How much to give as wedding present?

Errata

19lottie82 wrote: »

I'm sorry, and it's only my opinion, but there's nothing more cringey than a poem asking for money. Just the thought of it makes my toes curl (again, sorry).

Me too, they remind me of the 'poems' (which are doggerel) in the In Remembrance column in the local rag.

Pollycat

southoftheriver wrote: »

I too don't get why people get their knickers in a twist about giving money in exchange of a gift. It's not necessarily costing you any more, and times have changed. Being obstinate and buying an item when you have no idea whether or not it will be used seems wasteful.

I'm getting married in September and I don't mind if people give us anything. I haven't made a gift list yet (may do) and definitely haven't asked for money. I am inviting people because I want to share the day with them and it isn't dependent on giving gifts or money. However if I had everything I needed it would seems silly to make a list of material items. Experiences (like a honeymoon) can be much more significant than a chopping board.

I don't think posters are getting their knickers in a twist.

Someone saying that they don't think it's appropriate is just an opinion, just the same as you saying that you think it's fine is an opinion.

InsideInsurance

We asked for people not to give gifts at our wedding, as like others we'd lived together for some time. A few did ask if we wanted a contribution to our honeymoon or such and we declined those too, those that were really insistent on giving something we suggested making a donation to a charity we support.

Unfortunately that didnt stop the vast majority from deciding they wanted to give something anyway and we ended up with a fair amount of stuff that we never used/ wanted (most went to various charity shops), and cheques/ gift cards - which again were reasigned.


How much to give is a very personal thing both in terms of affordability and your desire to give things. I was surprised the other day that a group of the guys in the office agreed to pay £175 each into the wedding present for one of the lasses but they've all known each other for over a decade, see each other socially, go on holidays together etc. On the whipround that went round the office for the team gift to her most were putting £5-£10 in.

Whilst you are saying SiL this is presumably your hubby's sister? Given its a gift from the both of you the "in law" aspect is a bit of a red herring.

southoftheriver

Pollycat wrote: »

I don't think posters are getting their knickers in a twist.

Someone saying that they don't think it's appropriate is just an opinion, just the same as you saying that you think it's fine is an opinion.

Well I think some of the reactions are over the top hence knickers in a twist. Of course it's my opinion, I never stated it as fact. We can agree to disagree.

Scrapaholic

We'd give £100 to close friends or family but just give what you can . If you gave £50 would they come up to you later and say something like , hey , you only gave us £50 , we expected at least £100 !
I remember years ago when people started making wedding lists and you could tick off what you'd buy . They'd know how much you'd spent on them but at least they didn't get duplicates . Times have changed and we just accept it . The post about asking for £50 minimum would be a definite way to make their guests feel disgruntled !

Pollycat

southoftheriver wrote: »

Well I think some of the reactions are over the top hence knickers in a twist. Of course it's my opinion, I never stated it as fact. We can agree to disagree.

I think saying posters are getting their knickers in a twist is 'over the top' i.e. an exaggeration but Hey! Ho!

piglet25

Wait until you get an invitation like my partners sibling sent - complete with menu and instructions on how to pay the deposit for the meal ( rest to be paid in cash on the day ) plus a request for money as a gift. That is the only wedding I have not attended, and the reason I didn't go was the pure cheek and greed of them. It was also the bride to be's 40th birthday on that day and she had sent her own list of gifts she would like :O
They got zilch of us.

JustStartingOut

I personally find some of the comments rude and uncalled for. I don't mind an opinion, but respect my opinion too. Don't say things like family don't care enough or know me well enough to just give money.
ALL my family have asked what I want and it has been money gifts with the majority of my cousins too. We are close enough and know me well enough to ask, and they say they would like the idea of me adding a poem when I send out the invitations. And I have always thought it cheesy having a gift list because you can see what others have bought in some cases. And it doesn't seem to be an issue giving money for birthdays/Christmas, or for other cultures to give money, so why not weddings in the UK as was also mentioned in the posts?

Also to say have a cheap wedding so couples can afford a honeymoon is very presumptuous. I am having a small wedding, out of season considering we both have large families, and am cutting costs where I can, (such as buying my dress for £120 from china instead of paying £800 + in the shops) and would love to be able to have a lovely honeymoon which I otherwise couldn't afford. I haven't even booked it yet, and will be having it many months after the wedding so I can save as much as possible and get a honeymoon depending on the funds available.

I think giving over £50 for a gift is a lot. Also getting some off friends/family to give me their time/services instead of money such as the cake and photography.

JP08

We never put anything about gifts etc on our wedding invites. Quite a few people then asked what we wanted (which quite frankly was minimal as we'd moved in together three years earlier and it's decidedly a mid life marriage !).

Suggestion was either John Lewis or B&Q vouchers - the latter being the run to for all sorts of house and garden related stuff, being within 1/2 mile of the house.

Actually ended up with what was quite an upsetting amount (not really used to accepting stuff from others) which actually took a couple of years to get through, as we sort of felt beholden to spend them on "something special".

What I have heard suggested is that, if you are giving money, you at least match what you are accepting from them on the day ... whether it's a gourmet meal and unrationed champers or ham rolls and a free vino from the bar *

* the ham roll one being probably the second best wedding I've ever been invited to, pipped to the post by one in France that was seriously good food interspersed with guests doing impromptu performances throughout the meal (a fine French tradition, that with an English twist, ended up with the whole wedding party standing on their chairs in a chateau attempting to sing "I'm Climbing Up Sunshine Mountain" ...)

tea_lover

JP08 wrote: »

What I have heard suggested is that, if you are giving money, you at least match what you are accepting from them on the day ... whether it's a gourmet meal and unrationed champers or ham rolls and a free vino from the bar *

I read that as free vimto... was just thinking it sounded my kind of wedding then read it properly :rotfl:. Ham rolls and vimto would be ace .