My son rules the roost?

n1guy

Caroline_a wrote: »

Has it occurred to your wife that, particularly as his friends now know that he sleeps with his mum, that they might tell their parents. And from there it's only a short hop to "why does this woman sleep with her nearly teenage son??" She is opening herself up to accusations of child abuse - had he been 5 then people would have been more understanding, but 11??

I would put that in front of her, and see what she says then. However, while she is enabling his appalling behaviour you will be able to do nothing.

What were them boys not thinking? Didn't bother my son in the slightest. But yes I agree.

I suppose like many things in life its easier just to do nothing and go with the flow than it is to take action. In fairness now she has tried, we both have but I think its beyond us. Its not really something a doctor could fix either as is mentioned there is nothing wrong with him, he is just playing up.

He's on a school trip for a week next month, we'll see what way that goes down, he'll likely not go or something.

paddy's_mum

n1guy wrote: »

I think she might agree its best

I feel desperately sorry for that boy - what a miserable life his mother's stupidity is going to shape for him.

She reminds me of the over-indulgent owner of a new puppy who couldn't bear for it to be whining, wriggling and fighting against the newly introduced collar and lead so left it to grow up "free of struggle". It ended up stone dead underneath the local soft drinks delivery lorry not many weeks later.

Your son, like that pup, will be the one paying the price for someone else's weakness.

Mojisola

thorsoak wrote: »

YOU ARE THE FATHER - ACT LIKE THE FATHER - NOT HIS FRIEND!

He won't be able to take control of the situation while his wife is undermining him.

The problem with the child could be sorted out quite quickly - it's the wife that's the serious issue.

thriftylass

Sorry you're having a hard time with your son. But I agree you need to put your foot down and your wife especially. My 4 year old won't get away with not eating his dinner and throwing tantrums like that. And the worst you can do is then give in. You leaving the family won't resolve things either. yes, you're away from the problems but your wife, daughters and son are just set for things to get worse.

It will be hard and guessing from your previous stories there will be damage. But then just sell his playstation to pay for it. Why is your wife giving in so much and let her life being dictated by an 11 year old. When and how did all this start? Was he jealous when his younger siblings came along and wanted more attention? He is clearly able and willing to obey boundaries and rules in school and at grandma's so find out why. What is your mum doing differently?

Please don't leave and run away from it because no-one will benefit and it won't resolve the issue.

thorsoak

Mojisola wrote: »

He won't be able to take control of the situation while his wife is undermining him.

The problem with the child could be sorted out quite quickly - it's the wife that's the serious issue.

I agree with you - what I should have said is "you are the parents - act like them - you (plural) are not his friends!"

n1guy

I'm waiting for them to come home, they'll have had the best time ever no doubt and I will get an earful for not going. It wasn't about going to the arcade it was the point of the thing that whatever he says goes.

tea_lover

Does your wife even see that his behaviour is a problem? If not, you are really going to have a struggle.

n1guy

tea_lover wrote: »

Does your wife even see that his behaviour is a problem? If not, you are really going to have a struggle.

She see's the night time thing as a problem, but other than that no not really.

AmyTurtle

n1guy wrote: »

You should see him with my mother, he is a big lad, as big as her yet he wouldn't dare act up with her.

Sounds like my older sister - she terrorised my mum and her siblings but her teachers and friend's mums all thought she was wonderful and would tell my mum they wished their kids were like her. She even managed to manipulate the GP who told my mum she was making it up as my charming sister couldn't possibly act how my mum described.

Nurse or not, your mum is wrong - Your son needs professional help. His behaviour sounds very like my sister who is now 35, rootless, drifting through life in a series of jobs and relationships because no employer or partner can cope with her selfishness/narcissism/tantrums/often violence for long. She effectively can't cope with the real, adult world because she always expects to get her own way.

Mojisola

n1guy wrote: »

She see's the night time thing as a problem, but other than that no not really.

Wrecking the house isn't seen as a problem?

You really do have your work cut out.

If things get to the point of telling her you are leaving, I would also say that you're taking your daughters. There's no way I would leave younger children in a household with an incompetent parent and an out-of-control brother.