My son rules the roost?

RAS

n1guy

I think the starting point is that you and your wife have problems communicating and agreeing a strategy and affecting it.

I suggest that you look at either Relate or a parental support network. And once you have sorted that out, you may be able to sort your son out.

In the shorter term, since your mum thinks it is OK, can she come and baby-sit overnight a few times. You and the missus need to book into a hotel together for a few nights.

I would seriously consider booking your son into a summer camp; take him there and leave him for a fortnight.

thorsoak

Just who is the adult and who is the child in this relationship?

You say you feel like walking away - is that an adult attitude?

You take away the X-box, he wrecks the house, you give the X-box back - what is that teaching him?

You and your wife need parenting classes - and learn how to use "tough love".

Soon your daughters will be copying the attitudes and actions of your son - then what?

YOU ARE THE FATHER - ACT LIKE THE FATHER - NOT HIS FRIEND!

n1guy

rpc wrote: »

Here is a big part of your problem.

He doesn't need a different meal - there will come a point where he is hungry and will eat what he is given.

Children NEED boundaries, it prepares them for the real grown-up world. At the moment, your son is learning that he can have whatever he damn well wants. Your daughters are seeing that example and may well grow up the same.

You need external help. That help could just be to bring you and your wife together to set some rules, or it might be more focussed on your son. Have you asked the school what he is like in class?

He has excellent behaviour in class, the teachers love him however he is slow, he was referred to someone through school who diagnosed Dyslexia so he gets extra help now but I can't see Dyslexia being the cause of this behaviour.

You should see him with my mother, he is a big lad, as big as her yet he wouldn't dare act up with her.

paddy's_mum

quidsy wrote: »

This is not normal behavior.

...on the part of either the 11 year old, highly manipulative bully of a son nor of his mother.

A nursing qualification means nothing - it does not endow someone with super-duper amounts of common sense and it appears to me that is what is missing in the family dynamic that the OP describes.

Can you imagine the dog's life some future daughter in law is going to lead if he treats a wife and family in this fashion. If you love your son, you may have to force changes.

I rarely advocate splitting up but it may be that you have to leave for the sake of your own wellbeing.

Good luck.

tea_lover

n1guy wrote: »

He has excellent behaviour in class, the teachers love him however he is slow, he was referred to someone through school who diagnosed Dyslexia so he gets extra help now but I can't see Dyslexia being the cause of this behaviour.

You should see him with my mother, he is a big lad, as big as her yet he wouldn't dare act up with her.

I'm assuming because she wouldn't stand for it?

His behaviour at school and with your mum shows that he is perfectly capable of behaving himself. He chooses not to at home because he knows he can not only get away with it but be rewarded for it.

RAS

n1guy wrote: »

You should see him with my mother, he is a big lad, as big as her yet he wouldn't dare act up with her.

In which case draft in mum and take the missus away for a week.

Have you actually told mum exactly what has been going on?

j.e.j.

tea_lover wrote: »

I'm assuming because she wouldn't stand for it?

His behaviour at school and with your mum shows that he is perfectly capable of behaving himself. He chooses not to at home because he knows he can not only get away with it but be rewarded for it.

..and if the behaviour is something the boy is in control of, then it's not a mental health issue, as I'd previously thought. They do need some kind of outside help though.

paddy's_mum

Have you actually told your wife that you feel you want to leave?

n1guy

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Have you actually told your wife that you feel you want to leave?

No because I think she might agree its best and I want that to be the last resort. Either way I am gonna come out looking like the bad guy.

Caroline_a

Has it occurred to your wife that, particularly as his friends now know that he sleeps with his mum, that they might tell their parents. And from there it's only a short hop to "why does this woman sleep with her nearly teenage son??" She is opening herself up to accusations of child abuse - had he been 5 then people would have been more understanding, but 11??

I would put that in front of her, and see what she says then. However, while she is enabling his appalling behaviour you will be able to do nothing.