Mediation

justme111

Rant is ok. You say you posted on here to ask people who been through it for advice. Have you noticed that you posted about your ex seeing someone else , not about arranging access to your son ..

David301

I'll be your mate Guest, message me anytime!!

Guest101

justme111 wrote: »

Rant is ok. You say you posted on here to ask people who been through it for advice. Have you noticed that you posted about your ex seeing someone else , not about arranging access to your son ..

You're right I did.

Sorry, I should've been clearer.

Practical legal advice about my son, i have in the bucket loads. Mediation, court, better get saving! (come to the right place!)

I felt stupid, for not realising what was going on. It made me assess many things about myself, my relationship, my life.

Posting about what's happened so that others who might've encountered similar things, can share their thoughts.

I welcome advice about my son. It is fairly straight forward in that respect. How i feel is a big mess of emotions & thoughts.

I know i need a structured timetable to see him, but im trying to express how difficult it is to get that.

As for her seeing someone, yes - ok it's not pleasant. I think i could be a lot more cut up by it. But tha'ts normal.

(to be fair, the ranting is helping me get things down and remind myself of all the problems we had)

Guest101

David301 wrote: »

I'll be your mate Guest, message me anytime!!

Cheers! :beer:

David301

My two pennies worth

You are better off without her, unfortunately you are tied via a child, this will get easier as the child gets older as can decide for himself if he is going back to mum or dads after school, shopping trip or various other activity.

Having someone at your beck and call, that element of control over someone is empowering to some people. You need to take it away from her. Get structured access through the courts so she no longer has the choice.

Also secrets are exciting, keeping you hanging around whilst seeing another will be an ego boost and yet give her the lap dog / back up plan. Once she realises you aren't interested in any of her sh*t this other fella will not be as attractive any more. Don't forget what she has done to you she will most likely do to the next guy.... poor bloke! If it was a serious relationship you would have heard about it through the grapevine.

To conclude

1) she is a moron
2) Guest will triumph due to his apparent intelligence and motivation!

:dance:

bouicca21

Maybe your first step should be to apply for parental responsibility? You would need a court order. It will cost you for the order, plus will open you to child support processes - but I sort of hope that you would not duck out of supporting your son financially anyway.

PS You won't want to hear this but if even half of what you say about your ex is true, then you need to have a serious look at yourself to find out why you ended up with such a difficult person. Explore counselling, it might help you avoid the same kind of toxic relationship in the future.

Guest101

bouicca21 wrote: »

Maybe your first step should be to apply for parental responsibility? You would need a court order. It will cost you for the order, plus will open you to child support processes - but I sort of hope that you would not duck out of supporting your son financially anyway.

PS You won't want to hear this but if even half of what you say about your ex is true, then you need to have a serious look at yourself to find out why you ended up with such a difficult person. Explore counselling, it might help you avoid the same kind of toxic relationship in the future.

I already pay, and more than the minimum. But i think you're right.

I've contacted a service via my employer who are looking at getting me some CBT treatment.

The sad thing is, that it's all true, and then some.

Regularly kicked out of the home. Punched in the head whilst holding my child. Threatened with violence, e.g. she'd pick up a knife and say 'it would be so easy'. Calls to my family to make up allegations. Publically humiliate me. Privately humiliate. It's just all coming up in my head the more i think about it, i tried to hide it away.

When we met she wasnt like this. And it wasn't until she was pregnant that it started. Then i thought it must be the side effects of pregnancy. Then i started to think it was my fault.

Even when we 'get on'. I have asked her about some of the things. She just denies it and tells me i'm crazy, it never happened.

As one police officer told me 'She knows how to play the game and to play the system'.

Guest101

David301 wrote: »

My two pennies worth

You are better off without her, unfortunately you are tied via a child, this will get easier as the child gets older as can decide for himself if he is going back to mum or dads after school, shopping trip or various other activity.

Having someone at your beck and call, that element of control over someone is empowering to some people. You need to take it away from her. Get structured access through the courts so she no longer has the choice.

Also secrets are exciting, keeping you hanging around whilst seeing another will be an ego boost and yet give her the lap dog / back up plan. Once she realises you aren't interested in any of her sh*t this other fella will not be as attractive any more. Don't forget what she has done to you she will most likely do to the next guy.... poor bloke! If it was a serious relationship you would have heard about it through the grapevine.

To conclude

1) she is a moron
2) Guest will triumph due to his apparent intelligence and motivation!

:dance:

Just worry she's going to turn him against me.

I worry about the courts. She's so manipulative, she's told me before I have a file of everything you've done. - I dont know what she means, but presuming the worst, she's going to make more allegations.

The problem is, a lot of people think 'no smoke, without fire.'

Even friends who have known me for 10 years, or more, when they heard i had been arrested for assault, werent sure what to think. So how can I expect anyone to believe me?

I worry, she did this to me, but i never retaliated. What if the next bloke does. What if he snaps. What if he hurts my son because he's angry at her.

You're right, i am better off without her. I'm trying to get a loan from family, and setup in a flat so my son can stay with me. Have my own place.

1) & 2) :beer:

ecgirl07

Guest101 wrote: »

Just costs.

So for example, I might have a shower there if we'd had an active afternoon out. Or I might put a couple shirts in the wash if i was staying until monday. Or we might all eat together.

- I'd also do jobs around the house. Clean, tidy, wash up, cook, vac, take recycling / rubbish out - things a partner would normally do.

In return I'd see my son. But whatever we did was her decision. And i'd pay for half of that too. - which i dont mind paying half for, but would've been nice to do the things i wanted to do with him.

- It used to be worse. Once I ordered a takeaway, I knew the delivery girl and was just friendly to her, 'Hi, how are you? etc.'
She went mad at me as if i was having an affair!

Stop all of this. Stop doing jobs its not your house anymore. Stop showering and staying over, stop sharing meals. Stop doing "family" stuff together.

Reason 1 its confusing for your son (if he is of age to start being confused how old is he?)
Reason 2 its confusing for you. The only reason you have to be there is to see your son. Ideally you are picking him up and taking out for a few hours or overnight. IF she is not allowing this then be strict on your visiting hours (this will be short term pain for long term access at your house) only stay for 2 hours and leave having spent time with son and nothingelse.

This all wont be easy but you need to be strong and set boundaries. Good luck its a horrible situation yo be in.

Guest101

ecgirl07 wrote: »

Stop all of this. Stop doing jobs its not your house anymore. Stop showering and staying over, stop sharing meals. Stop doing "family" stuff together.

Reason 1 its confusing for your son (if he is of age to start being confused how old is he?)
Reason 2 its confusing for you. The only reason you have to be there is to see your son. Ideally you are picking him up and taking out for a few hours or overnight. IF she is not allowing this then be strict on your visiting hours (this will be short term pain for long term access at your house) only stay for 2 hours and leave having spent time with son and nothingelse.

This all wont be easy but you need to be strong and set boundaries. Good luck its a horrible situation yo be in.

It's stopped now. But just to explain what's been happening. (He's almost 4).

It is confusing. I didnt ask for any of it. It started like you say, come over for 2 hours and go. But then she started saying, well dont you want to do jobs for your son? so washing up, then tidying up, then vaccing. It just build up. She'd do the carrot and the stick, so she'd offer me a nice meal too. Or suggest i stay over.
It just spiralled. - I was happy with the 2 hours, but equally split: I wanted to fix things; & I never say no to her.

Cheers.