How would you feel? the same or do I need a kick up the rear?

seven-day-weekend

I must add my voice to say another NO.

She is 58, not 85. She is selling a house. She can afford to rent.

She will ruin your life if you let her move in. Do NOT DO IT (Capitals because I AM shouting that bit).

Again I say, and loads of other people here, we all agree - don't do it.

Be afraid, be very afraid.

ska_lover

Op, you are about to sacrifice your own happiness in order to enable your mother to continue to not take responsibility

Do NOT do it. This does have disaster written all over it

see what a bad idea this is, as MSE never agree, but you are getting a resounding NO from every poster.

Redacted

Elinore wrote: »

Oh and much to my annoyance in a email from a relative they advised 'I cant believe as your Mother paid a significant contribution towards your deposit you would not repay her kindness in this time of need'

It transpires that my mother mentioned her offer to the family when she was going to do it (because it made her look good, no doubt) and not subsequently told them that she didn't actually cough up. So though shes not actually said she paid towards our house she also didn't correct peoples assumptions that she had.

that made me SO MAD.

This would be my reply to that!

"Dear cherished relative,

Thank you for reminding me that my mother offered to make a significant contribution to our house deposit, and then changed her mind and didn't help us at all, even though we are family and would have appreciated the help. It's reminded me that I, too, can change my mind.

I will therefore be giving her as much help as she gave us, which is to say, no help at all.

I trust you will find this a fitting repayment of her kindness."

My answer would also be a firm, unequivocal no to her moving in, unless you are prepared for her to live with you forever.

To misquote Nike, just don't do it.

Marvel1

I would just turn around and say this relationship is over, go our separate ways, take me off the will (if there is one) and get on with your life from the family.

sweetbabu

Elinore, please, please, please don't let her come to stay.

She will come with promises (albeit begrudgingly) of paying rent but you will never see a penny. And she will be telling all the family that she's struggling while you demand more and more money each month.

I also agree with the poster who said she will come between you and your husband; I cannot stress how much I believe this will happen.

You say you have a love for a quiet life with your husband and pets; you will not, under any circumstances, be allowed to continue with this - it simply won't satisfy her constant need for drama.

I would also be tempted to cut out the rest of the family, because they sound as daft as she is, unfortunately.

societys_child

Don't do it
for the sake of your life and your sanity
for the sake of your marriage
for the sake of everything you've worked for

I've seen women like your mother destroy lives
I've seen friends devastated
and families split apart by the devious lies

She's not even homeless
but already she's worked her way in

You'll be stuck with her
for good
or until she decides . .

people like this are very manipulative

It won't be your decision

*Robin*

No.
Please OP - it will be the worst [STRIKE]decision[/STRIKE] capitulation of your life if you let her stay in your home, even overnight.

Who do you want in your life; loving husband or narcissistic mother?
You certainly can't have both, not for long anyway..

Smodlet

I can't quite believe what I've read, OP. It is not easy to come up with anything original but... Is your family name Coleby or Ewing, perchance? If so, you may wake up in the shower and find you dreamt it all.

Given this is unlikely I recommend, along with everyone else, that you either grow a back bone and stand up to all your life-sucking relatives, while realising blood is by no means thicker than water, or give in, continue to be a door mat as, it seems, you have been all your life and kiss your husband, your creditworthiness and your house good bye, not necessarily in that order. Pay you rent? No, she will take every penny, along with your peace of mind, marriage and sanity, if you let her.

Dr. Phil said long ago that we teach others how to treat us. If you refuse to stand up for yourself, allow others to manipulate, bully and abuse you, you are telling them you find their behaviour acceptable. Only you can decide what you think is acceptable and only you can teach your vampiric mother, father and other "cherished relatives" (love that) how to behave towards you.

WibblyGirly

How long do you think your lovely husband will stay after your mother moves in?
I certainly would not sacrifice my partner if I had a mother like yours!
I really doubt she will pay you rent, she'll probably hen peck you and your husband, come between you and spread little lies. Please choose him and tell your mother to pull her head out of her rectum and grow up!

Like others say, she does have options. Rental is very quick to organise, you can be in a house within a week, absolutely no need for her to even step foot in your house.

Primrose

Quite apart from the thought of having your mother move in have you given any thought to the fact that she may be expecting you to house all her household furniture and "stuff" into the bargain so you could be having a big furniture van turn up outside your house on completion day!

Have you starting drafting that "Sorry Mum but husband and I have been talking about your house sale and have decided that your moving into our house is never going to work " letter yet?