My son rules the roost?

getmore4less

Where do the grandparents live can they take him for a week/ month so you and the mrs can talk and **** and agree a plan.

Your mum sounds like she would be ok with it if work permited.

What about the wife's mum.

AmyTurtle

Totally agree Mojisola - the best day of mine and my brother's life was when my sister went to college at 17! She made our lives a misery. Mind you, my mum was a 4"11 single parent and she still exercised a lot more discipline than you and your wife do. Your son's behavioural disorders are being positively reinforced by your wife and that HAS to stop, for the sake of your other children as well as your own sanity.

getmore4less

Take everything of him now.
Each night he sleeps on his own he gets one hour of something the following day.

Get a locked cabinet and don't give the wife a key.

If he messes up the house don't fix it.

carefullycautious

I dread to think what is going to happen in the next couple of years as he enters puberty.


It was also very telling that you and your wife have no intimate relations because of this. Do you think this is the reason your wife allows this to continue? She seems to be enabling your sons manipulative behaviour.


You all need professional help, do you have the equivalent of what we have here CAMHS because you are going to need them sooner rather than later.

securityguy

n1guy wrote: »

Yes it is getting worse. I took his Xbox away once he literally wrecked the house until I gave it back, I mean in my day if I did that I would of got a good beating. What do you do against that?

Why did you give it back? Why didn't you sell it to pay for some of the damage?

But let me guess: that's the X Box he plays 18-rated violent games that you and your wife can't stop him from buying, yes?

Brokeattheminute

I have an 11 year old son and 2 girls aged 8 and 4.Yes he can play up sometimes and we've had 2 take his x-box off him but he knows that he has to behave himself to get it back and if he doesn't then he gets it took off him for longer.If he wrecks anything in the house that costs money to fix then it comes out of his bank account or money that he would get for Easter/Christmas b'day etc.The sleepover incident,i def wouldnt give my bed up for anyone and he wouldnt be allowed anybody over unless he can show his behaviour has improved.Todays incident wouldve been he either goes to the parade or we dont go anywhere at all.You and your wife are going to have to learn to agree and stick together on a decision because at the minute your son knows he can manipulate 1 or both of youse and as long as this continues his behaviour will be the same or continue to get worse.

fivetide

carefullycautious wrote: »

I dread to think what is going to happen in the next couple of years as he enters puberty.
.

Presumably he will literally be able to have the OP's trousers down as well as figuratively.


You need a talk with your wife OP. Get mam involved too for 'an independent view'

pollypenny

No one likes to think of their parents having sex, but this is a way over-reaction. Furthermore, your wife is enabling it to continue.

The boy is controlling the home, it seems. You must take control back,Op.

Food is no big deal, but sleeping in own beds is crucial.

I agree with others, confiscate things, ban him from visits or whatever is needed, until he learns that you are in charge not him.

He accepts boundaries in school and with his grandmother. He is bullying you.

kelpie35

Hi OP

I really feel for you.

Is there any way that you and the two girls could move out for a short time. This will allow your wife to see how your son is behaving and if she can cope on her own with him.

It was very interesting to read how he behaves in front of your own mother. I think that tells you he has respect for her.

The time has come for you to sit down with your wife, tell her you are not prepared to carry on with this situation. If she is not willing to work with you in how you both bring your son up, then I think it is time for you to make a decision as to where you go from here.

I wish you all the best in whatever decision you take.

GwylimT

If you as two adults can't make a decision there really is no hope, you need to sort yourselves out so you can both raise your children.

Why does an eleven year old have any access to toys or sleepivers if he is unwilling to behave? If he can behave in a class of thirty at school he can behave at school but unfortunately as parents you havr reinforced bad behaviour and linked it with reward, he is only doing what he has been taught is right.