Low income families - how do you cope with your children's disappointment?

FBaby

Just to pick up on your first post PenniesMake£s, I think there is quite a difference between your DD feeling frustrated because she can't do say a dance class if she happens to really enjoy it and would like to progress in that field, to her being frustrated because she doesn't have the latest pair of jeans, especially at her age.

DD got supermarket clothes until she was about 12 and DS who is now 12 still does. I just bought him his new summer wardrobe from Asda and Tesco this week-end and he was very happy with it all. I could afford to buy him trendier brands, but even he says himself that it would be a waste of money as what he's got is just as nice.

There is a big difference between peer pressure and just wanting to take up opportunities.

FBaby

In addition, one of my family members didn't have a lot of money, and as a result their two sons realised at an early age that they needed to find a way of earning money for themselves if they wanted extra clothes, games etc etc, so they started washing up in the local pub as soon as they could. That work ethic has really helped them so far.

At the same time, you don't have to be on a low income to appreciate the value of money and wanting to get a job. DD15 is just about to go for an interview to work in a nursing home. She wants to work because she wants the experience, and also to get a bit of extra pocket money because it would seem I give her less than many of her friends (families on lower income) seem to get, although she's never complained.

As stated before, it's not forcibly those on higher incomes who waste their money on material things, many people on low income do too.

Scottie_dog

My parents didn't have much money growing up, no holidays, my dad worked for himself and if he didn't work, he didn't get paid. Evil kids used to pick on me at school because my dad used to pick me up in his battered old van. It didn't bother me though, I thought the van was cool! Dad is very MSE and has always worked hard. He has taught me to be careful with money. Nowadays dad drives around in a brand new van bought with his hard earned cash, parents mortgage is all paid off and they live a very comfortable life. I would go back to the days when I was young and my parents had no money in a heartbeat. I enjoyed fishing with my dad, going to the beach for picnics, metal detecting (I was obsessed with history as a child and thought my dads metal detector was the best thing ever, it was money well spent on that), going for a run in the van on a Sunday to the local market, mum teaching me to knit, helping with the gardening, playing with the dog and going for family dog walks..... I could go on all night :-)
It sounds like you are great parents, don't beat yourself up.

j.e.j.

Since when is not going to Disneyland seen as a hardship :rotfl:

Seriously, there were kids in my class at junior school whose parents must have been earning a packet, cos they were always getting really expensive presents for Christmas/birthdays or going abroad on holiday. But looking back I don't think I was hard done-by because my parents couldn't afford to do the same.

Kids need to learn that they can't have everything just because their friends have it.

Indie_Kid

We didn't have much money growing up, which meant no expensive holidays abroad. We did things like going to Cornwall for the day (we live in Plymouth; so it's just a trip on the train) or if the weather was nice, we took a packed lunch, frisbee and football down the park.

Most of my childhood memories are the ones where we'd do things like Paignton Zoo, walking through the park, etc.

Gillybean

It's so easy with media pressure these days to assume that you are the only family who can't afford xyz. Trust me you won't be.

My eldest is one of the few of his mates who doesn't have a mobile phone at the grand old age of almost 10, it's just crazy. I've been pestered, tormented,,etc but if we can't afford it, it's not going to happen. Simple as.

I think kids also make a lot more out of peer pressure than there is. I can remember screaming how this person got this that and the other. Not always true, I still didn't get it and I survived.

I do feel for you tho, pester power is just the worst.

missindecisive

I actually said to my 15 year old, would he like a mobile phone?
His reply.."why? What do I need one of those for?"

I reckon he's going to be a leader, not a follower !

InsideInsurance

PenniesMake£s wrote: »

We can make ends meet but there isn't much money left for luxuries. We take the kids to all the free activities we can, beach, parks, museums etc. We always have plenty of library books in the house. There is no shortage of love and parental time, stories, meals together. But we can't afford for the kids to do activities

The grass is always greener on the otherside.

My parents were middle income but my dad was self employed so sometimes things were harder than others. I however went to private school where many of my friends parents probably could add a zero to my household income if not more.

For my 17th for example, I got a £300 car that was older than me, one of my friends got a brand new BMW M3. I can tell you know I loved my car more that he liked his.

If you were a millionaire banker working 26 hours a day then your kids would complain that they never see you despite all the things you buy them. If you're a zero hour contract family working minimal hours spending a lot of time with your kids then they will complain that they dont have things at times. You cannot win

Indie_Kid

Growing up, mum worked part time so that she was there when we got up for school and was home when we got home and she was home during the holidays. We hardly saw dad due to shift work.

I started secondary school when mobile phones had just started to become popular and my Christmas present that year was a mobile phone. I remember my sister (who is 2 years younger) badgering mum for a mobile phone and claiming she "needed" one.

I did used to know someone whose then 7 year old said he "needed" a mobile because all his friends had one.

Most people at secondary school had holidays abroad. Many of them also had parents who had divorced. I think I was one of the few whose parents were still together. I know what I'd rather have.

duchy

There will always be children who have more and others who have less .........and kids don't see things the same way as adults. I remember one child who was very jealous because my Mum was always at home when we were (she worked but only school hours and never school holidays -) whereas her Mum worked fulltime. She had better clothes, more toys blah blah but she wanted her Mum around instead.

Whilst too late for the OP I do think there is a point to be make when deciding how many children you have about what you can give them and what your priorities are. If foreign holidays are important or working part-time or whatever . That said almost every parent would like to give their kid more of something - whether it is time, activities, holidays -but the reality is most people can't have it all and neither can their kids.