Mediation

Guest101

FBaby wrote: »

This is what happens when you evolve in an ambiguous situation ie. You're together but you're not but you are but you're not. In the end you both felt confused and used at different stages. It sounds like it is time to make it clear to each other where you both stand.

Sorry wasnt ignoring your post. Just had a lot on my mind.

I agree completely.

I do not want this to continue. I have niggles, and it's sad.

But if she is with someone, I'm atleast partly, relieved that I might escape this nightmare. That someone else will have to deal with her. (also partly scared things will get worse for me).

If i had to sum it up in one sentence.

Dear Ex,

I wish you well in your new relationship, I'm sorry we didn't work out; let's make sure our DS has the people who love him and who he loves consistenly in his life.

Fluff15

Guest101 wrote: »

it's might sound silly, but i feel very stupid right now.

I think that's normal under any type of breakup, even moreso when those within the relationship are unkind to one-another. But you are certainly not stupid for being unable to predict human behaviour, even when you thought you knew somebody.

Guest101

Ozzuk wrote: »

It should be months before she considers introducing someone new to your son (you'd hope so anyway but situations are often different) so I doubt you have any right to know everyone she dates until it becomes serious/introduction to kid.

Sadly, she's used you to get over the break up and sounds like she is moving on. You should likely just move on yourself and just be there for your son.

Thanks, i mentioned this before, but wanted to just clear it up.

I agree. If she's seeing someone, and my DS isnt affected. It's nothing to do with me.

I am concerned that there is a stranger around my son.

As for moving on, I want to.

In fact i did meet a girl by chance at the weekend. I wasn't 'on the pull', was just having a drink with some friends. However for the first time in a long time, I was able to say to myself, 'she's pretty'. - might sound pathetic, but I used to get grief if there was someone 'pretty' on the tv.

Guest101

Fluff15 wrote: »

I think that's normal under any type of breakup, even moreso when those within the relationship are unkind to one-another. But you are certainly not stupid for being unable to predict human behaviour, even when you thought you knew somebody.

Thanks, seriously.

That's the thing. I should've known, after so many years, i should've learnt my lesson. But I was hoping for the best (but failed to prepare for the worst).

ecgirl07

You need to back right off and only see her when you are seeing your son for access. Only pay her the agreed child support amount and no more. Why are you being charged £10 a day for being there?

For the next wee while see this as a "business" relataionship, not friendship, not romantic, and get it on a "professional" footing where you only talk about your child. This will change the dynamic, which for your sake needs changing.

Then go through mediation to sort out access. Keep a diary of all the messing about she does and dont engage in any arguments designed to rile you.

Guest101

ecgirl07 wrote: »

You need to back right off and only see her when you are seeing your son for access. Only pay her the agreed child support amount and no more. Why are you being charged £10 a day for being there?

For the next wee while see this as a "business" relataionship, not friendship, not romantic, and get it on a "professional" footing where you only talk about your child. This will change the dynamic, which for your sake needs changing.

Then go through mediation to sort out access. Keep a diary of all the messing about she does and dont engage in any arguments designed to rile you.

Just what she'd charge me as 'costs', but i had to be there to see him

marisco_2

Guest101 wrote: »

I just still cant believe that she was able to do that, and yet every time I was there, be all nice and family centric and planning these great days out (some of which i've wanted to do for years), and secretly be conspiring to literally throw my world upside down.
How does someone do that? I mean literally how does that happen?

Forgive me if I am confusing you with another poster on here, but isn't this the same pattern of behaviour that she has directed at you many times before?

Guest101

marisco wrote: »

Forgive me if I am confusing you with another poster on here, but isn't this the same pattern of behaviour that she has directed at you many times before?

Possibly? not sure.

But this has happened before. But not to this scale.

FBaby

Dear Ex,

I wish you well in your new relationship, I'm sorry we didn't work out; let's make sure our DS has the people who love him and who he loves consistenly in his life.

But you've already done this, you broke up and that should have been when you went separate ways and remained cordial for the sake of your son. The problem is that it is quite obvious you both still have feelings for each other, or at least you for her. You might try to deny it, but if it wasn't the case, you wouldn't have been sleeping her her 'out of habit' and you wouldn't care that she might have been meeting someone else.

This ambiguous position seemed good because at least you hadn't totally lost her, but in the end, it was never going to be sustained. You are right, you need to move on for good or you will constantly be stuck in this emotional confusion which brings much more stress and sorrow than good times, and don't forget that if you are confused, then your son will be too.

Guest101

FBaby wrote: »

But you've already done this, you broke up and that should have been when you went separate ways and remained cordial for the sake of your son. The problem is that it is quite obvious you both still have feelings for each other, or at least you for her. You might try to deny it, but if it wasn't the case, you wouldn't have been sleeping her her 'out of habit' and you wouldn't care that she might have been meeting someone else.

This ambiguous position seemed good because at least you hadn't totally lost her, but in the end, it was never going to be sustained. You are right, you need to move on for good or you will constantly be stuck in this emotional confusion which brings much more stress and sorrow than good times, and don't forget that if you are confused, then your son will be too.

Cheers. It's what I need to hear!

You're right ofcourse! Guess I'm sad that it's failed