Low income families - how do you cope with your children's disappointment?

Kaye1

I tell my children but in a gentle way. So they know that sometimes there is some extra money and sometimes there isn't. (Our income fluctuates depending on time of year.)
My LO is brilliant at saving up money from Grandparents etc- and she never buys 'tat' for the sake of it- she makes sure she really wants it.
She really wanted a set where you make pictures from sequins- she worked out how much it was and started saving. She was thrilled when I looked on Amazon and found it £5 cheaper- she already had enough money, so could buy it straight away. Good life lessons I say.
She also knows that Mummy has a pot where she puts her spare money so that when we go on holiday, we can buy lots of treats and have days out.
I think that it does them no harm to realise the value of money.

Mrshaworth2b

We were "poor" growing up, single mum with 2 children and only one of their fathers helping out at all. I never realised until my sister told me about things my mum used to do and then I realised that she must have done such a good job because I never once felt different to others or let down in anyway.

My mum's motto was always "if I have the money we will do it or have it but if I don't then we go without" if more people thought like that the country would be in a better place.

As long as your children feel loved and secure they will not want for anything. And one day they will look back and say thank you for the good job you'll have done with very little.

missindecisive

There are lots of families out there like yours. You have to just explain to your children the reason why things are the way they are, I am sure they will be accepting, they certainly will not hold it against you when they are older.

missindecisive

you are giving your kids the most precious gift you can give...your time and your support. It far outweighs a trip to disneyland or an expensive pair of jeans with a fancy label inside.

Northern78

I don't remember the expensive trainers I had as a kid, I don't remember all the 'clubs' I started but got bored of after a few weeks. What I do remember is spending holidays in a a caravan at Bridlington. I remember how mum and dad would sit on the beach with us building sandcastles then after tea we'd be allowed a go in the 'slots' (Amusements) and off to the pub for a bottle of pop and a packet of crisps. I remember picnics in the countryside, going on long walks in the autumn.

Sounds like you're doing a great job with your kids.

FBaby

I personally don't agree that time and support is all what a child needs and unfortunately, I do think there are important aspect of growing up that requires money, but I certainly don't think it has anything to do with avoiding bullying. If a child is bullied for not having the latest gear, then it really is the bully that needs to revise his choice of life, not the other child. Also, having the latest gear doesn't have to be about income, as a matter of fact, according to my children, those who do have the nicest phones and clothes tend to be the ones on the lowest income.

However, if I think of some of the thing my kids have been able to do thanks to my being able to afford it, I am not convinced that time is everything. It's not about materialist things at all, but about opportunities. One example that comes to mind is DD is doing the Duke of Edingborough award and I can already see that she has learnt quite a bit about life as a result. It is not cheap at all though once you pay for the event, the gears etc... She is also involved in an academic programme that I am pretty sure will help her quite a lot. The programme is free, but the train to get there and back isn't.

I do think that a nice balance is ideal especially when kids start to become older and inevitably want to do things that doesn't forcibly involve lost of time with mum and dad. Your kids are still little though OP, so plenty of time to think about increasing your income as you see the need for it.

SCFC1961

My parents were the same as you PenniesMake£s and I survived remembering the happy times we spent as a family

FBaby

My parents were the same as you PenniesMake£s and I survived remembering the happy times we spent as a family

Although I don't agree with geerex point, I think that saying that time and love is always so much more rewarding than anything money can buy is also being a bit limited.

For one, everyone talks about their own experience, except that a generation ago or more, going abroad wasn't the norm, neither was to live in the materialist world we now live in, so yes, I do believe that jealousy can have more of an impact now for children who never get to enjoy what the average child gets to do and share.

I would also say that I am grateful for the things I got to do as a child and the opportunities that I was given because my parents could afford them, it goes both ways.

I do believe that a good parent is one who is responsive to the needs of their children, so if children seem perfectly contented with few luxuries, then that's the right thing to do, however, if a child start to express frustration for not being given some opportunities they wished to have, then I think it is fair to listen to this too and considering any ways by which some could be make a possibility. It doesn't have to be black or white.

missindecisive

I never went abroad as a kid. We went on one uk holiday a year usually to wales. My Dad worked hard and my mum had a part time job as we were starting to grow up. I went abroad lots as a young adult, when I had my own job and money. I never resented the fact that I didn't go on these holidays as a child.
Ok, kids these days have a lot more than we did. Seriously though, do they need an iphone at 5 !
My kids just enjoy being at home. They play out with their friends, attend girl guides and any free after school activities if they're interested. We buy their clothes from Tesco, Asda, Primark, Sports Direct etc. ER, whats wrong with that? We take them swimming sometimes, sometimes we go the early morning cinemas (when its cheaper) in the school hols.We walk the dogs, go on bike rides, visit free parks. They are happy. They are not bullied because we dont go to Disney, or we drive an older car, or we dont have the latest gadgets. They are not bullied for not having 'labelled' clothing. They are well thought of, and popular with their peers and with their teachers at school. Thats because we are bringing them up right, and so are you OP. x

Hermoine

I personally think that its important for children to realise that you can be a success in life without having an enormous pay packets and lots of material possessions, and they are most likely to realise this through having people around them who live decent lives, which you quite clearly do.

In addition, one of my family members didn't have a lot of money, and as a result their two sons realised at an early age that they needed to find a way of earning money for themselves if they wanted extra clothes, games etc etc, so they started washing up in the local pub as soon as they could. That work ethic has really helped them so far. Both got to university, and both keep grafting. If things had been easier for them, they might have tried less hard...