Big age gap in relationship - experiences wanted

justme111

mowdrops wrote: »

My husband is 10 years older than me, and he is 6foot 2 and I am only 4foot 9.We have been married for 48 years tomorrow . We have 3children and 4 grandchildren and have just become great grandparents. It does not worry us in the least that there is such a difference and I would do it all again.

In op case age difference is not 10 , it is more than 20 years if i remember correctly.
Of course anyone can do what makes them happy. When you look at a couple where there is 40 years of difference do you think it is right ? 30, 20? I think if there is a huge difference (20 plus) they are needy and it is not healthy. I suppose we all have times in our lives when we are needy .there are shades of grey with age difference of course, I think almost all of us would feel freaked if they were presented to a couple with 40 years of difference so age is not just a number. To me less then 10 years difference is regarded as norm , 10 to 15 as grey area and 15 plus as unhealthy. For other people numbers can be a bit different. As I said before many of us are unhealthy either at some point in our lives or throughout them so we need unhealthy relationships to make us happy ; thats life.

Gloomendoom

Unhealthy is pretty poor choice of word.

Just my opinion.

bugslet

justme111 wrote: »

I think if there is a huge difference (20 plus) they are needy and it is not healthy..

I can assure you that in the 28 years of being with Mr Bugs, I was neither needy or unhealthy.

We got on, we just clicked. We managed the good and the bad, pretty much like any other couple.

I saw some friends marry and divorce people of their own age. There are no guarantees, all you can do is what you think best at the time.

The OP is old enough to know what makes her happy, I'm not seeing anything needy in that.

Morglin

My DH is 14 years older than me, and it has never been a problem. Don't even think about it, to be honest.

I suppose it might be an issue for much younger couples, but when you get past a certain age, it ceases to matter.

We both have health problems, so one being older than the other diesn't really come into it, as we help each other.

The answer is to both remain young at heart, laugh a lot, and grab the moment.:beer:


Lin

justme111

bugslet wrote: »

I can assure you that in the 28 years of being with Mr Bugs, I was neither needy or unhealthy.

We got on, we just clicked. We managed the good and the bad, pretty much like any other couple.

I saw some friends marry and divorce people of their own age. There are no guarantees, all you can do is what you think best at the time.

The OP is old enough to know what makes her happy, I'm not seeing anything needy in that.

I noticed your first post in this thread before , indeed it does not fit my theory . Now there are two explanations to it - either my theory is wrong or you were an exception
I taken an interest in this discussion as my friend recently got on with someone 21 years younger.
"Unhealthy " may be poor choice of words indeed - I meant not coming from emotionally balanced side of one.
I see men around who after divorce can not cope with idea that they are not 30 but 50 now who dont like the way 50 yo women look and insistently try to go after 30 yo ones and then wonder why it does not work for them. I see women who are bruised of rejection and settle with older men because those are more reliable and unlikely to mess them around and want them for a change. They entitled to of course and it indeed may work well long term or even if it is just helpful short term - may be still worth it. Does not change that it originated not for the healthiest motives. Thats why stares.

January20

Savvy_Sue wrote: »

That is true, but I think that in any relationship you should give a bit of thought to the future.

I know someone who married someone much older the same year as DH and I married - let's call them A and B. Both they and we have had over 30 very happy years together, but A and B know they haven't got much longer together: A is pretty much housebound apart from hospital appointments and stays, and B doesn't like to leave A alone for long in case A falls or needs something.

Yes, something equally devastating could have happened to us - but it was more likely to happen to them IMO, and I'm sure B thought about that before taking A on.

:rotfl:

What you're saying is true, but marrying someone in the same age range as you is no guarantee that problems/ accidents won't occur. Find a poster called "please let me be lucky" and you'll see what I mean.

I wouldn't discount a relationship with somebody I was happy with and had lots in common with because of a large age gap. Other factors are more important. I suppose you have to take a bit of a gamble. We can all provide examples either way: My father is 8 years older than my mother but in far better health than her even though he nearly 80, but my ex-husband was nearly 7 years younger than me and the last I heard about him it seems I'm in much better health than him (well, I'm better than him all round but that's another story :rotfl::rotfl:)

bugslet

justme111 wrote: »

either my theory is wrong or you were an exception
I taken an interest in this discussion as my friend recently got on with someone 21 years younger.
"Unhealthy " may be poor choice of words indeed - I meant not coming from emotionally balanced side of one.

What can I say I am exceptional in everything:p:rotfl:I did realise you meant unhealthy in an emotional sense. If one of the partners is still very young, teens say, then I think you might have a point. But there comes a point when you are old enough to know the pluses and the minuses.

I can only speak from personal experience.

justme111

January , just out of interest - you say you would not discount a relationship with a big age gap - what if the age gap was 30 years?

duchy

She maybe didn't expect forty good years with him either with his track record before his health failed.

AmyTurtle wrote: »

My grandad is is his mid 80s while his wife is only just 70. He had a severe stroke over a decade ago now and she has been his carer ever since as he is wheeelchair bound and most of the time bed bound. Her life is a drudge really, he is now quite senile too and she is by her own admission pretty miserable (she probably didn't expect this when at 17 she started a relationship with a married man in his 30s with 4 kids!!).

I've had relationships with men older than me and it was fine as I was in my early 20s and they were mid-late 30s, but I don't think I'd want to be 50 with a 70 odd year old husband to be honest! Although the real issue with both relationships was they both had children - I would date an older guy again but I wouldn't date someone with children again, more hassle than it's worth IMO.

yarly

January20 wrote: »

I fear the problems mentioned in the above posts could happen even if you married somebody the same age: they could still grow fat, lose interest in the bedroom and end up in a home for many years!

Indeed! Not as big an age gap, but my husband is 10 years younger than me. We would never have gotten together when I was his age, I would have been far too wild for him! We've been together for 15 years now and are very happy together, although he is much creakier than me...