Mediation

Guest101

I'm still going to go. It may well be a ploy, or just to upset me and last minute change her mind.

Or drunken behaviour.

Or god knows.

- she didn't take the gifts / chocs / card - apparently it was complicated. Don't see how Easter is complicated. She, her family, cousins etc see my son on Easter Sunday, he might wonder why dad's not there, not sent a card or anything.

Stupid so and so playing with my child like that.

DaveTheMus

the OP's case is a perfect example of how disgustingly one-sided and anti-father the system in this country is.

a loving father can be tucking his child into bed 1 night and the next night he has to be assessed so he can obtain permission from social workers and other faceless workers just to be given 'contact'....

what a word for visiting your child....contact...

Guest101

DaveTheMus wrote: »

the OP's case is a perfect example of how disgustingly one-sided and anti-father the system in this country is.

a loving father can be tucking his child into bed 1 night and the next night he has to be assessed so he can obtain permission from social workers and other faceless workers just to be given 'contact'....

what a word for visiting your child....contact...

Indeed.

It's ridiculous.

But need to play the game. Otherwise I'll end up being principled but without my son

Guest101

Someone explain why I today ( first time in weeks ) am even considering reconciling?!?!?!

I think I just miss my son and think that I would get him back if I apologised and worked on it with her.

Absolutely ridiculous I feel like this. So now I'm going to go meet some mates, watch the footy and get these ridiculous thoughts out of my head!

McCloud1

Hope you managed to sort your head out a bit. It's completely understandable that you'd have conflicting thoughts over this emotional period.

Keep your chin up.

Guest101

Hmm god knows.

I keep thinking no, don't want to.

But on the other hand, if we can be friends and get on after some months. Or longer.

But then I think if we have a friendship, better not ruin it.

So not really clearer. But hey ho

Guest101

Just small update - checked with mediators. She hasn't cancelled, so fingers crossed.

I'm so nervous - 48 hours to go.

Not spoken to her properly in so long, not seen her in so long. Seriously nervous, what will we say; agree; argue? Will I see my son over the weekend? Will she be reasonable?

What will I feel when we're in the same room.

And I thought I was bad when I didn't know!!

RAS

Ok

So write down what you want to achieve. Access to your son.

Devise a couple of broken record messages that you can repeat if she starts going on about something you did or did not do when you were together.

Like "This is not about my rights to see (son); it is about (son)'s right to have reasonable contact with both his parents."

"I want to support (son) and therefore need to know the account number into which I can pay the money."

Take the list of things that she has reportedly accused you of doing (harassment etc, not payng CMS) and write out the response. Pure fact, no emotions.

Guest101

RAS wrote: »

Ok

So write down what you want to achieve. Access to your son.

Devise a couple of broken record messages that you can repeat if she starts going on about something you did or did not do when you were together.

Like "This is not about my rights to see (son); it is about (son)'s right to have reasonable contact with both his parents."

"I want to support (son) and therefore need to know the account number into which I can pay the money."

Take the list of things that she has reportedly accused you of doing (harassment etc, not payng CMS) and write out the response. Pure fact, no emotions.

Thats a great post. Thanks.

Actually did the CMS calculation and still up to date until this Sunday. Not that I want to pay just the minimum. Happily pay more. Hopefully sort it on Friday though.

I'll do a list for the other stuff too.

Thanks. Great post

Mojisola

Guest101 wrote: »

Actually did the CMS calculation and still up to date until this Sunday. Not that I want to pay just the minimum. Happily pay more. Hopefully sort it on Friday though.

It might be best to pay the set amount as a regular payment.

You can also offer to pay directly for things like clubs he may go to or for new shoes and so on but it's better if she doesn't come to rely on a higher weekly payment that you might not be able to maintain in the future.

Also, once you have some shared care, you will need money to do things with your child.