Mediation

justme111

I would say no to phone calls and no to being at hers at all even if it means not seeing your child for a while. As if you step the foot to hers it will be the same :"she has done this , he has done that". Her seeing someone can be good for you as she may get calmer. ,easier to deal with and interested in making arrangements for childcare as she will want child free time . It is always better that exes love life is good as if it is not it affects both previous partner and a child , besides she will not want to appear nutcase to her new bloke so may watch more what she does and what she says. Just pray he is not nutcase as well !!

justme111

How about : brain says "in indulging in your memories how good past family life was you are damaging your child because it disables your brain and makes you having other priorities in dealing with her which results in toxic communication which results in your relationship with child damaged "

justme111

How about :if you were thinking with your right head you surely would have noticed she was a nutcase before having a child with her

Guest101

justme111 wrote: »

How about :if you were thinking with your right head you surely would have noticed she was a nutcase before having a child with her

It might seem daft but there was literally no indication before she got pregnant.

It really was really good and felt really solid.

Guest101

justme111 wrote: »

I would say no to phone calls and no to being at hers at all even if it means not seeing your child for a while. As if you step the foot to hers it will be the same :"she has done this , he has done that". Her seeing someone can be good for you as she may get calmer. ,easier to deal with and interested in making arrangements for childcare as she will want child free time . It is always better that exes love life is good as if it is not it affects both previous partner and a child , besides she will not want to appear nutcase to her new bloke so may watch more what she does and what she says. Just pray he is not nutcase as well !!

I'm just going to take him out until my living arrangements are better sorted.

I agree it can be good for me. (though as you say, you never know if they're both nutcases).

I did think about suggesting that I would look after him if she wanted to go out. The problem is, it would be at hers at the moment. Which is clearly a risky strategy. Win goodwill / fall into an arguement.

Pixie5740

You have too much time on your hands Guest. You mentioned in previous posts that you lost touch with friends during your relationship. Perhaps it's time to rekindle those friendships or make some new friends.

Take up a hobby. See if there's a Meet Up Group near you. Then you will have other things to occupy your thoughts.

Pixie5740

Guest101 wrote: »

I did think about suggesting that I would look after him if she wanted to go out. The problem is, it would be at hers at the moment. Which is clearly a risky strategy. Win goodwill / fall into an arguement.

Nae, nae and thrice nae. Do not do this under any circumstances. You'll end being at her beck and call again and it will give her a chance to flaunt a new relationship in your face. Don't do it to yourself.

missbiggles1

Guest101 wrote: »

I already pay, and more than the minimum. But i think you're right.

I've contacted a service via my employer who are looking at getting me some CBT treatment.

The sad thing is, that it's all true, and then some.

Regularly kicked out of the home. Punched in the head whilst holding my child. Threatened with violence, e.g. she'd pick up a knife and say 'it would be so easy'. Calls to my family to make up allegations. Publically humiliate me. Privately humiliate. It's just all coming up in my head the more i think about it, i tried to hide it away.

When we met she wasnt like this. And it wasn't until she was pregnant that it started. Then i thought it must be the side effects of pregnancy. Then i started to think it was my fault.

Even when we 'get on'. I have asked her about some of the things. She just denies it and tells me i'm crazy, it never happened.

As one police officer told me 'She knows how to play the game and to play the system'.

With behaviour like this I'd be more concerned about what might happen to the child whilst in her care rather than what any new boyfriend might do!

Guest101

missbiggles1 wrote: »

With behaviour like this I'd be more concerned about what might happen to the child whilst in her care rather than what any new boyfriend might do!

I've never been worried about his safety, but i guess i was always there to be the 'punch bag' - emotionally / physically.

It's a good point, and thank you for highlighting it.

Guest101

Pixie5740 wrote: »

You have too much time on your hands Guest. You mentioned in previous posts that you lost touch with friends during your relationship. Perhaps it's time to rekindle those friendships or make some new friends.

Take up a hobby. See if there's a Meet Up Group near you. Then you will have other things to occupy your thoughts.

You're telling me buddy! Literally time in abundance. I am trying to get in touch with people.

I have a hobby which in theory would take up hours, just motivation is drained at the minute.

The gym is a possibility (and very cliched)

Pixie5740 wrote: »

Nae, nae and thrice nae. Do not do this under any circumstances. You'll end being at her beck and call again and it will give her a chance to flaunt a new relationship in your face. Don't do it to yourself.

Yep, I know.

My thought process:
She gets to go out and therefore less annoyed/stressed
I get to see my son
I win some goodwill

(you're right, and i wont do it, just explaining why i considered it)