My son rules the roost?

missile

I can't believe this

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

I may have been a generally rubbish parent but, without doubt, had either of mine started smashing up the house because I'd confiscated an Xbox, I'd have handed it back with a smile - after I'd taken a fekkkin hammer to the thing.

emsywoo123

Jojo_the_Tightfisted wrote: »

I may have been a generally rubbish parent but, without doubt, had either of mine started smashing up the house because I'd confiscated an Xbox, I'd have handed it back with a smile - after I'd taken a fekkkin hammer to the thing.

I'm sure back when I used MSE more, we disagreed on a few points JoJo, but THIS post I wish I could thank a thousand times! Completely agree!

GlasweJen

I agree with JoJo. Had I trashed my parents house I would have been physically removed from the situation (probably chucked into the garden) and when I calmed down my room would have been stripped of toys (I suppose these days that would include any electronics). Toys could be earned back but no pocket money until everything I broke had been paid for. I know this because my brother did it once and dad sold his SNES to pay for the coffee table he broke.

duchy

The thing is anything like stripping the room , removing "stuff" etc only works if both parents are on the same page. If one parent isn't on board and is still allowing the child their stuff behind the other parent's back or in some other way undermining the action taken then it only makes a bad situation worse as the child is playing one parent off against the other.

The OP needs his wife on the same page first -and a firm agreement between them not to give in once a punishment has been decided. If one parent feels it is "too harsh" then they may not stick with it.

They both need to be comfortable with the punishment or limits set for it to be effective.

her_welshness

It may be worth reading 'The Lost Child: a True Story' by Julie Myerson. Julie and her husband had an enormous struggle with their son, to the extent that they eventually had to kick him out of the house and they now live separate lives. Needless to say that it caused a huge controversy in the press and she was attacked for being a bad mother and for letting the child down.

Although this is a different set of circumstances it does serve to remind us that people are very quick to blame the parents for something which can spiral out of control so very easily. This situation has been going on for a year, maybe both OP and his wife thought it was a phase he was going through and it would pass. Now it is something that they are reacting to and for the child it is the established status quo.

I think it would be judgemental of us to blame the OP and the way that he talks about his child, furthermore some would consider it highly improper not to love and/or like their own child. I think it is perfectly natural. We are all not going to get along with everyone, therefore why should that not include your own kid?

I suspect that you are shattered and fragile hence why you have come on here to talk about it. I do hope that now you and your wife have agreed on a united front you can go forward with a strategy to exact some discipline and hopefully a happier home.

kingfisher392

Sounds like many things . Boy child seems to mis understand the hierarchy and yes as someone else said your wife is not together with you on this issue. another thing that came to mind be it rightly or wrongly and i have not read all of the replies is the Oedipus/Electra complex.

bagby

May be try and talk to the lad see how he feels and what does he think is acceptable behaviour and punishment and go from there.

I used to go to work with phones, PS3 sky card, etc in back of my car to stop son from using them. The last straw was when I tipped him out of bed because he would not go to school stating he would not be allowed to stay in the house during school hours. I worried about him all day - eventually contacting him at 8.00pm to ask him to come home to sort things out. I could see things were getting out of control on both sides. This was a turning point - he told me how he felt and I did the same. Outcome: I was trying to control him and he was trying to be in control. there was still conflict after this of course but not as often or as severe. 18 now - still has his moments but generally a good decent lad.

Blackpool_Saver

There is more to this than meets the eye, I don't think we are being told the half of it....why would a child go into a melt down to stop his parents sleeping together....just what HAS been going on?

tattycath

n1guy wrote: »

Right all, we had a good talk and have come to agreement that something needs to be done starting with the sleeping arrangements. We're gonna try again, confiscating items, its of to the doctors again for help. But it finally feels like we are on the same hymn sheet and are united for a change.

That's great-it should help if you're both putting on a united front.

Any updates or developments yet OP?