My son rules the roost?

Rosemary7391

n1guy wrote: »

No of course not but that is exactly how other will think.

Perhaps that's true now: but it won't be in the future if you take action and things get better for your family. Then they will see that you did right for them (particularly your daughters).

kelpie35

Mojisola wrote: »

If what other people think concerns you, film your son the next couple of times he goes berserk.

Show both grandmothers and his teachers the film and ask for help from them for you and your wife.

I think that is an excellent idea :T

This will also show your wife how serious the situation has got.

What is more important? Your 2 little girl's happiness and your own mental health.

It is not important what other people think of you. They will soon see what you have had to put up with for many years.

thorsoak

kelpie35 wrote: »

I think that is an excellent idea :T

This will also show your wife how serious the situation has got.

What is more important? Your 2 little girl's happiness and your own mental health.

It is not important what other people think of you. They will soon see what you have had to put up with for many years.

....also the mental health of the 11 year old boy who has been allowed to behave like this because his parents let him!

n1guy

There is some good advice here and I will get back to it but we're not speaking and the moment and childish or not I for once am not backing down first. Certainly not how I planned to spend my day off. Would of been better at work but I'll know at least not to make the same mistake at Easter.

thorsoak

n1guy wrote: »

There is some good advice here and I will get back to it but we're not speaking and the moment and childish or not I for once am not backing down first. Certainly not how I planned to spend my day off. Would of been better at work but I'll know at least not to make the same mistake at Easter.

Oh for heaven's sake! Will you just listen to yourself "I'm not backing down first". Grow up - grow a pair - and look this problem in the face. You cannot run away from it, neither can your wife.

Get your mother to come in and babysit the three children - then go out and TALK TO YOUR WIFE! You two are allowing a ticking time bomb to develop with your son. He isn't even an adolescent yet - and you think you have problems now?

Just deal with the problem. It isn't all about you, as I've said before - "not how I planned to spend my day off ...better at work - at least wont make the same mistake at Easter" . THINK ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR WIFE, YOUR SON AND YOUR DAUGHTERS -

*max*

Your son rules the roost because you are letting him. No other reason, noone to blame but yourselves. You are behaving like doormats to an 11 year old child!

If you don't start acting like parents, he will only get worse and both his life and those of your family will be damaged beyond repair. DO SOMETHING NOW. Talk to your wife and agree on a common front. Start parenting! You are the adults, don't let him dictate to you.

Peter333

n1guy wrote: »

Need some advice here as if I am honest the thought about walking away from my family has occurred more than once.

Here's the picture, I have 3 kids, 2 daughters aged 3 and 8 and a son 11. My wife says my son and I are so similar hence why we don't get on. We never have gotten on if truth be told.

My wife and I have been unable to sleep in the same bed for over a year now, why? Because of my son. He's learned about the birds and the bee's and is damn sure non of that will be happening under his roof, he makes my wife sleep in his bed every night. Now you might say your the man sort him out, oh believe me we have tried marching him back to bed, taking items away from him, bribing him with toys even as far as taking him to the doctor, nothing has worked. He will not sleep without his mother. He has gone around in the wee small hours banging and kicking doors, beating walls to wake his sisters up, many sleepless nights have been had. The biggest drama was one night he had a couple of friends over for a sleep over. All was fine until it came to bedtime and the fun started, wouldn't sleep by himself the other 2 kids had to take my bed while I slept on the sofa, they were actually laughing at how childish he was being but not a single f**k was given by him. We can't even be in the same room without him being stuck in the middle, can't be alone 2 seconds but he is in the middle of us.

Today another drama, Its St Paddy's day, I'm in Northern Ireland so I decided we'd go to a parade. He didn't want to go to the parade, he wanted to go to an amusement arcade, none of the rest of us did, we were supposed to be leaving 11am, 1pm we are still in the house arguing. He had also managed to convince his sisters to go by this stage, I was still determined to go to the parade, I am fed up backing down. In the end he won I told the Mrs to take them to the arcade, I wouldn't go as a matter of principle.

I do think he wants to split us up, even the Mrs has picked up on this.

So I am really and truly fed up with this situation and do not know how to change it. If I am honest I hate being at home. Anyone offer any advice?

You lost me at 'me and my ELEVEN year old son have never gotten on.'

Words fail me.

Sounds like the lad needs help, not a lacklustre father who says 'we have never gotten on.'

z.n

An alternative view for the sake of argument:

One obvious possibility not mentioned so far is that here is a young boy who is completely disconnected from his Dad. His Dad doesn't really like him, resents him and seems very focused on himself. I may be wrong but some of the language of OP's posts, as others have pointed out, suggests an inability to see the situation from the child's viewpoint.

OP your son is a child. You have a sad and difficult relationship with him. Consider why that might be the case and take responsiblity as an adult to try and sort it out. How do you discipline, how kind are you, does shouting help or hinder etc.

Rather than you move out/son move out/mother move in etc consider something far more radical- work out what your son really really loves and take him out for the day, just the two of you, and build a connection. Repeat next week, and the next and then every week until he smiles happily at you.

Make a serious effort to understand what he is feeling and thinking- it is not all about you. In fact, I would go so far as to say it is all about him and what he needs. He is not doing it to wind you up or make you leave- probably just the opposite in fact (unless you really are dealing with a sociopath.) If you are step-dad then it may be harder but possible. If you are the natural Dad how many nappies did you change- are you sure you have not left all the child stuff to your wife expecting it all to just sort of happen? If so, now is your time to step up and show your son how to be a good man- and that does not include having tantrums of your own. You have a problem so do whatever is needed to sort it, realising that your current methods seem to make things worse.

Discipline is all very well but it does look like something else is going on here- developmental delay/anxiety/ nightmares/hormonal mood swings. Make sure you understand exactly what is going on before you jump in with heavy boots. If you need expert help then there is no shame in getting it.

A bit of effort on your part might even smooth things out with your wife. Backtracking a bit, maybe the first step is an evening out with your wife to calmly discuss what you can both do to help your son. Involving school might also be a good idea- if he isn't being teased now, he will be after the sleepover.

Errata

OP- have the recent TV programs on kids going postal with their parents triggered your post? Those parents were sensible enough to access help and support with the problem - are you?

no1catman

While you differing about what to do - watch a from episodes of 'Supernanny' on TV - set in the UK & in the US, the central theme is united action by the parents, no back down, band bad behaviour has bad consequence, and only good behaviour gets rewarded, with family activities encouraged.
Other than that can't comment too much - never had children!