Mediation

iammumtoone

some tips for the mediation (I have been there!)

You are there to talk about your son and what is best for him, keep focused on that fact. You are not there to rake over what happened and went wrong in your relationship, that is the past. Keep the discussion about what can be done to make sure your son has a relationship with both of you (the mediator will keep with this)

The best advise I can give is make sure you book follow up meeting(s) before you leave in the presence of the mediator. I really wish I had done this, the mediator explained she had a few couples that continue to visit every 6 months even though they had been split up for years! This is probably what me and my ex could do with but when asked to book a follow up he said no we would book one when we needed one, now there is no way on earth I will get him to go back I should have booked it there and then when he would have agreed to in front of the mediator and she would have been on my side that is was a good idea.

Guest101

iammumtoone wrote: »

sorry to hear you are going through this.

Your ex will have her reasons she has stopped access, her reasons may not be fair, right or rational but to her at this moment they are. Until mediation there is nothing you can do to change that, you just have to work with it.

Have you asked if you can see your son in the presence of someone she trusts (her parents for example, maybe she will you let you spend time with him at your parents - does she get on well with them?)

Maybe send her a text along the line of

Really missing xxx, if you don't want me to see him alone at the moment would you consider letting me see him round yys house in their presence, or anywhere else you would be comfortable with?

You have nothing to lose, if she says no, keep a record of it and you can ask why in mediation. Just don't get into a row over it.

EDIT: if she trusts your sister would she let you see your son in her presence?

Oh I know. I'm not saying our relationship was perfect, far from it at times. But her hurt & anger are understandable (some of the behaviour less so, but it's her feelings).

I have no family locally. My sister is other side of the country and rest live abroad (so nice and lonely for me).

I wouldnt text anyway (and dont expect you to know this - as it was in my other thread) as i agreed with the police not to contact her - she claimed i was harrassing her, so i juust said i wouldnt contact her anymore.

And i havent. And i wont. Because im not playing her games anymore

Guest101

iammumtoone wrote: »

some tips for the mediation (I have been there!)

You are there to talk about your son and what is best for him, keep focused on that fact. You are not there to rake over what happened and went wrong in your relationship, that is the past. Keep the discussion about what can be done to make sure your son has a relationship with both of you (the mediator will keep with this)

The best advise I can give is make sure you book follow up meeting(s) before you leave in the presence of the mediator. I really wish I had done this, the mediator explained she had a few couples that continue to visit every 6 months even though they had been split up for years! This is probably what me and my ex could do with but when asked to book a follow up he said no we would book one when we needed one, now there is no on earth I will get him to go back I should have booked it there and then when he would have agreed to in front of the mediator and she would have been on my side that is was a good idea.

Thanks, that's an excellent idea.

I agree completely with you, the priority is for me to make sure i have a regular arrangement and it's stuck to.

Yes i would like it if we could be civil, for his sake, and so there wasnt a battle at special times (holidays, birthdays etc), i'd be more than happy for her to come along on any big days out etc, because she doesnt drive, and would find it difficult to do the same, hopefully this would avoid resentment that i am 'buying' his love.

iammumtoone

Guest101 wrote: »

Yes i would like it if we could be civil, for his sake, and so there wasnt a battle at special times (holidays, birthdays etc), i'd be more than happy for her to come along on any big days out etc, because she doesnt drive, and would find it difficult to do the same, hopefully this would avoid resentment that i am 'buying' his love.

I hope you can get to this stage. Believe it or not as much as me and my ex dislike each other we do this. We go on holiday all together once a year (just a couple of days!) and for ds birthday we always do something together.

Guest101

iammumtoone wrote: »

I hope you can get to this stage. Believe it or not as much as me and my ex dislike each other we do this. We go on holiday all together once a year (just a couple of days!) and for ds birthday we always do something together.

That's good I think, for your son. Mine would always say mummy and daddy are his best friends.

I'm not looking to reconcile, she may or may not be. She's stubborn, so would never make the first move, and if I met someone, there'd be hell to pay. But I'm not after anyone, just wanna concentrate on job / career and my son.

Guest101

Just wondering...

I obviously am not contacting my ex, but it's easter, do you think it would be reasonable to post easter eggs and card to my son?

Do you think this would be a breach / harassment?

marisco_2

It should be considered totally reasonable for you to want to treat your son and make a loving gesture at Easter. Just as you will want to for his birthday and at Christmas. It is the normal way of things and he shouldn't miss out because of other factors going on around him.

How your ex might view it is another story altogether. Awful that the way she is handling your split will bring about horrible consequences for your son. I would leave it this time but make sure to raise how to approach this when you go for mediation.

Guest101

Thanks

I've decided im just doing it, I'm sending a card a gift and some chocolate eggs.

If she kicks up a fuss, well whatever. I want my son to have a gift from me. and if the police entertain that a gift, a card and chocolate for a child is harassment - well theyre welcome to take me to court.

Guest101

Guest101 wrote: »

Thanks

I've decided im just doing it, I'm sending a card a gift and some chocolate eggs.

If she kicks up a fuss, well whatever. I want my son to have a gift from me. and if the police entertain that a gift, a card and chocolate for a child is harassment - well theyre welcome to take me to court.

And the drama continues....

So Thursday I get word from mediation - she's been in and agreed. Date set for next Friday. - job done, great.

Yesterday I'm getting calls at 11pm from her. Saying it's cancelled. She's not going.

Absolute mad woman

Mojisola

Guest101 wrote: »

So Thursday I get word from mediation - she's been in and agreed. Date set for next Friday. - job done, great.

Yesterday I'm getting calls at 11pm from her. Saying it's cancelled. She's not going.

Don't trust her word that it's cancelled - check with the service.

You don't want her to turn up like a good mother and for you not to be there and so in the wrong.