justgiving site, others felt they wanted to buy us something of their choosing. We appreciated the thought either way.

Then there was my eldest sister who didn't want to donate to the charity but get us something more personal...

... 4 years later she must be putting a LOT of thought into it

January20

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

For some reason that I don't fully understand myself, I don't like people dictating to me that they want money as a wedding gift.

So when my own sister did this for her wedding, disguised as 'you can buy us a meal out on our honeymoon for £25', 'a night in our honeymoon hotel for £50' etc etc, I bought her a gift. It was purchased thoughtfully, physically small and sentimental; whether she really appreciated it or not I have no idea, but I just hate the way people think it's okay to do this nowadays. It's not; I find it very rude.

If you have decided to give money, then I'd say £100-£150 off the top of my head, on the basis that presumably this is your husband's sister (so I'd say the same if it was your sister.)

I don't like the wording of your sister's wedding invitation but the last part of what I put in bold: I think this is so sad! When I buy a present for somebody, I like to think, that they will enjoy it, make use of it, it will make them happy etc. You bought your sister a present because you didn't want to give her money but you don't care whether she appreciated it or not? Is that what you're saying? If this is the case, isn't it just a waste of your money? It's difficult for me to understand how someone would do this just to prove a point, because that's what it is: proving a point. I would have put the same amount of money I was going to spend in an envelope and that would be it. I wouldn't see it as anybody dictating to me!

I would give money or a gift as requested and wouldn't be shocked by either at all. I would never go to a wedding empty handed as I would think it so rude! But I am shocked by the sums of money people are suggesting! upwards of £100- £120 :eek: I'm obviously very tight!

dirty_magic

mgdavid wrote: »

beg to differ, there's everything wrong with it. It completely demeans the whole event and process. But for as long as there are people stupid enough or weak enough to do what they think is expected rather than make their own mind up and plough their own furrow then the commercial world will see them as targets.

I don't think having a photo booth so you can have a wedding album full of pictures and messages from your friends and family demeans the event at all, it's a nice memento from the day! It is getting a bit overdone though.

Torry_Quine

I've said before that any request for gifts or money with the invitation is just rude and if someone did that to me they wouldn't get it.

You should gratefully accept whatever you are given and only if someone asks is it alright to request a preference.

The sums of money mentioned here are very large to some and that's one of the problems of giving money as there is no anonymity as to what was spent.

Sorry but if a wedding would need overnight travel then I wont be going and new outfits are not needed either.

The most important thing is the marriage ceremony not making guests feel uncomfortable.

pickledonionspaceraider

January20 wrote: »

I don't like the wording of your sister's wedding invitation but the last part of what I put in bold: I think this is so sad! When I buy a present for somebody, I like to think, that they will enjoy it, make use of it, it will make them happy etc. You bought your sister a present because you didn't want to give her money but you don't care whether she appreciated it or not? Is that what you're saying? If this is the case, isn't it just a waste of your money? It's difficult for me to understand how someone would do this just to prove a point, because that's what it is: proving a point. I would have put the same amount of money I was going to spend in an envelope and that would be it. I wouldn't see it as anybody dictating to me!

I would give money or a gift as requested and wouldn't be shocked by either at all. I would never go to a wedding empty handed as I would think it so rude! But I am shocked by the sums of money people are suggesting! upwards of £100- £120 :eek: I'm obviously very tight!

I have to agree with you on this one. To actually go to MORE effort to give them something they have specifically asked to not receive, doesn't actually come across as very well meaning. It is not like they were suggesting great amounts, £25 for a meal on a honeymoon...

How is asking for cash, any more dictator - like, than say, a wedding gift registry at a shop?

Georgiegirl256

As much as I hate requests for money and cutesy poems, I also think it's wrong and abit of a waste of money getting something just to prove a point that more than likely won't be used or might not be to a persons taste.

jaylee3

JustStartingOut wrote: »

Like I had said I don't mind opinions, but would appreciate mine to be respected too and not to assume things about a couple's wedding. Jaylee I did not say your comment is rude, I said it is presumptuous, in my opinion.

The weddings I have been to have always asked for something whether it be cash or gifts. To me the wedding is more important than the honeymoon, and if you were asked for money wouldn't you want to know what it is being spent towards? One person has already told me she cannot afford to give me much and to be honest I don't care, I know her situation and told her not to worry about it.

It is the 21st century and people do ask for money towards the honeymoon, it is not something that I just plucked out of thin air. I spent a lot of time on the web thinking about the way to ask for a cash gift, and finding out what the etiquette is on this subject.
I think asking for towels and pots and pans is very old fashioned, and is no different than asking for cash. If there is a gift list then other guests will know whether you have spent £2, or £200 which could be embarrassing in some peoples eyes.

I think you need to accept that just because an opinion does not coincide with yours, it does not make it presumptuous or rude.

And as purple shoes said, people are not going to 'respect your opinions' if they disagree with them, and especially not if you don't respect theirs!

All I have seen so far is you singling out MY views and opinions, by mentioning ME by name in your responses, and frankly if you don't like my opinions, then I suggest you ignore them, because I am not going to sugar coat my opinions to appease someone who cannot deal with people having opinions they don't like!

And my opinion is that it is WRONG WRONG WRONG to ask for money for your honeymoon! If you can't afford a honeymoon, how on earth can you afford your wedding?!

Further to what purple shoes said; there are far too many precious 'special snowflakes' acting like utter divas these days, and acting like total bridezillas when people don't sing to their tune, and things do not go their way!

purpleshoes_2

Lmao at special snowflakes.

jaylee3

purpleshoes wrote: »

Lmao at special snowflakes.

:D:beer:

Old_Git

give enough to cover the cost of your meals at the reception .